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Really? Even with the same person cheated on before, especially if the person cheated on does not know it in the whole process? Is it some kind of like "spiritual awakening" that happens every 50 years or so? I mean, I just want a ball park.
I'm sorry, you have confused me, can you explain what you mean by "even with the same person cheated on before"? Maybe rephrase it?
I have seen a cheater who confessed and changed completely for his wife and kids for the rest of his life, and remained a good husband and father ever after. But he at least confessed. My question is, once again, very simply, if an around 40s single guy cheated, and did not get caught, and did not confess, is it possible that he would just suddenly change overnight and become faithful because "he felt he had to grow up and be a good man"?
One does not HAVE to confess to learn from their mistake and go on to be a better person. So yes, I think it's possible this 40 something man could grow up and decide he doesn't want to live the cheating life he's been living.
And if yes, how is it possible for a man to be a good man if for the rest of his life, he ruined the life of the other woman he played outside when she did not know he was engaged? How is it possible for a man to face his conscience even if he now has a happy family, another woman is still suffering from the mistake he made everyday and every night?
It IS possible for a cheating man to be a very good man the rest of his life if he decides to be that man. In a situation like this one, he would need to actually feel some extreme remorse and try to make some amends for his actions. But even if he was a master manipulator and duped her real good, there are lessons for her to learn that she can take responsibility for and better protect herself in the future. If that woman is still suffering day and night years later - that's her fault, not his. PEOPLE HAVE TO TAKE PERSONAL INDIVIDUAL RESPONSIBILITY FOR THEIR LIVES INSTEAD OF GETTING STUCK IN THE VICTIM MODE.
I just love it that it seems many of you automatically assume the other woman is always the ****, the fat Jolene, the casual co-worker in the photocopying room filling his lunch gap, while she in fact can just be ignorant of his status and have genuinely fallen in love with him. Is that really that easy to know a man is engaged if he does everything a single guy would do to chase you? Is that a sin to have absolutely no clue someone is engaged unless you know his friends and family? People lie! Bleh!
How does ANY of your last paragraph apply to anything I wrote???
I'm sorry, you have confused me, can you explain what you mean by "even with the same person cheated on before"? Maybe rephrase it?
"Is 'Once a cheater, always a cheater on the same person involved' true?"
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains
One does not HAVE to confess to learn from their mistake and go on to be a better person. So yes, I think it's possible this 40 something man could grow up and decide he doesn't want to live the cheating life he's been living.
Could you elaborate this a bit more? E.g., under what circumstances would someone do something like that?
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains
And if yes, how is it possible for a man to be a good man if for the rest of his life, he ruined the life of the other woman he played outside when she did not know he was engaged? How is it possible for a man to face his conscience even if he now has a happy family, another woman is still suffering from the mistake he made everyday and every night?
It IS possible for a cheating man to be a very good man the rest of his life if he decides to be that man. In a situation like this one, he would need to actually feel some extreme remorse and try to make some amends for his actions. But even if he was a master manipulator and duped her real good, there are lessons for her to learn that she can take responsibility for and better protect herself in the future. If that woman is still suffering day and night years later - that's her fault, not his. PEOPLE HAVE TO TAKE PERSONAL INDIVIDUAL RESPONSIBILITY FOR THEIR LIVES INSTEAD OF GETTING STUCK IN THE VICTIM MODE.
What are signs of extreme remorse and what are some examples of amends for his actions? What can he do for this other woman he destroyed? How would a master manipulator dupe her real good? Could you illustrate that a little bit?
"Is 'Once a cheater, always a cheater on the same person involved' true?"
Could you elaborate this a bit more? E.g., under what circumstances would someone do something like that?
What are signs of extreme remorse and what are some examples of amends for his actions? What can he do for this other woman he destroyed? How would a master manipulator dupe her real good? Could you illustrate that a little bit?
Sorry, still trying to make sense of your question - what does "on the same person involved" mean???
I said, "One does not HAVE to confess to learn from their mistake and go on to be a better person. So yes, I think it's possible this 40 something man could grow up and decide he doesn't want to live the cheating life he's been living"
You want to know:
Could you elaborate this a bit more? E.g., under what circumstances would someone do something like that?
Well, I can easily imagine this 40 something year old guy whose been cheating on his significant other come to some personal revelations that might cause him to decide to put an end to his cheating ways then and there.
Maybe he has a spiritual awakening and realizes he wants to live a better life. Maybe the person he's cheating with has a pregnancy scare/ or worse, an AID's scare and the thought of that scares him into reforming. Or maybe he just grows up a bit and realizes he doesn't want to be that cheater anymore. Now...if his significant other never knew he might decide now is not the time to tell her. Instead, he might vow to recommit himself to his significant other and make it up to her by being the best partner he can be going forward. If he's truly made his mind up and recommited to her he could deal with his conscience on his own and not tell her anything so he won't risk losing what he's just realized he really wants to keep.
Sorry, still trying to make sense of your question - what does "on the same person involved" mean???
Let's do it again: "Is it true that if he had gotten away from cheating on her once, and twice, and three time, and four times, with multiple women, when he and she were already in a serious relationship/engaged, he would always continue to cheat on her in the future after they got married?"
What are signs of extreme remorse and what are some examples of amends for his actions? What can he do for this other woman he destroyed? How would a master manipulator dupe her real good? Could you illustrate that a little bit?
Well, begging the woman's forgivenesss for starters. Admitting that he was lower than a snake in the grass and that he lied to her about his situation. Basically owning up to everything and offering a sincere apology. Then he could possibly reimburse her financially if anything he did caused her to be out money she wouldn't have otherwise spent (like maybe putting hotel room charges on her credit card, etc.). He can't change the fact that he hurt her by lying to her but by admitting he took advantage of her and giving her a chance to have her say, express her pain - that could really help her.
Do your really need illustrations of how a master manipulator operates??
Let's do it again: "Is it true that if he had gotten away from cheating on her once, and twice, and three time, and four times, with multiple women, when he and she were already in a serious relationship/engaged, he would always continue to cheat on her in the future after they got married?"
A man such as the one you describe here would be considered a serial cheater. Odds aren't great that serial cheaters ever reform - though anything is possible. Any woman who marries a man who has repeatedly cheated on her before the wedding is not facing reality. He is a bad marriage material and she should not place any trust in him until he can earn it back over a long period of time.
Now...if his significant other never knew he might decide now is not the time to tell her. Instead, he might vow to recommit himself to his significant other and make it up to her by being the best partner he can be going forward. If he's truly made his mind up and recommited to her he could deal with his conscience on his own and not tell her anything so he won't risk losing what he's just realized he really wants to keep.
Is it possible to "make it up to her" if the marriage is based on veiled cheating, lies and another woman's suffering? A marriage is supposed to be based on both people's understanding and consent, or just one person's design. I know people get married for different reasons, but just the thought of this kind of tainted, deceitful marriage, creeps me out.
A man such as the one you describe here would be considered a serial cheater. Odds aren't great that serial cheaters ever reform - though anything is possible. Any woman who marries a man who has repeatedly cheated on her before the wedding is not facing reality. He is a bad marriage material and she should not place any trust in him until he can earn it back over a long period of time.
But the dumb wife did not know any better. She had no idea. He managed it so well that she never found out.
Is it possible to "make it up to her" if the marriage is based on veiled cheating, lies and another woman's suffering? A marriage is supposed to be based on both people's understanding and consent, or just one person's design. I know people get married for different reasons, but just the thought of this kind of tainted, deceitful marriage, creeps me out.
You know, real life is messy - it ain't always pretty.
Sometimes what you don't know can't hurt you. I personally think it's really selfish of a guy to dump all his cheating secrets on his unsuspecting wife just so he can clear his conscience.
Sometimes the more honorable thing to do when a man is really sorry and completely gets how badly he screwed up, is to have to live with himself and what he's done. To atone for it all on his own and go forward to treat his wife like the queen she deserves to be treated like by him for the rest of their lives.
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