Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I don't believe that for a second. If they respected them, so many wouldn't be cheating on them to get what they want.
No, that's not an issue of respect. They cheat because of the difference in who they want to be and who they choose to be. What they do says something about who they are.
If you think it is natural to want more than one women, perhaps you should let your husband/so have an open relationship. That's what a truly accepting person would do.
The concept of natural - it's "natural" to want more than one woman; it's "natural" to eat meat; it's "natural" to get cancer - is absurd used as a basis for what's acceptable. Our civilization is not driven by what is natural. Driving ain't natural. Chemo ain't natural. Anger management isn't natural. Stop equating natural to progressive.
No, that's not an issue of respect. They cheat because of the difference in who they want to be and who they choose to be. What they do says something about who they are.
If you think it is natural to want more than one women, perhaps you should let your husband/so have an open relationship. That's what a truly accepting person would do.
The concept of natural - it's "natural" to want more than one woman; it's "natural" to eat meat; it's "natural" to get cancer - is absurd used as a basis for what's acceptable. Our civilization is not driven by what is natural. Driving ain't natural. Chemo ain't natural. Anger management isn't natural. Stop equating natural to progressive.
No, that's not an issue of respect. They cheat because of the difference in who they want to be and who they choose to be. What they do says something about who they are.
If you think it is natural to want more than one women, perhaps you should let your husband/so have an open relationship. That's what a truly accepting person would do.
The concept of natural - it's "natural" to want more than one woman; it's "natural" to eat meat; it's "natural" to get cancer - is absurd used as a basis for what's acceptable. Our civilization is not driven by what is natural. Driving ain't natural. Chemo ain't natural. Anger management isn't natural. Stop equating natural to progressive.
There are limits to what we can/should be able to give in to; committed or not. There are rules, of course. It is natural to be attracted to more than one person. Accepting that doesn't mean we should consent to being in an open relationship.
There is a visual element to arousal; the act and physical sensation alone is not what makes it complete for all people. That is what porn is; a visual aide. It is not necessarily a replacement for sex, though it can be. That depends on the people involved.
For the OP and those who disagree with porn, it's really simple. If you don't like porn, don't be with someone who does. They are not going to stop liking it just because they married you. If you are a prude, marry another prude. Don't presume to look down your nose at those who aren't or diminish the value of their relationships. Chances are they are a lot more complete and happier in their situation than you will ever be.
Yea, with forums? I do. He cannot stand that I participate on message boards. Not only do I do it, I ignore him when he's speaking (unintentionally) and then it starts lol.
Quote:
There are certain things that go without saying; you don't cheat, you don't stay out and not come home, you don't spend money without consulting - these are known considerations. But there is a limit to how much one person should give up to please and pacify another.
Well, it really depends on who you are, your culture, and lifestyle. As I mentioned earlier, our crew includes several polyamorous (sp?) couples and engages in practices that are generally shunned by American society (at least). So, we did have discussions in the onset most couples probably don't need to bother with. For example, I don't go out as much as I used to, but my husband still has the energy. My friends hold debauchery parties, underwear parties, and anything with a theme. These people love themes and they always include a sexy angle. I know there are going to be half naked people doing who knows what and I don't take issue with him going. OTOH, I bet 2:1 that most married porn viewers in this thread wouldn't allow their spouses within a mile of these types of events. And that's fine. To each there own.
So initially, regarding porn, my husband was surprised that it would even come up for discussion given the circles we travel in. But, I am who I am. I love burning man and buring events. I don't mind naked people running around or those that are exhibitionist. But, I don't like strip clubs and have reservations about porn. This certainly isn't due to being a prude or icy, obviously. My reasons are stratified. For one, I don't like commodifying sex or bodies. The consequeces this has for women is very real and troubling. To be clear, this has nothing to do with being uptight. I don't expect anyone to value my position except for my husband, which he does. If he didn't, he wouldn't be married to me and vice versa.
Quote:
Some people take issue with everything. Some people make mountains out of molehills. Sexuality is a very sensitive subject on both ends. Saying he is betraying her by watching it doesn't make it so. Saying she is being replaced doesn't make it so. These woman won't listen or consider his position on it. Yet, he has to give it up to accomodate her perception of what he knows isn't the case. Instead of villifying and emasculating the husband, offer an alternative. Most won't. They expect their men to stifle and supress when they should consider taking off those granny bloomers and putting on a nighty.
I think the problem here is that everyone assumes to know where the other is coming from, in this case the OP. We really can't know that. I'm also of the mind that porn is popular because our culture is so sexually uptight. So, behind closed doors many will be spectators. Something about that just rings hollow for me.
Quote:
Being offended doesn't automatically mean you will or should be accomodated.
Again, I think that depends on the people involved and how passionately they feel about a particular issue. This may not be popular, but I expect my husband to accommodate my convictions. All this stuff should be worked out before people get married. Of all the people I know who are married and divorced, those who only knew eachother a short time before taking their vows are no longer married. With a little preparation, like really getting to know our future spouses, a lot of heartache can probably be avoided.
Yea, with forums? I do. He cannot stand that I participate on message boards. Not only do I do it, I ignore him when he's speaking (unintentionally) and then it starts lol.
Well, it really depends on who you are, your culture, and lifestyle. As I mentioned earlier, our crew includes several polyamorous (sp?) couples and engages in practices that are generally shunned by American society (at least). So, we did have discussions in the onset most couples probably don't need to bother with. For example, I don't go out as much as I used to, but my husband still has the energy. My friends hold debauchery parties, underwear parties, and anything with a theme. These people love themes and they always include a sexy angle. I know there are going to be half naked people doing who knows what and I don't take issue with him going. OTOH, I bet 2:1 that most married porn viewers in this thread wouldn't allow their spouses within a mile of these types of events. And that's fine. To each there own.
So initially, regarding porn, my husband was surprised that it would even come up for discussion given the circles we travel in. But, I am who I am. I love burning man and buring events. I don't mind naked people running around or those that are exhibitionist. But, I don't like strip clubs and have reservations about porn. This certainly isn't due to being a prude or icy, obviously. My reasons are stratified. For one, I don't like commodifying sex or bodies. The consequeces this has for women is very real and troubling. To be clear, this has nothing to do with being uptight. I don't expect anyone to value my position except for my husband, which he does. If he didn't, he wouldn't be married to me and vice versa.
I think the problem here is that everyone assumes to know where the other is coming from, in this case the OP. We really can't know that. I'm also of the mind that porn is popular because our culture is so sexually uptight. So, behind closed doors many will be spectators. Something about that just rings hollow for me.
Again, I think that depends on the people involved and how passionately they feel about a particular issue. This may not be popular, but I expect my husband to accommodate my convictions. All this stuff should be worked out before people get married. Of all the people I know who are married and divorced, those who only knew eachother a short time before taking their vows are no longer married. With a little preparation, like really getting to know our future spouses, a lot of heartache can probably be avoided.
I can definitely respect your position. It's clear you have a pretty open mind (not that you need my validation). Lifestyles and personalities do play a role, but I'm referring more to those who live to control and belittle. I don't necessarily have to live in someone's everyday life to come to that conclusion with some of the posters here. Still, someone who would consider tossing a marriage over two incidents of porn seems unreasonable to me. It would take a lot more than that issue to make me want to walk out on my marriage.
If you think it is natural to want more than one women, perhaps you should let your husband/so have an open relationship. That's what a truly accepting person would do.
You are correct. Of course, that's not how most of us are. We have varying limits of what we're willing to accept and I don't think there's one generic line in the sand to be drawn for everybody.
Quote:
Originally Posted by PassTheChocolate
For the OP and those who disagree with porn, it's really simple. If you don't like porn, don't be with someone who does.
Simple enough and agreed. Although, careful consideration of the type of porn people buy should be employed, as with anything.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
