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20 years is a lifetime... How could you not develop some acquaintanship or discover some places that relate to you, personally?
Personally, you couldn't stop me with a gun from moving in my younger years. Moving on the other side of the Earth, too. After 40, you can't move me from the place I am in. Of course, many positive things converged at the same time - I met SO, loved this quiet rural place, had my kids. But still, I live very far away from my family and it doesn't bother me. You must be different.
Two things:
1) I did make friends but my three best friends have left Cleveland as many people have. They live out of state now.
2) I didn't know my family growing up. My mom died when I was little and my dad left. I didn't find my extended family until about 10 year ago and they all live in a small town in TN. Now that I've found them, I want to be by them but can't. Family is something I didn't have so yes, it's very important to me.
ETA: And I have tried to make my in-laws the family I never had. They're nice enough, but not really interested in being an aunt, uncle, mom or grandma to us. Even though we're expected at every holiday, my mom-in-law waited 3 months to visit our firstborn even though she lives 6 miles away. Not out of cruelty, but because she was just "busy." OTOH, my family that I just got to know sends cards, presents, calls and begs us to come visit. Kind of hard for me to not want to be there and have my kids get an extended family experience.
Gosh, I could have started the same thread myself! You sound exactly like me.
We live in Pittsburgh where my husband grew up. His mother is here too and my hubby is an only child, which you can imagine adds up to lots of guilt (for him) if we aren't nearby to help out. On the other hand, I grew up down south. I miss it horribly. I have been stuck here for over 20 years and up until a few years ago, the hubby wouldn't consider moving. Now he wants to but it's hard to find a job in VA because we are out of state. I feel homesick almost everyday. So I feel for you, big time.
I think it's only fair in marriages that both sides compromise on where they live. Since your husband has had 20 years to live where he choses, why shouldn't you have a chance to at least live closer to your family? It's not a one way street in a marriage, though I think some people think it should be.
Now, I can't say that I hate Pittsburgh. I used to feel that way, but mostly because of feeling stuck here. Pittsburgh is just not what I am used to because I did not grow up here, and most people who live here are natives. If I could move tomorrow, I would be packed and ready!!
I think I could have wrote the same post as well. Hmmm, I'm seeing a pattern here.
I do not like where I'm at either. We moved here because husband's family is here, and since I like to be around family, and he refused to move to where mine were, here we are. I've tried to like it, and sometimes I do, but I'm having a hard time finding a decent job here. Of course he has a good one, so he doesn't have any incentive to move. I also hate the summers here (in the desert area). IMO there should be compromise. Life is too short to be unhappy for so long.
I absolutely hate where I live. That's good, though, because I'm less likely to procrastinate when it comes to doing what it takes to leave. I wouldn't mind staying in the same state, but it's gonna have to be some place different from the god-awful hellhole I'm in now.
Not too long ago, when a woman married and moved away there was a strong likelyhood that she would never see her family again.
Fortunately, these days we have the benefit of telephones and other means of communicating as well as the marvels of modern transportation that allow us to go and visit (and them to come and visit).
If your parents cannot afford or are not able to come and visit you then you need to save up and have an annual visit with them. Have THEY ever considered moving closer to YOU? That's what my elderly parents did more than 20 years ago.
Your first responsibility is to your husband and to your own family. He is the provider and his job is there. So you have to make up your mind to make the best of it and encourage and support him at every turn. If you insist on complaining about this issue you will only serve to drive a wedge between you and cause hard feelings.
Some times we have to suck it up. It's your turn.
20yrsinBranson
Marriage is about partnership not a woman giving up her life and family for her husband. His responsibility is to not only provide financially but emotionally. It wouldn't kill himn to go visit her family. He's a selfish jerk and he needs think of her happiness as well as his own.
She's given him 20 years he can't give her holidays? Really?
Love where I live. I've loved everywhere I've lived. I'm very much a "bloom where I'm planted" person.
LOL,
Be happy....
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