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I can't stand when someone can't make up their mind. Chances are it's not a life changing decision (going to the store, picking out which restaurant to eat at, etc), so why be wishy-washy about it?! PLUS, being sponatneous means you can make decisions without weighing both sides, and that is incredibly attractive to me to see that in a guy.
Though this is a different issue, I was also with someone who would not make decisions. I'd ask what he wanted to do, eat, or watch on TV and he'd respond with "Whatever you want."
In as much as some people here will insist that is what we want, it is a huge turn-off. I don't get a rise out of knowing I could steamroll a man if I wanted to. It's actually pretty sad.
The "taking charge" thread reminded me of an old boyfriend. Not sure if this is a disorder, but it used to drive me nuts. I'll give a couple of examples:
1) I would get a list together to go to the store and ask him if he'd like to go; he usually did. Once he made that decision, he was in the shower and wanted to leave NOW because he needs to get out and he's going batty.
One particular day, he decided we should have a snack before we shopped. This was fine with me; it's a bad idea to shop when you're hungry and they have a great hot food section. They were out of pizza. He didn't want to wait so we proceeded to shop and decided to eat afterwards.
He goes running around the entire store, I have to hunt him down half the time. I'm not even finished shopping when he decides we need to get out of there because he wants to go home.
2) Another time I was out of town and he was supposed to come meet me. The night before, he was working on his car and decided it wasn't worth the work. He was going to take it into the shop and have it fixed at a later date. The next day, he decides he's going to go ahead and finish it after work. We planned on going to dinner (I was 2 hours away) but he didn't get there until 10 pm.
It seems he'd get his mind stuck on something and it had to be done yesterday. He'd drop whatever he was doing and obsess over it. It didn't matter what plans we had or how much he delayed us when we did. If we didn't have plans, he'd spring things on me at the last minute and expect me to a) be willing to do it and b) be willing to do it NOW. I'm not talking spontenaity, that's fine. This was over the top.
Though this is a different issue, I was also with someone who would not make decisions. I'd ask what he wanted to do, eat, or watch on TV and he'd respond with "Whatever you want."
In as much as some people here will insist that is what we want, it is a huge turn-off. I don't get a rise out of knowing I could steamroll a man if I wanted to. It's actually pretty sad.
Earlier, I thought you were referring to important issues that needed decisiveness. Now, it seems peculiar that you want him to have opinions about things he truly doesn't care about.
It also seems, that if you encourage him to formulate an opinion on something that's more or less irrelevant (like food or TV), it'd be pretty awful of you to then argue with that opinion. That would be a unique little hell for him, constantly being asked to create an opinion, just so that opinion could be challenged.
Earlier, I thought you were referring to important issues that needed decisiveness.
You are referring to the first scenario, yes? They don't have to be "important" issues to require decisiveness. Whatever the issues, however large or small, his impulsiveness and lack of patience and consistency created a great deal of frustration and inconvenience.
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Now, it seems peculiar that you want him to have opinions about things he truly doesn't care about.
This "now" thing, is regarding another person I was with who refused to participate in the decision making process, ever. And really, how could you know, based on what little I wrote, what "he truly doesn't care about"?
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It also seems, that if he does go out of his way to formulate an opinion for your sake, it'd be pretty awful of you to then argue with that opinion. That would be a unique little hell for him, being asked to create an opinion, just so that opinion could be challenged.
Yes it would be awful, if that was the case. This is not about opinion or challenging it, not even close. It was about wanting to know what HE wanted and not leaving it all up to me. And if someone has to go "out of their way" to express an opinion for MY sake there is a problem. I'm not interested in dating a robot.
I'm talking about extremes in behavior here. They do, in fact, exist.
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