Sacrificing For Your Partner (marry, men, family, kids)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
He only regretted moving there when there was a change in the marriage - which took 8 years and I assume for the most part those 8 years were good.
Actually, he started to regret it almost immediately. It took him a while to find a job after they moved, he wasn't happy with the job he did find, and he didn't really like the city itself. But he chose to keep an open mind and see if his feelings would change.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rhett_Butler
Well, sounds like things probably would have gone south had he refused to move, so maybe it was a bit of a rock and a hard place situation there...
I think so too. If he refused to move, I think his wife would've always resented it and blamed him for stalling her career.
Quote:
Originally Posted by FourOhFive
This is my problem with giving women power! You give them an inch and they try to take it a mile. Or hundreds of miles in this case. A woman needs to be there to support her man in his decisions since he historically (rightfully so) has been the main money maker. Fast forward to this case when the woman had a great job opportunity. She obviously was unable to mentally accept the position as main money maker for her family and the relationship went sour. Now, as always when the woman is given power, the man is struggling.
Did you just wake up from the 50s? A woman should be an EQUAL partner and any man who can't handle that is no man at all. And where do you get that this man's wife couldn't accept being the primary money maker? Did I even say she made more money than him? Did I ever say that was the reason their marriage fell apart? Sounds like your ego can't handle a woman who makes more money or has an equal say in a marriage as the man.
I wasn't going to say anything. I was just going to take the beating. But ugh I hate it the times when my conscience kicks in and I must come clean. You two seem like two very nice people with great informative posts. That said, I don't want either of you to think '405' is some male pig.
I wasn't serious with that post. Sometimes my sense of humor can go too far, and any replies I would have posted would have made it obvious I wasn't being serious. But I was at work, was pulled away from my desk, and didn't get a chance to reply until this morning. At which point I was going to 'just let it be'.
Anyway, I do see women as equal. I would apologize and say my dry humor has to go, but I can't because I usually post and then think.
Anyway, someone once told me to never apologize where other people can read so I'll stop and post. Just going to leave this post forever with one statement:
Not quite the same, but we moved to Alaska for a job. My wife was a SAHM, but she left friends and family to move to an isolated area. The plan was to stay here for 2 years, but I think we would have ended up divorced well before that. I think she regretted it the day she flew up. Fortunately, the company moved to a bigger city and the situation improved immensely. Suffice it to say, our 2 year stint became a 20+ year endeavor.
happened to me .I was married to my children father and put him through welding school with the understanding that afterwards he would do the same for me.He discouraged me and ruined my self esteem.Now 16 years later i am enrolled in school persuing an associates degree in sales and marketing.....It hurts to know that the person who is supposed to love you wants to keep you dependent upon them...
I haven't sacrificed anything for my husband and neither did he, but I do want to address the OP's friend situation. The truth of the matter is we have no idea how things would have turned out if they didn't move. It's very possible that OP's friend still wouldn't be successful even he stayed but then his wife (or rather ex-wife) would always blame him for keeping her back. He would always wonder "what if". I don't want to be a bad person for saying this, but if one sets out to be successful, he can make it anywhere - 8 years is long enough time, he could have had a change of career, find his "niche". Of course everyone goes through bad luck, but we absolutely cannot blame it on location, that's for sure.
Anyway - I'm just saying, what's done is done. He had made this decision as a man of the family, I'm speculating that he looked over their finances and saw that the wife taking successful job will be good for the family. If the marriage flourished and blossomed, he would probably be a happy man. He now needs to look into the future.
Bah..it only makes you look like a giving person to the next one you meet. I stayed in this town a lot longer than I wanted but instead of moaning and groaning I took up the things I could do here (school) and really know I never want to return to this type of town. Time is only wasted if you refuse to accept the things you learn and stop looking forward.
I had a friend whose wife was offered a really fantastic job in another city. He knew how important her career was to her and how heartbroken she would be to miss out on what was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. So he agreed to move. Flash forward about 8 years. They're divorced, they share custody of their kids, her career has taken off, while his has stagnated because he's been living in a city where there aren't many opportunities for someone in his field. He doesn't want to move because he wants his kids to have both parents nearby. But he regrets making the move, feeling like he sacrificed too much for his wife's happiness.
Has this ever happened to you? Have you or your partner ever made a sacrifice for the other only to regret it? What about the flip side where you or your partner refused to give up something and caused the other person to feel resentful?
I majorly regret a sacrifice I made.
If my last town wasnt having a GREAT DEPRESSION REDUX, {20% unemployment rate is the official rate there} with doctors, friends etc fleeing town, we probably would have gone back even.
All these moves are destructive to relationships, and I believe a bad move, can precipitate a divorce. Martial relationships are folding under the pressures of exsisting in a vacumn with stripped away community.
It will cause resentment and unhappiness. If you are the parnter who loves the new area or new job, look to happiness of your partner do not be a jerk, and say I refuse to move etc. At least my husband is trying to get me into the community, helping me get out to clubs during days my health is doing better. He does try, but my health is such a bad obstacle. But I dont know how to explain to him, I feel like I will never fit in here, even if I have great health and can get out all the time. Feel like something is being lost in the translation.
I had to realize that he was just trying to have us survive when we came here. All too often that forces a lot of rock and hard place decisions.
However I feel sorry for this guy, he probably wanted to do right by his wife but watched his own life go down. Hoping he would come to love a place or have something going that he just didnt feel right in. It had to frustrating to see his career literally killed. Waking up day by day, hoping to *make* it, integrate himself into the community. This is a mystery of life, how some places are JUST WRONG for some folks. Why do people fit into the vibe of some places and not others. I still cant even put my finger on why I cant stand this place. The town is beautiful. Feel guilty even for complaining about it, but just feel out of sorts here. I got too used to small town where everyone knew each other. Everything feels impersonal to me here.
I wonder if his wife had any understanding? Some people are selfish and do not look out for the happiness of the partner. I can see what caused the divorce.
I hope and pray that guy can rebuild his life, and his health is still in good enough shape to do so. The wife should have had more concern for him.
Last edited by WheredoIlive?; 09-06-2009 at 07:31 AM..
Bah..it only makes you look like a giving person to the next one you meet. I stayed in this town a lot longer than I wanted but instead of moaning and groaning I took up the things I could do here (school) and really know I never want to return to this type of town. Time is only wasted if you refuse to accept the things you learn and stop looking forward.
Sometimes you do just have to make best of it.
School is a good idea for the younger. People have to find places that are right for them.
id you just wake up from the 50s? A woman should be an EQUAL partner and any man who can't handle that is no man at all. And where do you get that this man's wife couldn't accept being the primary money maker? Did I even say she made more money than him? Did I ever say that was the reason their marriage fell apart? Sounds like your ego can't handle a woman who makes more money or has an equal say in a marriage as the man
I wish it was the 50s, at least people didnt have to move constantly back then to survive.
I think life was better in the 50s. Dont get mad at me, but me and my friends we did the *career* thing and for only a few it really paid off, and that one person had to join the Army to make that happen.
At least in the 50s there was some community still going, some hometown feel to places.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
. 
