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you have gotten some EXCELLENT advice here. please report back to us and let us know how you are doing. i am sure we are ALL concerned.
BE STRONG!
THIS TOO SHALL PASS...............
1. Tell someone you can trust what's going on and that you are leaving, that way if something goes wrong, someone who knows you is aware of the situation and can call the police, look for you, etc. I know this is scary, but you are in a very serious situation--someone in your life needs to know.
2. Go to the bank. Remove at least half of the money and put it into a new account in your name only. Have your name removed from the other account. (if you can't do this, then leave. Your life is more important).
3. Go to work with him. Leave early claiming you are sick. If you can do this without telling him, do it. Get to the house, take everything you need, and leave. NEVER GO BACK. If you feel it necessary, leave him a quick note telling him you know, and it is over.
4. Go to a women's shelter, a family member's home, or someone you KNOW you can trust that won't tell him where you are.
Best of luck to you. Be strong. Leave ASAP. Learn what you can from this and move on. This isn't your fault. You are young and have a whole new wonderful life waiting for you---just leave, and leave now.
Please keep us informed so we know that you are safe.
Thank you all! I never knew things were this bad here. I guess I have been playing the role of the ostridge. I remember something my dad told me on his last visit. He said not to wait to change what you can now or it come pack to haunt you 20 years later. My plan right now is to sneek out tommorw morning and drive to my family's house. They live 6 hours away but I am used to the drive. If there is any problems, my back up is to take Callsnap's advice and play sick on Monday. Since I know he is going to take the car, I will pack every thing that I need to right after he leaves (7 a.m.), walk to work (it will take me 30 min's to walk there) and do all the bank stuff then leave by 11 at the latest. If I have to I will pack him a lunch so that he will not try to leave to get something. If all goes well, he should not be any wiser by at least 2pm if he tries to call me. That should give me plenty of time to get out. I still rather Sat. but I know they might try to take my car and I don't want him to get a whiff of whats going on. Thank you all and trust me, I have already called my Gyno that I used to go to and set up an appointment for Wednesday! To think he kept saying that it was just the skin getting a little tight around it. HA HA HA
You may also want to give the police a heads-up as to what you are doing too, just in case he would come out and see you taking the car. He sounds like a loose cannon, to say the least. It would be safer to have the police sitting close by until you get in the car and get on the road to freedom.
Good luck and be safe. OH, if you need a credit card number to use, MyFask will let you use hers.
Good luck to you, communicationbreakdown!!
You sound like a strong person.
You have already taken some tough first steps:
in acknowledging that something is wrong and then
by telling people about it!
I hope you are able to talk to some family and a trusted
friend or two . . . you need - and deserve -
a support system at a time like this.
Remember, you don't have to go something like this
alone.
IMO, you've gotten a lot of good advice from posters: LEAVE!! Protect yourself first and foremost . . . .
if necessary, a womens' shelter & counselors could
be a big help.
Take care.
When the dust settles......think seriously about getting some help. Something inside you needs to change so you don't keep repeating the same mistakes. Your self image has really taken a beating.
All men are not like your husband. There are a lot of decent people in the world. Promise! And good luck!
Communicationbreakdown...You've done all you can. This is no ordinary husband who magically turns slob after the rings are exchanged.
He's gay apparently and he seems to have used the marriage as a way of covering up.
I say divorce this man and begin proceedings immediately. Unfortunately... it will never work with this kind of man.
Leave. Men don't change. Leave before you have children because once that happens you have to trust the courts as to whether they allow him visitation or not. The courts may claim to have the child's best interests at heart but often make a decision on their behalf that is the worst possible decision for them. Granted, I do not envy their job.
Right now it is just you. Whatever losses you have incurred can be corrected. Don't lose anymore time in that marriage. You are too important. Just think what it would be like to try to raise a child with a man like that. Or, if you tried to leave after having a child, think of how torturous it would be to hand your child over to a man with his sexual addictions every other weekend and sit an wait and hope nothing bad was happening to hurt that child either physically, sexually or emotionally.
Being gay is nothing to be ashamed of, but it seems that there is more going on with him than that. His secretiveness and the fact that he had a posting looking for a boy scares me for you. Gay people are actually the least likely group to ever molest a child, but a sexual deviant......that's another story.
Get out now and have a wonderful life for yourself. Next time you get involved I will tell you what I teach my daughters.......get your own bank account fat, build your own credit, maybe buy a house, date, have fun. Once you have all that then maybe think about marriage. This experience will surely give you wisdom and insight into your next relationship. Don't take any reservations that pop into your mind lightly they may be unfounded or not, but they definitely need to be given your attention before entrusting your welfare and your heart in another marriage.
please email us when you get to your parents house safely.
go to your OBGYN.
go get an ATTORNEY
go get counseling
and then when you have gotten over this crisis, start to BUILD YOUR LIFE. make sure that you have a good occupation, that you will never have to rely on a man for a single cent.
i dont know what you do for a living right now, but i highly recommend going into nursing. i am an RN (Registered Nurse) and i only went to college for 2 years and i have made as much as 90,000 a year with just some overtime. not a bad return on investment..how many careers can you come out with an associates degree and make anywhere from 50,000 to 100,000 a year?
and if you have kids, its the perfect career, because you can work when ya want to, where you want to, pick your shift......write your own ticket.
please be careful and keep us updated!
commut....Make sure your parents know *when* you are coming. Have your cell phone fully charged and within easy reach.
Don't change any of your ordinary behaviors over the next hours/days. Do not give information about your travel plans to anyone your husband may get to.
Take very little. Only what you will need to wear, meds, etc.
Could your parents meet you half way through the drive?
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