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OK I am in a pickel, as some may say. I need some relationship advice on weather or not to pursue a relationship with a single mother. Basically, I've known this girl for a very long time now. We originally started out as friends back in high school. After high school we lost contact for about 4 years. Anyways, after we re-established contact, we started hanging out, going out to bars, movies and out to lunch. During this time I was starting to really like her more than just a friend. Needless to say, we ended up sleeping together. It wasn't till after, I found out that she was the mother of two boys. Then she said that she wants a relationship. Honestly, I really don't know what to think? I simply told her that I needed some time to think about this. So I have, and I just don't know what to do, I mean she's attractive, I get along with her so well and I absolutely love her personality, but I'm just very confused because I've never dated anyone with kids and I've heard so much conflicting advice regarding this. I feel torn and very inexperienced in this department. I've been hurt many times before and I just don't want to get hurt again, nor do I want to hurt her. I just don't know what to do. Any help would be greatly appreciated.
She didnt tell you beforehand that she had two kids? How old are the kids? Are the kids' father(s) in the picture? Does she have custody of them 24/7 or does she share custody with the father(s)? My advice to you is to end things. Yeah, the sex is probably fun right now, but in the long run, single moms are a nightmare to deal with. End it. End it. End it.
Also, you'll get a lot of females her who may advise you to do otherwise, but remember, they more than likely are looking at it from the viewpoint of "oh the poor mother" instead of what is good for YOU who posted this thread asking advice for whats best for YOU. End it and find another girl without the baggage.
She didnt tell you beforehand that she had two kids? How old are the kids? Are the kids' father(s) in the picture? Does she have custody of them 24/7 or does she share custody with the father(s)? My advice to you is to end things. Yeah, the sex is probably fun right now, but in the long run, single moms are a nightmare to deal with. End it. End it. End it.
Also, you'll get a lot of females her who may advise you to do otherwise, but remember, they more than likely are looking at it from the viewpoint of "oh the poor mother" instead of what is good for YOU who posted this thread asking advice for whats best for YOU. End it and find another girl without the baggage.
A+ post
Run for your life, dude. You are too young for that.
Sounds to me that you may already be on the right track and want to dump her but are just looking for some support in doing so.
There are plenty of other girls out there are are not tethered with anchor weights. Believe me, if you get involved with her she'll eventually want to have those anchors tethered to you in some way. Did she have these kids out of wedlock? If she did and they both are from different fathers you HAVE to end it. Ignore all the emotional female responses you are bound to get here because many of them have difficulty in figuring things like this out intellectually as they almost always let their emotions get in the way. Dude, dump that girl and find someone without kids.
Thanks, DaBeez. Yeah, she never mentioned once that she had kids, only that she married her High School boyfriend in summer of '02, then got Divorced 3 years later. We only had sex once, then she told me about her kids, then that she wanted to pursue a relationship. I haven't talked to her since I told her, I needed some time to think about this. Mainly, because since she has kids its not going to be just her and I and it complicates things. It's been about 4 days since the last time we talked. I mean, I would like to still keep her as my friend, but I don't know if that would be a good Idea, since we slept together. What would you suggest?
Just tell her that you are not looking to be involved in any "relationship" and she should get the idea. Funny thing with women though, now that you had sex with her, it may be a bit difficult for her to "Just be friends" unless she's really cool.
OK, thanks for the advice. I will try that, I really hope that she understands. She has a really awesome personality and really fun to hang out with. I know what you mean about it being hard to "Just be friends" for some girls. I don't want to sound like a jerk, but I just don't want be a father just yet and if things don't work out I know that it will be hard for not only us but for the kids as well and that's what I don't want.
She didn't ask you to be a father to her kids did she? And to dump a friend just because she has children makes you very childish. If you don't want to pursue the relationship any farther than being friends then tell her so. And tell her why. If you ever took the time...kids are actually pretty cool. She may have not mentioned them because she had no idea you two would end up in bed.
What I find appauling is that you would sleep with her...then dump her in a heartbeat just because she has kids. Doesn't say much for your character. Indeed you probably shouldn't pursue the relationship any farther. Wouldn't want those kids picking up any bad habits. If you truly felt anything for her...the kids wouldn't matter. Your feelings for her would.
i really think you will bite the dust sooner or later. kids are hopefully her priority and you simply can not reconcile the conflict a woman will have between her children and the mate who follows divorce without superior guidance... you are only one man! i also think that early blossoming love is a hell of a distraction which is why good old boring marriage is so effective in getting stuff done like loving our kids and keeping our jobs, even going back to school and doing it right this time. parents can't stay in bed all day with croissants and orange juice you know.
most mom's know this instinctively and don't do anything fun or exciting for a while after birth. "i'm a mother now" mentality. but being single is too hard especially with kids, so i think when marriage fails a man hunt is completely understandable ; )
you got a case of a or b:
here comes my totally judgemental script excluding all forms of individuality in relationships...
a. you totally go for it, balls out. she has a nest to complete so you gotta get married and make some of your own kids but fast. she doesn't want to be in diapers forever you know! now you have completed the preferable form of commitment since marriage did not work in the first place but kids bind well. and then your stepdad this in one way or another, but your also dad... complicated. then of course there is the ex, and the delicate balance of providing beyond your responsibility. but i think it can work if you read a lot of pedagogy.
b. run baby run... but be good to her you know your mom taught you to be good to the girl that lets you play a little.
i think it is really hard not to succumb to your primal mother instincts, i mean in monkey therms who knows you may be trying to eat my kid. so as far as mom instincts function your kind of loved/screwed with a single mom...
man, nobodies gonna date me.
I've never heard such poor advice. It amazes me how a guy can commit enough to have sex but can't commit enough for anything else. I think she is better off without you. She needs a man not some boy out for a roll in the hay.
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