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But in general, I think a person emotionally satisfied at all levels does not have the unconscious instinct to pursue another individual.
It has nothing to do with pursuing. You can be happily married and perhaps you know someone at work or a friend that has all the qualities that make them ideal for you and you develop a sense of compatability with that person. You love your spouse but at the same time this person who is someone you see each day or frequently, possesses all the qualities of an ideal partner. They touch you in a way that you suffer in silence. You aren't pursuing these emotions, but they are there. It doesn't mean you have created the situation, you are merely coping with it and perhaps even enjoying it just a little. Doesn't mean you are going to pursue this person or that you were unconsciously pursuing them either. You may have had an opportnunity to get to know them on a certain level and the byproduct just happened to be that you love who they are.
This is where I think we are having a disconnect. In my original post, I included the possibility that people may *need* to love more than one person, and that if they fall in love with more than one person at the same time, it is because they have an additional need that was not being fulfilled.
Some people do not have that need, and may not need additional people. I think it is possible for some people to actually have "more than one partner" as an emotional need in and of itself, and that would lead to the search (possibly unconsciously) for additional partners.
Slightly different is the circumstance where a person has some needs fulfilled by one, and others by another. It would be possible for this person to have all of these needs fulfilled by one person, if they found a person who could. But loving more than one person is not a specific need in and of itself.
Thirdly are the people who are in single partner relationships who are not getting their needs fulfilled and even though they are professing happiness, they are subconsciously reviewing other people as potentially more rewarding partners.
But, in the event that a person who does not have a specific need to love more than one person and has a single partner that is fullfilling all consciously known and subconscious needs, the instinct to partner search should hypothetically be either dormant, or so near inactive as to have no significant effect on behavior.
You make a lot of valid points and I agree with a lot of it. I think you place an emphasis on a subconsious of a person and I understand it. People very well may be subconsiously searching, without even realizing it.
I think my problem is with posts like: "no way, no how that I would fall in love with someone else!!!" It implies that they have full control over their own heart and that they have met every person of an opposite (or same depends on orientation) sex and know that there is no-one that can sweep them off their feet just with one glance, just with one word or just with one touch.
Additionally, I think that there are people in the world who just cannot be fulfilled consiously or subconsiously with one person only. Although they are happily married, they need others to satisfy certain needs, most likely emotional needs, whether it's a friend, a girlfriend, a partner, a companion whatever.
It's about the initial 'honeymoon phase' that does not last in a long term relationship. (you'd never get anything done if you just mooned around staring at each other)
There is nothing wrong with crushes. It's how you act on them.
People want to feel loved and desirable especially as they get older. The main reason someone cheats is to feel 'desirable.'
Last edited by GypsySoul22; 10-19-2009 at 11:09 AM..
I agree with Max's Mama, people inheritantly have enough love in them to love more than one person. I think it's easier to do then people will admit to.
I agree with a few people who replied. I think some people just have so much love to give and have such a loving personality that its easy to be very much in love with more then one person. I suppose that's when you have to figure out just what you want in life and who will be able to give you the life you want.
I think the posting below was the best response so far. Even if happly married someone could be so blown away from someone that they will fall in love with that other person over time and do so without even touching them and not cheating physically. Agree?
There are no "Best Answers" to your question. This is just the answer YOU were looking for or the answer that best describes how YOU feel about it.
I just don't think it would happen. I personally can love someone and not have to feel like I need to sleep with them. I think anyone can get a novelty rush from a fresh face. But really if you just get to know that person after awhile..its all just that. Novelty lust out of boredom/animalistic urges.
If you are currently married or engaged is it possible that even though you think you are happy and deeply in love with your spouse that you could fall for someone else?
Not if I am happily married.
Is there someone else out there that is so perfect that he/she would make you fall in love again?
Yes
The world is full of people who have affairs, but common thinking is that they are doing it for sex, or because they are in a loveless marriage. Would it be possible that you personally could be in a great loving marriage but still fall in love with someone else while you are married?
In a great loving marriage, I am not sure. But in a ho-hum marriage, yes.
What would it take for you to fall in love with someone else while you personally were married?
Being in a sexless marriage or being in a marriage where the spark is totally gone.
Falling in love is a temporary state of emotions where everything is just perfect, its a crush that lasts for a few months or however long the two people let it go. It is not permanent. Love itself is an unconditional feeling towards others...you know like taking vows that says you will be with the other person forever...all that mumbo jumbo about caring for someone through sickness and when you're poor. Most people don't give two ****s and will jump ship after a few years because they stop communicating, let needs stop being met, and just generally don't care. They also often let their bodies go, get bored with each other, and find new addictions to replace that "spark" they once had with their significant other.
Nobody ever stays "in love" like some type of magical fairy tale forever and ever. Only books, movies, and fantasy portray love that way...its completely unrealistic. So in short yes, anyone who is married could at some point "fall in love" with someone else if they allowed it. If you wanted to you could "fall in love" a dozen or more times over your life and each time think the "magic" would never stop. It will, and you'll end up chasing the carrot on a stick some more. In the meantime divorce lawyers continue to make money.
People who make marriage work their entire lives are either great at compromising or they actually follow through with the vows and don't treat them like a 5th grade juvenile promise with their fingers crossed. Most people shouldn't get married and furthermore (way off topic here) shouldn't be reproducing either when they have no concept of love and caring for other human beings. This is why you get things like abortion, child neglect, abuse, and dysfunctional families on par with the Brady Bunch and Mike's 45 minute speeches about family morals.
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