DUIs and friendships etc (married, woman, kids, alcoholic)
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One recent DUI or maybe a few in the past? Yes, I think I could deal with that. It would depend on the circumstances and whether the person straightened up. Recurring DUIs? I don't know. That person would seem to be a ticking time bomb to me, and I am not typically friends with that type of person.
I know people who were killed by drunk drivers. Two little girls from my ballet school were killed many years ago by a guy high on coke, along with their father and one of their friends. I also know a man, an old friend of my dad's, who killed someone while driving drunk. Struck and killed a cyclist. The man just fell apart. Quit his job, left his family, moved out of state, became a recluse. My dad hasn't heard from him in a few years, and I wouldn't be surprised to find out he committed suicide. I just can't bear to associate with people who inflict that kind of destruction.
Well I tend to avoid dating people who drink a lot, so it's unlikely that I would be with someone who drinks that much anyway. If it happened to a friend, I would remain friends and give moral support. Of course they would have to deal with my lecture on how they should have called me, etc. I will not bail anyone out of jail for it. My friends are aware of how I feel about drinking and driving (too many dead and disabled friends), so they wouldn't call me to bail them out anyway.
Hard to say. I've met people who can down multiple beers and don't even seem affected. And some folks can't handle even one. Everyone's body is different and sometimes the BAC can be misleading. However, once a person has gotten a DUI, that should give them a big hint not to do it again. A series of DUIs tells me this person is a poor decision maker. Like someone said, it matters whether this was a "checkpoint DUI" or a "driving like a crazy fool" DUI. As a friend, maybe I can shrug it off a minor DUI. In a potential life partner, not so much.
The people who routinely go out and get totally wasted, proceeding to swerve around all over the road have serious problems. Plus they are extremely selfish. Never would I date someone who did that. Especially if they were repeat offenders. And I would lose respect for a friend who refused to modify this behavior.
However, there are a lot of other distractions that cause accidents, which people choose to undertake. I don't think people who received DUIs should be demonized while "texters" should be off the hook. Or how about sleepy people? I read once that driving while very sleepy is almost the same as driving drunk and can cause just as much damage.
If you are a true friend/companion then you would stick around that person regardless of their troubles.
That's not always true. I am an extremely loyal friend, but I've had to leave a few friends behind because of their dependency issues.
My best friend was an alcoholic. I didn't know it until it was too late. Seeing him slowly destroy himself wore me down. We talked about it, he denied and got angry. At one point he got out of hand and yelled at me and pushed me. You think I should have stuck around?
Happily, he has worked really hard on himself and is doing much better.
When someone else's problems starting becoming your own, then it's time to walk. Let them know you will be there when they decide they want to make it right, but sometimes you have to cut the strings.
Oddly enough, the 15 days he spent in the pokey for his DWI is what kicked off his new life. Whoda thunk it.
"Could you stay friends with someone who kept getting DUIs? What do you think of people who do stay friends with people that get them? What about dating someone that got DUIs?"
I would not continue to stay friends with someone who kept getting DUIs. Nor could I date someone that got DUIs. Heck I'd have a hard time dating someone that drank even moderately.
I get furious when someone has more than a couple of drinks and drives. After a couple of drinks, I don't even want to be around them.
I think when you can't stop yourself from doing that you are an alcoholic. Having a problem for a longer time and with more issues does not make it any more valid than the person with a lighter load of bs from that type of behavior.
I think when you can't stop yourself from doing that you are an alcoholic. Having a problem for a longer time and with more issues does not make it any more valid than the person with a lighter load of bs from that type of behavior.
Yeah well I know someone who got a DUI who drinks MAYBE once or twice a year, I certainly wouldn't classify her as an alcoholic, or as even having a problem. Got pulled over for driving too slow cuz she was paranoid after having a few drinks.
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