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I was inspired by someone else saying she did not have any family coming for the holidays and was upset.
We live 6/7 hours from family so we don't get together holiday time. When we lived near by, it was always a pain in the butt...why?
1) My husband is a vegetarian but no one every made any attempt to cook him anything he'd eat (except me). I'd make him (and maybe my son) food and the time we'd eat would change and either his dinner would not be ready or it would be ruined 'holding it over.'
2) The time we ate dinner was dictated by my sister's husband's job (food service) and my sister. There was no holiday lunch...dinner was served 5 pm so she didn't have to feed her family 'another meal' later in the day. I prefer we have a holiday luncheon (1-2 pm). Then at night it's sandwiches, snacks, fruit, dessert. I have no problem serving my family again.
3) Any leftovers went right to my sister and her family. We were lucky to get 'firsts' by the time they all ate. Mom had us wrap it up and sent it off with her and her family...
Don't get me wrong, I love my family but I like being 'just us' on Thanksgiving and Christmas...we have our own pace and can enjoy the days...not have to cater to others..
Does anyone else ever feel like they are just the appendages at the holidays while someone else gets 'the royal treatment?'
Maybe, then, there are reasons, 'your other kids' opt out...
You do realize that the holidays aren't all about food, right? Fair enough if you like it being just your immediate family but your reasons for not wanting to spend holidays with extended family seem kind of trivial to me. But maybe that's because this year will be my 5th Christmas without my extended family and I really don't care if we didn't eat at all as long as I got to see them.
There are some family members I only see once or twice a year because of distance, busy lives, etc. For me, that is what a holiday get together is about. Catching up with people and reaquainting myself with the ever growing children in my extended family is what I look forward to.
Food is really the last thing on my mind. In fact, I often show up already full. A big part of it is the kinds of food my family members like eating. Most of it is very heavy. It is not my preference. Still I have a good time because it is about the people, not the food. If there is one time a year to 'cater to others' I think this is it.
I've had my share of Holiday celebrations with and without family. Usually because I lived a good distance away. Both traditions have their good and bad points. Everyone has a relative who is a PITA. So many gifts to buy and packages to mail. All the cooking and preparing. Angst about finding the perfect present.
Time passes and the day comes when you realize Holidays will never be the same because most of the people you cared about are gone. There are no more gifts to buy and packages in the mail. You had your allotted number of family celebrations. You'll remember them and they'll be much more perfect in memory than they ever were in real life! You'll miss those people even though they weren't perfect.
You'll also be glad you formed your own traditions. Keep them and add in the best your family has to offer. Remember that nothing lasts forever.
Tried to rep you yellow. That is a very touching post. Darn, you almost made me cry. I look forward to seeing my family during the holidays when we have the opportunity to all get together.
My folks have passed, Im divorced, my kids and nieces and nephews are grown so it isnt and never will be the same as it once was. I enjoy the seeing family that lives away and spending more time with those that live close. I love the noise and chaos and food and laughter and remembering those that are no longer with us.
Last yr. we werent able to get together so I cooked and invited some homeless friends of my sons. We all had a good time even tho they ended up staying a few weeks longer than I anticipated.
I dont know what the plan is this yr. but it will never be as good as when my parents were alive and all the kids were little.
I've had my share of Holiday celebrations with and without family. Usually because I lived a good distance away. Both traditions have their good and bad points. Everyone has a relative who is a PITA. So many gifts to buy and packages to mail. All the cooking and preparing. Angst about finding the perfect present.
Time passes and the day comes when you realize Holidays will never be the same because most of the people you cared about are gone. There are no more gifts to buy and packages in the mail. You had your allotted number of family celebrations. You'll remember them and they'll be much more perfect in memory than they ever were in real life! You'll miss those people even though they weren't perfect.
You'll also be glad you formed your own traditions. Keep them and add in the best your family has to offer. Remember that nothing lasts forever.
This was an excellent post!! That is what the Holidays should be about!
We used to live in the same town as my parents, my in-laws, my sister, and my husband's sister. My paternal grandparents were an hour away, and my two uncles were also close. My husband's uncle lived nearby. In addition, my husband's godparents lived near us, and we are very (emotionally) close to them. It seemed like every holiday was rush, rush, rush, driving to this house and that to make sure everybody got fair time with the grandkids. Don't get me wrong, I love them, but it was exhausting. Every holiday and birthday seemed to involve at least two trips to different houses.
We moved out of state last summer. We had moved away before but spent Christmas back in California with the family. Last year, it was just us. It was nice to spend the day in our pajamas and not stress out about packing the car and when to leave Gram's to get to Uncle Don's and feeling bad for only being there three or four hours apiece.
This year, I'm feeling a little melancholy. Thanksgiving is always a big deal, with my grandma's kitchen table laden with turkey, ham, mashed potatoes, my mom's scalloped cauliflower, several kinds of vegetables and salads ... pies ... ohhh ...and everyone talking around Gram's big dining room table. She inherited that long table from her mother. I can see it with all its leafs in and the crocheted lace tablecloth with the burn mark in the middle, from when it caught fire when I was a child. Gram gets out the deep purple glass pitcher at Thanksgiving, and it's filled with ice water. There are candles on the table (trying to set it on fire again, I think), and the little crystal dish is full of sweet pickles and black olives. I put black olives on my fingers despite the look my mother gives me.
It will be just the five of us this Thanksgiving. I can get out my good china and crystal and set a pretty table, but there's no point in making food for 20 people.
I've had my share of Holiday celebrations with and without family. Usually because I lived a good distance away. Both traditions have their good and bad points. Everyone has a relative who is a PITA. So many gifts to buy and packages to mail. All the cooking and preparing. Angst about finding the perfect present.
Good points, very true.
Maybe if we had a better year financially I wouldn't feel like this.
I like to see my family but not at holiday time. Traveling is a major issue.
My parents don't travel in winter (so we can't invite them), my husband's family is abroad, so we are just really used to 'being alone.'
Good points, very true.
Maybe if we had a better year financially I wouldn't feel like this.
I like to see my family but not at holiday time. Traveling is a major issue.
My parents don't travel in winter (so we can't invite them), my husband's family is abroad, so we are just really used to 'being alone.'
The best gift you can give your children is those Holiday traditions you want them to remember. It doesn't have to be expensive or elaborate. Pass along the things you remember as wonderful. I bet most of them don't have anything to do with money.
I think I'm a bit maudlin this year about the Holidays. It's my first Holiday season with no parents. It's almost Thanksgiving and I don't have a single to do list.
Anyway, here's a small piece I wrote for the CD Fall Writing Challenge. I hope you give your kids your own version of these great memories.
Thanksgiving Memories
Talk radio droned on in the kitchen before sunrise. The windows were so steamed up from cooking that drops of water would run down to the window sills. Laughing and talking, we washed dishes, cleaned up, and created our usual Thanksgiving feast. Grandma's stuffing, pumpkin pies, and always a turkey that was "too big". The whole house smelled like Thanksgiving.
One year, we set the oven on fire when we tried cooking that turkey in a paper bag. Dad lost both eyebrows carrying the flaming bird out to the back yard. After the flames were extinguished and the smoke cleared we put the turkey back in the oven. Disaster averted.
When I was very young, I was more trouble than help. But you cleaned up my mess and let me do what I could. A few years later, with typical teenage disdain, the whole thing was so far beneath me that I refused to participate. You did all the work yourself. At long enough last, I became human again and enjoyed learning everything you had to share. For years we were co-conspirators, planning and preparing Thanksgiving.
Thanksgiving is just around the corner and soon I will start shopping for a good turkey that's just a little "too big". The stuffing and the pies will be made. This is my first year to fly solo. No safety net. But I will miss you. I'll turn on talk radio in the kitchen and I'll be straining to hear your voice in the background. I'll remember to be thankful. Thankful for all the Thanksgivings we shared.
We take vacations during the holidays. Maybe a ski trip for one holiday, a cruise for another, maybe a Caribbean trip so I can tan my hide by the water side. This works for me!
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