Humiliated: why would a girl chat up a guy she's not interested in and get mad when he asks her out? (how to, woman)
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I was studying at this quiet bar tonight. I was smoking outside, and this cute girl with another girl and a gay friend, who've I've ran into maybe twice before, asked me "why are you being such a loner?" I explained I was buckling down and studying for finals. We chatted for a bit and she went back inside I stayed out a little longer.
When I went back inside, I was determined to get back to my books, but she called me over to come sit next to her, so I thought that was pretty cool.
We started chatting for a bit, about what we like to read, what we do when we're not there, our hobbies and such; we had a funny conversation about which was more likely to be real; aliens vs vampires.
At some point in the conversation, she said "you're really well dressed, you know."
I replied, "thanks, it's just for work."
She said, "Yeah, you look a little gay though." I didn't know how to take that.
I simply said "umm... ... ...okay?" But we got our conversation right back on track.
So after maybe a 5 minute conversation, I said "listen, I gotta get back to my books, but..." and then I pulled out my cell phone, thinking we had shared a nice chat and that she liked me.
But then she asked "What's that?"
I replied, "Lets meet up again, except, not by accident."
And things went down from there.
She started laughing and asked "what the hell was that?!" I said "excuse me?" Then she made a mock low voice "let's meet up, except not by accident! That's the dumbest line I've ever heard."
I was shocked. I didn't know how to respond except "um... it wasn't a line. I was just asking for your number." It really wasn't a line, it just seemed like the natural thing to say; I didn't even think about it.
She said "You're not getting my number." Once again, more shock and confusion. I kinda just stood there for a few seconds, still trying to process the situation and find the right words to say. And she said "Well?" as if hurrying me to leave.
I said, "well, you started talking to me, you called me over to sit with you, so I thought..." but she cut me off and said "well, you thought wrong." Her friends started snickering. It was really hurtful and humiliating; I felt something well up inside of me, as if I was going to cry, believe it or not.
I just looked away and said "unbelievable."
She said, "awww... look, I'm sorry. Don't feel bad, you're not the first guy to try this tonight. Get back to your books alright."
I said "alright" and walked away.
I felt so hurt and humiliated for the rest of the night. Why would she do that? I didn't initiate anything with her! She started talking to me; she asked me to come sit with her; those are clear indicators when a girl likes a guy, and I naturally took them as such.
Why would she say all those things to me towards the end? I know I shouldn't let one person get to me, but this has been bothering me for the past several hours.
Last edited by Cyanosphere; 05-07-2009 at 12:06 AM..
I'm so sorry to hear this happened to you. Unfortunately, there are some girls who like to play games, manipulate and humiliate guys. It is some kind of power trip for them.
I doubt it would have prevented humiliation with this particular girl, but in the future it would be best if you give the girl your number. Many girls are unwilling to give their phone number to someone they just met.
I was studying at this quiet bar tonight. I was smoking outside, and this cute girl with another girl and a gay friend, who've I've ran into maybe twice before, asked me "why are you being such a loner?" I explained I was buckling down and studying for finals. We chatted for a bit and she went back inside I stayed out a little longer.
When I went back inside, I was determined to get back to my books, but she called me over to come sit next to her, so I thought that was pretty cool.
We started chatting for a bit, about what we like to read, what we do when we're not there, our hobbies and such; we had a funny conversation about which was more likely to be real; aliens vs vampires.
At some point in the conversation, she said "you're really well dressed, you know."
I replied, "thanks, it's just for work."
She said, "Yeah, you look a little gay though." I didn't know how to take that.
you could say something like "I'm gay, if I wasn't we would probably be in the bathroom right now" ... you know since SHE called you over. Then you can just say a couple more playful sexual things to make it somewhat clear that you are not as a matter of fact gay, just messing with her. If she replies with something like "In your dreams" or something similar just come up with something on the spot to disqualify her, like "no way, only 7's and up allowed in there" (giving the impression that she's not even a 7 in your scale)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cyanosphere
I simply said "umm... ... ...okay?" But we got our conversation right back on track.
So after maybe a 5 minute conversation, I said "listen, I gotta get back to my books, but..." and then I pulled out my cell phone, thinking we had shared a nice chat and that she liked me.
But then she asked "What's that?"
just give her the phone and tell her "It's a cellphone, you DO know how to use one right? Put your number."
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cyanosphere
I replied, "Lets meet up again, except, not by accident."
And things went down from there.
She started laughing and asked "what the hell was that?!" I said "excuse me?" Then she made a mock low voice "let's meet up, except not by accident! That's the dumbest line I've ever heard."
I was shocked. I didn't know how to respond except "um... it wasn't a line. I was just asking for your number." It really wasn't a line, it just seemed like the natural thing to say; I didn't even think about it.
She said "You're not getting my number." Once again, more shock and confusion. I kinda just stood there for a few seconds. And she said "Well?" as if hurrying me to leave.
I said, "well, you started talking to me, you called me over to sit with you, so I thought..." but she cut me off and said "well, you thought wrong." Her friends started snickering. It was really hurtful and humiliating; I felt something well up inside of me, as if I was going to cry, believe it or not.
I just looked away and said "unbelievable."
She said, "awww... look, I'm sorry. Don't feel bad, you're not the first guy to try this tonight. Get back to your books alright."
I said "alright" and walked away.
I felt so hurt and humiliated for the rest of the night. Why would she do that? I didn't initiate anything with her! She started talking to me; she asked me to come sit with her; those are clear indicators when a girl likes a guy, and I naturally took them as such.
Why would she say all those things to me towards the end? I know I shouldn't let one person get to me, but this has been bothering me for the past several hours.
She's one of those girls that just gets a kick out of stepping over you, and from your conversation you let her do it. It it would have been a guy you would have let him right? so why should you let her?
The: "you look a little gay" and "What's that?" is just her sizing you up, since you let her get away with it she stepped all over you. Why do you you giver her the power to humiliate you?
The: "you look a little gay" and "What's that?" is just her sizing you up, since you let her get away with it she stepped all over you. Why do you you giver her the power to humiliate you?
Hmm, sounds like she was aggressively trying to get treated like crap or something.
So after maybe a 5 minute conversation, I said "listen, I gotta get back to my books, but..." and then I pulled out my cell phone, thinking we had shared a nice chat and that she liked me.
But then she asked "What's that?"
I replied, "Lets meet up again, except, not by accident."
Mistakes here: pulling out your phone. Don't pull out your phone, don't scramble for a pen and a pad unless she's telling you the number already. If she's doing that already, she'll wait for you to write it down or key it in. I would feel pressured if someone was preparing to take something from me that I have not agreed to give just yet.
Lets meet up again, except, not by accident. The rest of the folks here are probably just too nice to tell you what they think of this. This wording makes you come across as you tend to overcomplicate things and to be a total PITA. Too many words too badly put together. "up", "except", and the rest can go. What you were thinking sticking your books into the talk, she does not care of your books, she sees a potential relationship, that's what she's thinking about, the books were misplaced and distracting.
Inquiries about gayhood were genuine interest, I figure.
You may have gotten a chance here if: "hey, really nice talking to you... Uhm, gotta go for now, can we meet again?" Now pause - not tense or inquisitive but casual, with the body language ready accept any reply. Smile. Gently.
From her POV, she saw a guy that looked interesting, checked the orientation, that looked good but then she saw that intrusion into her intention space, heard that twisted phrase and that broke the charm. The laugh was of a relief as she finalized her opinion that she bumped into a jerk worthless to her.
That's my account to my best knowledge. Sorry for being blunt, but hope this helps.
Mistakes here: pulling out your phone. Don't pull out your phone, don't scramble for a pen and a pad unless she's telling you the number already. If she's doing that already, she'll wait for you to write it down or key it in. I would feel pressured if someone was preparing to take something from me that I have not agreed to give just yet.
I think pulling out your phone is just fine, but just pull it out and give it to her, so she can put her number on it, don't say anything and just assume she knows what to do. If she doesn't BE surprised about it, as if you expect any girl you give your phone to, to automatically put her number in.
Mistakes here: pulling out your phone. Don't pull out your phone, don't scramble for a pen and a pad unless she's telling you the number already. If she's doing that already, she'll wait for you to write it down or key it in. I would feel pressured if someone was preparing to take something from me that I have not agreed to give just yet.
Lets meet up again, except, not by accident. The rest of the folks here are probably just too nice to tell you what they think of this. This wording makes you come across as you tend to overcomplicate things and to be a total PITA. Too many words too badly put together. "up", "except", and the rest can go. What you were thinking sticking your books into the talk, she does not care of your books, she sees a potential relationship, that's what she's thinking about, the books were misplaced and distracting.
Inquiries about gayhood were genuine interest, I figure.
You may have gotten a chance here if: "hey, really nice talking to you... Uhm, gotta go for now, can we meet again?" Now pause - not tense or inquisitive but casual, with the body language ready accept any reply. Smile. Gently.
From her POV, she saw a guy that looked interesting, checked the orientation, that looked good but then she saw that intrusion into her intention space, heard that twisted phrase and that broke the charm. The laugh was of a relief as she finalized her opinion that she bumped into a jerk worthless to her.
That's my account to my best knowledge. Sorry for being blunt, but hope this helps.
Noooo . You're over-analyzing.
If a woman likes you and the conversation has gone well, then a few awkward moves & words asking for your number will not inspire the reaction she had. From the female perspective, I don't think what he did/said was wrong or bad at all anyway.
She was checking him out for her gay friend. I'm positive that is it.
Or she is mean & likes to play bar games.
Humiliated: why would a girl chat up a guy she's not interested in and get mad when he asks her out?
Hang around and get an education. When you have a few hundred reputation points, newbies will ask you.
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. You're over-analyzing.