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How old are your children? If they would be better off with their father in the home, then bide your time until thry are raised and then free yourself from him. You are not the only one who ever chose a husband when you were too young. However, your first obligation is to raise your kids in a two parent home, if possible.
I can feel for your predicament. It is unfair, as some have characterized your relationship, as with someone of lesser intellect. What really occurred is that your husband stopped developing. This is very common among those who marry young. It doesn’t necessarily mean that he is stupid, just lacking in curiosity and new interests. I have friends like this. He is definitely not lacking in intelligence and has proved it to me several times. She on the other hand has put far more effort into developing her potential. They were compatible 30 years ago.
Many times, what attracted young women to their husband was his “availability”. Years ago, when jobs were plentiful, many boys dropped out at 16 to get a high paid union job in the local mill, a car, freedom, time on their hands. This made them very desirable to young women, in contrast with guys who went on to college for an indeterminate number of years.
Years go by and the two drift apart. Often it is a crisis such as the mill closing that triggers a separation. You are lucky this didn’t happen. In your case, it is the friction from living such incompatible lives.
However, I do have concerns. Obviously you spent many years getting a legal education. Who paid for this? Him, I’ll bet.
Seems like a good reason to delay getting married until you have completed your education – or at least have the end in site.
However, who is to say that if you had pursued your goals on your own dime, that the situation would have not been that your high powered husband left you for a more “uncomplicated” younger woman. How would you feel then?
Also, the times have been rather unkind to many who pursued their educational dreams. True soul mates can be difficult to find after your late 20s, for one sex or the other, depending where you live.
Just remember that your blue collar spouse that bores you to death intellectually, could have saved you $99.00? How is that possible? He would be smart enough to turn on the breaker that had tripped instead of the dude you replaced him with!LOL......... Gotcha!
Why can't you talk to somebody about your day just because they might be different career wise? What does your background have anything to do with it? A person might not understand the specifics about your career but do they need to? Seems to me with a bit of interest to the other person and a little humility toward yourself it is possible.
That is actually a really good point. I would guess that the majority of couples work in different fields; not wanting to hear about their day regardless of whether or not you are familiar with their chosen field means that you really aren't interested in learning more about the person, right?
And really, if every couple had everything in common...wouldn't that be a little boring?!?!
Quote:
Originally Posted by sophialee
First you were a man, then a woman, then a man, now you're a woman again. Hows that mannish haircut working out for you Brainy?
And please...I'd bet money that all those IP addys match or you're behind a proxy if you know how to use one. One thing in common w/ all your screennames is that you state you are intellectually superior/genius, so maybe you do.
Well, he/she may not be as much of a genius as he/she thinks. The OP of this thread originally had a location in VA and after the zip code match was pointed out, the location changed to MN. Funny how that happens
Well, he/she may not be as much of a genius as he/she thinks. The OP of this thread originally had a location in VA and after the zip code match was pointed out, the location changed to MN. Funny how that happens
Hahahaha! I bet he repped himself w/ his other IDs too.
Well many of the ones who are throwing their boring wives into a black pit are going to look for younger women - that's a common enough complaint of older divorcees, that the successful available men their age marry "down".
Throwing away a family might be -- it depends on what she's been working for the last 20 years, and if it's all about the job, that might be good because that may be all she ends up with in the end.
I hope she doesn't, because in reality a woman over 40, educated or not, with 4 kids will often encounter problems finding or keeping Mr. Perfect. What she could find is that some woman would grab up Mr. Blue Collar Working Man, and Mr. Perfect never shows up. The 4 kids might not like Mr. Perfect at all, may hate him and prefer Dad the nice boring guy. If the kids act up, they may chase off Mr. Perfect. Or the kids go to live with ole boring Dad and he gets 50% of her income to support them and Mr. Perfect might not like that too much.
I just think people have to be careful when they get a mid-life crisis.
This is why I said that she needs to sit down with her husband and talk. Furthermore, it would be beneficial if she did some self-exploring too to see what she genuinely wants. Sometimes other stuff subconsciously serves as a front for deeper desires/issues.
I am not insinuating that she should go and wreck her family or her children's lives to little pieces. However, everyone deserves happiness. If I was in a truly unhappy marriage and felt like I was surviving rather than living, you better believe I would do more than just sit there and mope.
Wow, as WK you said he snored to loud, does he still do that??
Quote:
Originally Posted by White Collar Worker
My husband is bored with me also. He does not relate to my friends who are all intellectual types and want to talk about things that put him to sleep. We have tried to go out as couples but his friends and wives (all connected with the factory) bore me to tears. My friends and spouses connected with the college I teach at (evenings) and the Law Firm I work at during the day, just bore him to tears.
Yes, we have the kids in common and our history but is that enough? We just no longer have any common interests. We tried marriage counseling but the couseler can not force us to become people we are not. Remember we married as teenagers and both came from working class roots, but I have moved on, my husband has not.
Do you have family or friends who have relatives or spouses who have just drifted apart as their friends, careers and interests evolve? What do they do?
I haven't read through all these posts yet, but I've read the first two or three the OP wrote and this is to you: You do not know how many of my professional women friends (including several attorneys) who are either single or divorced from professional men and are looking desperately for a blue collar man because the professional men were married to the careers, not their wives, and these women want a man who will LOVE them. They can make their own money, but they just want someone who is real, who will hold them at night and whisper sweet nothings to them and tell them everything is going to be okay.
Frankly, I would NEVER date an attorney --- too many hours at the job making mega money and not enough personal life to share with anyone.
You may need to part from your husband, but you need to think long and hard if he is still the good man you married. Be careful what you wish for, because you just may get it.
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Hows that mannish haircut working out for you Brainy? 
