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Yep....and it seems at this point like you just want to talk about how much less he is than you instead of getting serious direction. You already know what you need to do. Put him out of his misery -- and since it's illegal to murder anybody, what I mean is LEAVE HIM...God he must be so tired of you by now...I am.
(And sorry, I'm not usually so mean but you just either will not listen or you don't really want an answer).
Sorry OP, I had to. It's part of my job? LMAO....................
once a woman makes more than the man and outranks him it becomes very difficult to look up to him. something most women want.
curse of the women's movement. btw most power women i know are married to whimpy (the hambuger guy in popeye). they have learned that that type of man works well for them. the one they think they want, brad pitt, will not in fact load the dishwasher and will not orbit around them as will wimpy. orbiting around brad pitt does not work for the power woman.
once a woman makes more than the man and outranks him it becomes very difficult to look up to him. something most women want.
curse of the women's movement. btw most power women i know are married to whimpy (the hambuger guy in popeye). they have learned that that type of man works well for them. the one they think they want, brad pitt, will not in fact load the dishwasher and will not orbit around them as will wimpy. orbiting around brad pitt does not work for the power woman.
Hi, I just got back to this thread. I have to respectfully disagree with you about this. You are probably correct in some instances but not in all. Lots of "power" women have husbands who are not into the brutal dynamics of business, and they have a wonderful life with them. They want to be able to come home to sanity, and have the man they love there (not still at the office) where they can share their lives, not their business deals...I know it's not always the norm, but I think it's becoming more and more an alternative that women in powerful and/or demanding careers are choosing -- especially if they had previously been in a marriage with another "power" person...
It takes lots of confidence, lots of love, and wisdom and humor, but it works...there's a lifestyle for everyone, and this is one of them...thanks, in part, TO the women's movement.
When I met my husband twenty four years ago, we were both teenagers living in a small town in PA. It was the basic small factory town common in PA where almost every man went to work out of High School and lived the factory life. My husband is blue collar working class, true and blue. If you were casting for a movie and wanted someone who looked like a blue collar factory worker- he would be the right choice.
But now we are in our forties and he is still in the factory but in a larger town and I work as an Attorney. My intellectual skills, education and income has gone way up from the day we got married. He is still the same person. He does not read, follow the news, talk about interesting things, or do anything to expand his mind or career.
We do not fight, just exist in the same house. We have four kids which makes a divorce difficult. He knows I am frustrated with him but can not change. Sometimes I think he does not have the intellectual skills to move out of his factory working class existence.
What should I do? I have passed my husband by mentally, emotionally, financially, occupationally, and intellectually. (Yes, I know I sound like a snob, but we are opposites)
Sorry to read about your predicament. My experience was similar to yours, but a little worse. My ex-wife became a "bible thumping" Born-again Christian early in our marriage. Her "faith" gave her a false sense of security regarding many aspects of life. I did what I had to do to ensure our family's wellbeing. I prayed, had faith, studied long and hard, got the licenses required in my field and got a great job which provided well.
Like you, I was not intellectually or emotionally stimulated by my ex-wife. However, I painfully stayed by her side until our youngest was 17 years old. We were married 25 years. It was painful, but this is the price I felt obliged to pay for the wellbeing of our children and - to a certain extent - her's as well.
If your children are young, bear in mind their need for both mother and father. This is the price some of us must pay for the sake of those we brought into this world. At times, "we must decrease that they might increase." Wish you the best!
PS...many will contradict my actions and will be quick to say how much damage can be inflicted on children who grow up seeing unhappy parents. Thank God for the virtues of acting. Coulda won an Oscar!
When I met my husband twenty four years ago, we were both teenagers living in a small town in PA. It was the basic small factory town common in PA where almost every man went to work out of High School and lived the factory life. My husband is blue collar working class, true and blue. If you were casting for a movie and wanted someone who looked like a blue collar factory worker- he would be the right choice.
But now we are in our forties and he is still in the factory but in a larger town and I work as an Attorney. My intellectual skills, education and income has gone way up from the day we got married. He is still the same person. He does not read, follow the news, talk about interesting things, or do anything to expand his mind or career.
We do not fight, just exist in the same house. We have four kids which makes a divorce difficult. He knows I am frustrated with him but can not change. Sometimes I think he does not have the intellectual skills to move out of his factory working class existence.
What should I do? I have passed my husband by mentally, emotionally, financially, occupationally, and intellectually. (Yes, I know I sound like a snob, but we are opposites)
Oh for cripes sake, people with 4 kids divorce every day. Are you afraid of the support you may have to pay?
When I met my husband twenty four years ago, we were both teenagers living in a small town in PA. It was the basic small factory town common in PA where almost every man went to work out of High School and lived the factory life. My husband is blue collar working class, true and blue. If you were casting for a movie and wanted someone who looked like a blue collar factory worker- he would be the right choice.
But now we are in our forties and he is still in the factory but in a larger town and I work as an Attorney. My intellectual skills, education and income has gone way up from the day we got married. He is still the same person. He does not read, follow the news, talk about interesting things, or do anything to expand his mind or career.
We do not fight, just exist in the same house. We have four kids which makes a divorce difficult. He knows I am frustrated with him but can not change. Sometimes I think he does not have the intellectual skills to move out of his factory working class existence.
What should I do? I have passed my husband by mentally, emotionally, financially, occupationally, and intellectually. (Yes, I know I sound like a snob, but we are opposites)
An attorney, I'm sorry to hear that. You know what they say about attorneys right? Nevermind, I'll be nice. You know I had to pick on you a little, just because..
Alright, so, on to the advice..
The situation here isn't wholly untenable, in fact, it's really not that bad. My dear attorney, he's not the one with the issue here, but rather, it's you who have to work on your perception a little.
Let me explain..
If you will, take a moment and step into his life for awhile. It's always easy to do with people that you don't really know, but once you try to do that with someone you love, or, at the very least, are very close to, then circumstances and past events tend to taint one's perception. Still, try to see life from his point of view:
He's a good man, strong in his moral convictions, and stands proud of what he's accomplished in life. He has a beautiful wife, and four amazing kids that he loves without question. For nearly twenty years, he's done the same work, and done it well. He may not be the most intellectual person around, but he believes that his strength of character more than makes up for that.
Now, he sees his wife excel in all aspects of her life - in fact, he has not only supported her in doing this, but also encouraged her all along the way. He was there when she needed him - maybe not emotionally all the time, but he's given her the tools she needed to succeed, and she has, beyond all expectations. But, now there are problems. She has exceeded so well that she's slowly became someone different than the person he used to know. There's nothing wrong with that, in fact, he's proud of her, but he wishes that some things could go back to the way they were.
The couple fight a lot. He feels horrible because of this, and in his mind, there's not a thing he can do - so, they continue to fight. With every fight, he feels worse and worse, and is slowly getting to the point where he'll do just about anything to end the fight.
....you get the picture.
Thing is, the difference between reality and one's perception of reality makes all the difference. You see him as being one way, and he sees you as being another. To him, you may come across as condescending and superior. To you, he comes across as being a slow-witted fool. To him, he sees himself as a hard working man, who's trying his best to be a good husband to his wife.
He's showing his love for you by doing whatever it takes to provide for his family, and give you the things you desire most out of life. How do you show him love?
Think about that question, a lot. I mean it. Stop reading, and think about it: How do you show him love?
Now, does he know that's how you show him? Do you understand how he shows you?
The point here is this: Instead of fighting, both of you - and I do mean both - must step out of your lives for a moment and take a deep look at the other person. Try to understand that person for who they are - without prejudice, without trying to find fault - just try to understand. Thing is, in many ways, he is smarter than you. He is more emotionally balanced than you. He is more occupationally advanced than you. You just have to stop and try to see these things.
For example: Emotionally; he knows the value of family, and will set aside everything to preserve that bond. Intelligent; when it comes to mechanics, and how single parts of a whole interact, I think he's got you beat. Occupationally; he's kept working in the same field for how long?
The bottom line: Stop, learn to communicate with one another, understand one another, and then find common ground. You're not interested in what he is interested in, and he's not interested in what you are interested in - but, between the two, there IS something common that you can share together.
I hope you understand what I'm trying to say here.. and, in addition, I wish only the best for you both.
Addendum: So I go and spend 14.73 hours analyzing the post, and another 2.39 hours forming a remarkably coherent thought that bears some astute similarities to actual wisdom, only to find out that the OP was a fairly large shaggy brown beast that resides under a bridge.
Go figure. Bloody trolls. Remind me to read ALL the posts before I quickly reply.
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