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That's kinda the way I see it too. Altho, I'd just take the kid w/ me whether he wanted to go, or not (the 14 y/o). If the courts would allow it , of course, and she did not say if her exDH would protest. I'm thinking not because if the kid wanted to go it seemed like he was all ready to let him.
It didn't sound like the father's permission was a problem.
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My son decided that he would move there with me, then he changed his mind and decided he would rather stay in Kentucky with his other family and his Dad.
Basically, the OP changed her mind based on her son's changed mind and now laments about the lost love. Well, I wouldn't expect a different outcome myself.
Whether the guy is worth it or not we don't know and can't make assumptions, but that's the reality as far as them getting together.
Well, he is the only one that's rigid - she's floundering all over the place. I think they both have issues in the "what to do" department. Regardless of what the agreement is/was, he is expecting her to make all the sacrifices, and if she doesn't then he's gone. If that's not rigid, what is it?
So, whatever agreement the relationship was based on doesn't matter when it's no longer convenient...? Moving to Canada (11 hours from family and not having a job in the US) doesn't sound like the biggest sacrifice in the world to me.
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The funny thing is, if she came here and posted that she was moving across the border, dragging her kids with her, to live with a man who gave her no other choice but to move of be dumped, you would probably tell her she's stupid.
It all depends on the situation and the people involved - I don't have cookie-cut responses. I also don't have a policy of siding with my gender at all times. And what "kids" are we talking about? One is out of the house and the other will follow shortly, while in the meantime he has a choice of moving with his mother or staying with his father.
We all share opinions here. It's her decision. My typing will neither keep her in the US nor push her to Canada.
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Originally Posted by teatime
"Give up" their teens? No. Give them a choice of whether to come with or live with their other parent? Yes.
So, whatever agreement the relationship was based on doesn't matter when it's no longer convenient...? Moving to Canada (11 hours from family and not having a job in the US) doesn't sound like the biggest sacrifice in the world to me.
That's the great thing about life. You are allowed to change your mind at any time! Isn't it great?
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It all depends on the situation and the people involved - I don't have cookie-cut responses. I also don't have a policy of siding with my gender at all times. And what "kids" are we talking about? One is out of the house and the other will follow shortly, while in the meantime he has a choice of moving with his mother or staying with his father.
We all share opinions here. It's her decision. My typing will neither keep her in the US nor push her to Canada.
We are talking about her kids. You can say whatever you want about their age and location, but they are her children. Ask any parent and most of them are attached to their kids for some strange reason...who knows.
That's the great thing about life. You are allowed to change your mind at any time! Isn't it great?
Not if YOU are on the receiving end of it.
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We are talking about her kids. You can say whatever you want about their age and location, but they are her children. Ask any parent and most of them are attached to their kids for some strange reason...who knows.
Are you a child of divorced parents by any chance?
A huge red flag is the fact that Mr. Canada has basically said "Do what I want or you lose me."
How about his losing you? It sounds to me like he is placing himself on some higher plateau than he places you on. That is not true love. It's bullying.
We are talking about her kids. You can say whatever you want about their age and location, but they are her children. Ask any parent and most of them are attached to their kids for some strange reason...who knows.
Preach it spinx, you are right on the money. A 14 year old still needs a mother in her daily life - that's way too young to be running off 11 hours away and our OP knows it.
And I'm not diminishing a dad's role in a kids life, but men have a different kind of relationship with their children then women do (in general).
Every family is different of course but some of us moms (and dads) actually ENJOY having our kids be part of our lives. When I had to move in August 12 hours away from mine I cried every day for 3 weeks (and they're 20 and 26!). We are all just very close and involved in each others lives and it was a HUGE thing for me to go that far from them. HUGE.
It sounds to me like our OP seriously underestimated her real availability for being with her "true love" AND his willingness to wait until she can become more available.
A 14 year old still needs a mother in her daily life - that's way too young to be running off 11 hours away and our OP knows it.
Not that the gender if of most importance, but the 14-year-old is a boy, loves! I bet she hardly sees him as it is right now. He's locked in his own room listening to music, watching TV, playing video games, etc., and wanting nothing to do with her. If he doesn't do those things, he'd be a major exception! You have boys - you tell me what they were doing as teens! In 2 years he'll be driving and running around town with friends and in 4 years he'll be gone, at which time the OP will be older and alone. I can see your point somewhat if the child was really a girl.
What I'd like to know is why is Mom obligated to have full custody and not have a new relationship? Why can't Dad have custody while Mom has a new life?
She can have the kid two weekends a month (it's only 11 hours away) alternate holidays and one month during the summer. That's what most Dads get, we talk about equality for the sexes. Why can't this Mom go be with her new man while Dad raises the kid? Why is she evil for doing what men do?
*sigh* Besides the kid issues, this "soul mate" have given too many ultimatiums. That alone is a HUGE NEON RED FLAG. My gawd, I have been in this exact situation years ago and without a second thought, chose my CHILD. I am not saying she shouldn't have a life other than her kids, but pawning them off to go hump some guy in Canada isn't my idea of a sucessful relationship. This is an effing Lifetime Movie or MSN special report in the making.
Tell the Canuck to go pee up a rope and look for love closer to home. The End.
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Moving to Canada (11 hours from family and not having a job in the US) doesn't sound like the biggest sacrifice in the world to me. 
