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I've been dating a man for about 2.5 years and am 13 weeks pregnant. We have a good relationship but he always told me that he didn't have emotional feelings for me; just more like a best friend. Now that he has found out about the pregnancy he is begging me to marry him. But I don't know if I can see it, because I know he would not consider it otherwise. The pregnancy was not planned but is very wanted after I got over the shock. We are both early 40's so its not like we are kids. I just don't know if I can face being married to someone that I love very much and knowing he does not love me... for the rest of my life.
I've been dating a man for about 2.5 years and am 13 weeks pregnant. We have a good relationship but he always told me that he didn't have emotional feelings for me; just more like a best friend. Now that he has found out about the pregnancy he is begging me to marry him. But I don't know if I can see it, because I know he would not consider it otherwise. The pregnancy was not planned but is very wanted after I got over the shock. We are both early 40's so its not like we are kids. I just don't know if I can face being married to someone that I love very much and knowing he does not love me... for the rest of my life.
In your situation, yes, I would consider marriage.
There are worse things in the world than being married to your best friend!
He sounds like a good guy, someone eager to accept and love your child.
All babies deserve a chance to be born into a stable home, and if he does think of you like a best friend, he does love you (though I get that you want romantic love too).
And not that you can count on it, but many a man has fallen in love with their best friend, especially once they watch them go through pregnancy and become a mother.
I couldn't see marrying someone who doesn't love me. It just seems like things wouldn't work out. I would wonder what the future would hold; how much happiness or contentment in spending life with someone who you already know doesn't have feelings for you.
It sounds to me like he does not have enough self awareness to have a long term happy marriage.
I think you should remain best friends and raise the child together (and have sex if you feel like it), but leave open the possibility that in a few years you will be ready to date and will find a man who loves you and your toddler.
In your situation, yes, I would consider marriage.
There are worse things in the world than being married to your best friend!
He sounds like a good guy, someone eager to accept and love your child.
All babies deserve a chance to be born into a stable home, and if he does think of you like a best friend, he does love you (though I get that you want romantic love too).
And not that you can count on it, but many a man has fallen in love with their best friend, especially once they watch them go through pregnancy and become a mother.
Best of luck to you!
I disagree. They should get married so the baby can have a stable home? If this man doesn't love OP and the only reason he is marrying her is because of the baby, then at some point that stable home is not going to be so stable. Marriage is hard enough when two people really love each other. I can't imagine how hard it would be if neither person really wanted to get married in the first place. OP, it would be foolish to marry this guy and hope he'll fall in love with you. Falling in love after the fact is possible, but it's pretty unlikely. It's been 2 years already. If he doesn't love you by now in a romantic way, then I doubt anything will change that. What happens when he meets the woman he DOES feel romantic love for? And what about you? Don't you want the opportunity to experience real love? You guys can raise the baby together as best friends and be wonderful parents. You don't have to be married to give a baby a stable life.
I disagree. They should get married so the baby can have a stable home? If this man doesn't love OP and the only reason he is marrying her is because of the baby, then at some point that stable home is not going to be so stable. Marriage is hard enough when two people really love each other. I can't imagine how hard it would be if neither person really wanted to get married in the first place. OP, it would be foolish to marry this guy and hope he'll fall in love with you. Falling in love after the fact is possible, but it's pretty unlikely. It's been 2 years already. If he doesn't love you by now in a romantic way, then I doubt anything will change that. What happens when he meets the woman he DOES feel romantic love for? And what about you? Don't you want the opportunity to experience real love? You guys can raise the baby together as best friends and be wonderful parents. You don't have to be married to give a baby a stable life.
You know, prior to the recent evolution of the concept that all marriages should spring from some huge love affair, people for centuries got married out of mutual need for survival.
And many of those marriages that started out as beneficial partnerships did go on to become great love affairs, or at least comfortable friendships.
Did you miss the part about him seeing her as his best friend and how he is eager to marry? These are no small details!
We can agree to disagree on what constitutes a "stable home" for a child. But statistics are on my side that babies and young children are safer emotionally and physically in 2 parent households.
You know, prior to the recent evolution of the concept that all marriages should spring from some huge love affair, people for centuries got married out of mutual need for survival.
And many of those marriages that started out as beneficial partnerships did go on to become great love affairs, or at least comfortable friendships.
Did you miss the part about him seeing her as his best friend and how he is eager to marry? These are no small details!
We can agree to disagree on what constitutes a "stable home" for a child. But statistics are on my side that babies and young children are safer emotionally and physically in 2 parent households.
No need to be snarky, yes I did read the entire post. And I think it's great they are best friends and it is indeed noble that he is willing to marry her. But what happens in five years? In twenty? A baby isn't enough to hold together a marriage for forever. They don't have to be married to be a 2 parent household. They are both committed to the baby, they both care about each other and get along. How does a marriage change what kind of parents they'll be?
Things are VERY different now than back when people got married for survival. People have different expectations about marriage now and to marry because they feel obligated to the baby is a reason that is going to leave them both disappointed down the line.
I know you want to do the right thing by the child but this will eat at you until you end up bitter and divorced anyway. Marriage requires a lot of sacrifices from both parties and if you feel that you're sacrificing for someone who doesn't even love you then it will get very ugly.
Aside from wanting to do the "right" thing what is his motivation for marriage? At your age you should definitely be financially self-sufficient and he can pay child support if it's about money. So what is this really about? Is this about finances or health insurance?
Quote:
Originally Posted by pan zareta
I've been dating a man for about 2.5 years and am 13 weeks pregnant. We have a good relationship but he always told me that he didn't have emotional feelings for me; just more like a best friend. Now that he has found out about the pregnancy he is begging me to marry him. But I don't know if I can see it, because I know he would not consider it otherwise. The pregnancy was not planned but is very wanted after I got over the shock. We are both early 40's so its not like we are kids. I just don't know if I can face being married to someone that I love very much and knowing he does not love me... for the rest of my life.
No need to be snarky, yes I did read the entire post. And I think it's great they are best friends and it is indeed noble that he is willing to marry her. But what happens in five years? In twenty? A baby isn't enough to hold together a marriage for forever. They don't have to be married to be a 2 parent household. They are both committed to the baby, they both care about each other and get along. How does a marriage change what kind of parents they'll be?
Things are VERY different now than back when people got married for survival. People have different expectations about marriage now and to marry because they feel obligated to the baby is a reason that is going to leave them both disappointed down the line.
But I wasn't being "snarky" I was truly just disagreeing with you and explaining why
I've been dating a man for about 2.5 years and am 13 weeks pregnant. We have a good relationship but he always told me that he didn't have emotional feelings for me; just more like a best friend. Now that he has found out about the pregnancy he is begging me to marry him. But I don't know if I can see it, because I know he would not consider it otherwise. The pregnancy was not planned but is very wanted after I got over the shock. We are both early 40's so its not like we are kids. I just don't know if I can face being married to someone that I love very much and knowing he does not love me... for the rest of my life.
He doesn't love you but you are best friends who have sex...?
Huh?
Best friends who have sex. Think about that. Isn't that the goal of any marriage?
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You know, prior to the recent evolution of the concept that all marriages should spring from some huge love affair, people for centuries got married out of mutual need for survival.
I was truly just disagreeing with you and explaining why 
