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As far as the kids, I don't see where the problem is - one is adult and the other, even though still a little young, has a father and a family to remain with. She's not abandoning him - he was offered to move with her. Also, Canada is not halfway across the world.
In the days before children started running the households, they were doing what they were told to whether it was their first choice or not. Maybe some army brats don't want to move every couple of years or live in foreign countries, but they do because that's what their parents need to do and that's that.
You are absolutely right. I've learned this lesson the hard way.
I was a single mum who put her child's needs first and foremost. In retrospect, I should have been a bit more selfish because now my son has his own life and I have an empty nest. I realize that I should have dated more and expanded my social circles instead of putting everything into raising and supporting him.
OP, if you think this man is your soulmate, go for it. Your daughter is 18 and your son wants to live with his dad. So be it. In no time at all your kids are going to have their own lives and, believe me, they won't make you a priority. Their love interests and friends WILL come first.
Really?! And how long is life to put it on hold for years anticipating unknown results...?! More importantly, why would anybody want to do it?!
As long as it takes? Unbelievable how instant gratification is so rampant in some people. Look at history, look how long lovers were separated and waited for each other during times of war or when men had to go far away for work or when new frontiers were being settled. And they didn't have the option of visiting or emailing or phones or skype. Even some people today, missionaries, soldiers, etc. wait, sometimes for a couple years. Besides, nobody in their right mind would give or take an ultimatum like that. But there are many people who are not in their right mind...I'll grant you that.
This whole situation stinks to high heaven (long distance, short time, few visits, ultimatums, etc.) and that very few of use recognize that, and buy lock stock and barrel the stupid "soul mate" thing, is scary.
If she does go I practically guarantee it wont work out. You can quote me.
Circumstance happens, Sierra. Being rigid isn't conducive to love (the OPs man is a perfect example).
It's interesting why you and many others find only the man rigid. Even if you don't share my view about the kids, he's in precisely in the same situation kids-wise. I really don't expect a man to always "move mountains"... He's a person, too, and has his priorities. It'd be great if he can and does, but I would certainly understand if some don't. Besides, as it was already mentioned, it seems like the relationship progressed on the assumption of the OP moving and now she's backing out of the agreement.
Personally, I could never leave my kid behind to be with a man. Sorry, you sound selfish to even think about leaving your kids. There are many red flags, I just hope you see them.
It's interesting why you and many others find only the man rigid. Even if you don't share my view about the kids, he's in precisely in the same situation kids-wise. I really don't expect a man to always "move mountains"... He's a person, too, and has his priorities. It'd be great if he can and does, but I would certainly understand if some don't. Besides, as it was already mentioned, it seems like the relationship progressed on the assumption of the OP moving and now she's backing out of the agreement.
That's kinda the way I see it too. Altho, I'd just take the kid w/ me whether he wanted to go, or not (the 14 y/o). If the courts would allow it , of course, and she did not say if her exDH would protest. I'm thinking not because if the kid wanted to go it seemed like he was all ready to let him.
People would give up their teenagers for a lover? I think that's weird. Lovers will be there when the kids are grown. There is nobody in the world I would give up raising my kids for. Nobody.
It's interesting why you and many others find only the man rigid. Even if you don't share my view about the kids, he's in precisely in the same situation kids-wise. I really don't expect a man to always "move mountains"... He's a person, too, and has his priorities. It'd be great if he can and does, but I would certainly understand if some don't. Besides, as it was already mentioned, it seems like the relationship progressed on the assumption of the OP moving and now she's backing out of the agreement.
Well, he is the only one that's rigid - she's floundering all over the place. I think they both have issues in the "what to do" department. Regardless of what the agreement is/was, he is expecting her to make all the sacrifices, and if she doesn't then he's gone. If that's not rigid, what is it?
Is it realistic to think that making that huge of a change in one's life is not going to cause some reason for doubt? The funny thing is, if she came here and posted that she was moving across the border, dragging her kids with her, to live with a man who gave her no other choice but to move or be dumped, you would probably tell her she's stupid.
People would give up their teenagers for a lover? I think that's weird. Lovers will be there when the kids are grown. There is nobody in the world I would give up raising my kids for. Nobody.
"Give up" their teens? No. Give them a choice of whether to come with or live with their other parent? Yes.
Lovers will NOT always be there. Before you know it, the kids are grown, happily living their own lives, and you are middle-aged, having to reinvent your own. It's not easy. I'm in this situation now and can't help but think about what might have been if I was a bit kinder to myself and not completely about my son.
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