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Work on yourself, your career, your ambitions, your dreams, your interests, etc.
If you do this, the women will come. It is VERY attractive when a guy is enjoying and pursuing his life.
The only problem with that scenario is often your goals and ambitions become roadblocks to actually forming relationships.
I ended up finding this out 2 years ago in college when I realized that between focusing on student government, GPA, scholarship requirements, maintaining the apartment, and working on future academic/career goals there was little time to do the in depth relationship stuff I did as a sophomore.
How many decades have you been harboring severe issues of resentment toward women? .
A year and six months. Give or take a few days.
Quote:
Originally Posted by mango tango
It doesn't take a psychologist or a psychiatrist (are you either? you do seem act as if you are privy to an uncanny timeframe regarding their research) to see, based off your posts, that you have some problems.
My problems are not as severe as guys who use pick up lines in order to get women in bed.
I am having a hard time with this I would like to find a nice woman to spend time with and let it grow into a relationship. But most women my age are looking for someone that is really successful and already has a good paying job. I'm not at that point yet it my life and I don't have a house so should I just concentrate on basic dating and not worry about a long term relationship? If I just say I'm looking to date will I get labeled as one of those guys that is a serial date or a commitmentphobe? I'm not poor or broke I've never married and I don't have any kids but like I said most women probably don't consider someone in my position as relationship material. I'm in my early 30's and I assume I at least deserve some type of interaction with the opposite sex.
I would ignore women. Build your life. Complete yourself as an individual. As you build and focus on yourself and perhaps other people (other than women), women will take interest in you, the right women, who will see you for your actions and deeds.
The WORST thing you can do is have a longing for women. It will reek of desperation, for settling, etc. they will find it sad in a pathetic way. Rid yourself of any such thoughts.
You will be happier.
Nothing personal but let me point out the worry signs.
"But most women my age are looking for someone that is really successful and already has a good paying job." Irrelevant. Who cares what women are looking for? If you play to them, you will lose. Instead, develop the best version of you possible.
I don't have a house so should I just concentrate on basic dating and not worry about a long term relationship? Lack of confidence = death knell. Get rid of that feeling. Quit comparing yourself to the local rich stud. Just be the best you can be.
one of those guys that is a serial date or a commitmentphobe? Very troubling statement. You are placing too much focus on being reasonable to women and not enough on building yourself into a person that will naturally attract.
I'm not poor or broke I've never married and I don't have any kids but like I said most women probably don't consider someone in my position as relationship material. Dude, too sappy. You will repel them will this attitude.
I'm in my early 30's and I assume I at least deserve some type of interaction with the opposite sex. Three strikes and you are out! Actually, this statement is borderline disturbing and kind of scary. Once you start talking about "deserving," I start thinking about serial killers.
Look it is very simple: play the sap lacking in confidence and women will run. Play "hard to get" and women will intrigued and interested. I have seen some pretty amazing women fall for relatively simple guys because the latter are real salt of the earth.
The only problem with that scenario is often your goals and ambitions become roadblocks to actually forming relationships.
I ended up finding this out 2 years ago in college when I realized that between focusing on student government, GPA, scholarship requirements, maintaining the apartment, and working on future academic/career goals there was little time to do the in depth relationship stuff I did as a sophomore.
I was speaking in terms of attraction. Overall, women do want men who have their Moderator cut: snip together.
Last edited by cricket_factor; 02-01-2010 at 05:00 PM..
Some good posts no doubt....sandpoint I probably should have revised that whole line about what people deserve. My point was mostly that wanting relations with the opposite sex is just human nature and I don't feel anyone should be denied that just for not being what society says is normal or within acceptable range. I would say that about anyone not just myself, it's my view on the whole world. Since in our society (and women have confirmed this) many women do expect a guy in his 30's to already have a career making a lot of money and a house. A lack of which is not a crime, it's merely what is considered "normal" or what type of guy women "should" pursue.
Let's say in a hypothetical society somewhere in the world it was considered "normal" for women to marry only men with the same color of hair as her. I, and I'm sure most of you, would say that's illogical since she could have a successful relationship with a man no matter what the color of his hair is. Even though in "her" society she has been told her entire life that she will only have a successful relationship with a man that has the same color of hair as her. It's a different society so it's blatantly obvious to us how illogical it is but to her it's quite normal because that is the society that she grew up in.
I was speaking in terms of attraction. Overall, women do want men who have theirModerator cut: snip together.
That is true, but at the same time it doesn't bode well for forming a relationship if they guy has his Moderator cut: snip so well together dating and relationships takes a back seat to other goals, which was what happened to me around my junior and senior years of college 1-2 years ago. I dated, and often there was attraction, but in grand scheme of things forming a relationship took a back seat to academic goals.
Last edited by cricket_factor; 02-01-2010 at 05:01 PM..
That is true, but at the same time it doesn't bode well for forming a relationship if they guy has his s h i t so well together dating and relationships takes a back seat to other goals, which was what happened to me around my junior and senior years of college 1-2 years ago. I dated, and often there was attraction, but in grand scheme of things forming a relationship took a back seat to academic goals.
There will always be obstacles in life to forming a relationship. People just learn how to get passed them. If you had met a girl you were crazy about, you would have found the time to make the relationship work. Yes, goals and ambitions take up a huge part of one's life, but there is always an opportunity to form a relationship (unless you're literally traveling around constantly). And I don't believe that having your Moderator cut: sniptogether so well means that dating and relationships have to take a back seat. We all socialize at one point or another. The only reason I can see someone's ambitions and goals hindering him/her from dating/relationships is if they give him/her tunnel vision to where all his/her focus is directed toward said dreams and goals. But then that person is probably not that interested in dating at the time being anyways. They're thinking about other things.
Last edited by cricket_factor; 02-01-2010 at 05:02 PM..
There will always be obstacles in life to forming a relationship. People just learn how to get passed them. If you had met a girl you were crazy about, you would have found the time to make the relationship work. Yes, goals and ambitions take up a huge part of one's life, but there is always an opportunity to form a relationship (unless you're literally traveling around constantly). And I don't believe that having your together so well means that dating and relationships have to take a back seat. We all socialize at one point or another. The only reason I can see someone's ambitions and goals hindering him/her from dating/relationships is if they give him/her tunnel vision to where all his/her focus is directed toward said dreams and goals. But then that person is probably not that interested in dating at the time being anyways. They're thinking about other things.
That tunnel vision is the thing. If you start doing something either academically or professionally and are rather successful at it aka you have your together when doing it other things tend to take a back seat because that success is fun, fulfilling and can consume you in a way. Sure if a guy or girl you go crazy about just comes along you might make the time, but unless that smacks you in the face you might not notice especially if you are not looking particularly hard. On top of that you may be interested in a relationship and dating, but at the same time those other things you have going for you get in the way. This can and often does create critical junctures where you have to make hard choices between that fulfillment you get from pursuing your goals and the time demands a good relationship requires. It may not even be a quantity of time issue, but a quality of time issue since certain days and certain times tend to be valuable for both and professional goal fulfillment.
Last edited by cricket_factor; 02-01-2010 at 05:03 PM..
That tunnel vision is the thing. If you start doing something either academically or professionally and are rather successful at it aka you have your together when doing it other things tend to take a back seat because that success is fun, fulfilling and can consume you in a way. Sure if a guy or girl you go crazy about just comes along you might make the time, but unless that smacks you in the face you might not notice especially if you are not looking particularly hard. On top of that you may interested in a relationship and dating, but at the same time those other things you have going for you get in the way. This can and often does create critical junctures where you have to make hard choices between that fulfillment you get from pursuing your goals and the time demands a good relationship requires. It may not even be a quantity of time issue, but a quality of time issue since certain days and certain times tend to be valuable for both and professional goal fulfillment.
You can chase your ambitions and have a relationship too. Maybe not everyone is capable of juggling both, but I know a lot of people who can, myself included.
Last edited by cricket_factor; 02-01-2010 at 05:03 PM..
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