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Agree. Sometimes people need to examine and think what they can actually offer. People are often quick to make up lists of what they want in a person, but what do they offer? Strange. Why should someone pick them out of the other 100000 girls & boys out there.
Exactly.
And often people focus on the common traits that they can offer. "Oh, I'm pretty, nice, and have my s h i t together." Well, that's lovely, but so do 39047343 other people.
It can be kind of harsh to actually sit down and think about what you have to offer a person, besides just a warm body.
And about your other post, well I can say this...I have asked myself many questions. And the one thing I can come up with is that I wonder if I'm subconsciously sabotaging myself. When I am in a relationship I give my all. I love fully. I try to do nice things for the person, I fix issues immediately, I want to make them happy and bring joy to their life. My last relationship was the first time I'd fallen in love since my divorce. And he's only the second man in my life I've ever loved. And he burned me, bad. And that ended well over a year ago. It took a while to get over, because I came out of it with my self-esteem in the gutter. And sometimes I wonder if I am too scared to let anyone near me, good guy or not so good. The thought has crossed my mind. I think I will ask my counselor about it this week
You and me both. Unfortunately there's a word for these traits. I think I'll go start another thread.
And about your other post, well I can say this...I have asked myself many questions. And the one thing I can come up with is that I wonder if I'm subconsciously sabotaging myself. When I am in a relationship I give my all. I love fully. I try to do nice things for the person, I fix issues immediately, I want to make them happy and bring joy to their life. My last relationship was the first time I'd fallen in love since my divorce. And he's only the second man in my life I've ever loved. And he burned me, bad. And that ended well over a year ago. It took a while to get over, because I came out of it with my self-esteem in the gutter. And sometimes I wonder if I am too scared to let anyone near me, good guy or not so good. The thought has crossed my mind. I think I will ask my counselor about it this week
Speaking strictly from heresy, I know that one of the things that sabotage women with men is arrogance. I am not suggesting that you're an arrogant b i t c h by any means, but I am just pointing out that it is so easy to come off as arrogant. Sometimes you don't even realize that's how people are perceiving you. I have this problem and I'm really trying to work on it.
Another problem is acting like you don't need a man. Sure, independence is a fantastic thing, but why would anyone want to be in the life of someone who is expounding on how much he/she doesn't need another person?
A third thing is acting like you have something to prove. That is a big turn-off.
I'm not insinuating that you are any of these things. I am just pointing out traits that often people don't think about.
You and me both. Unfortunately there's a word for these traits. I think I'll go start another thread.
Yes it's called codependent Which is what I used to be. Now, I do those things out of love...not out of a need to fix a person, to boost my self-worth, or to control. That was a personality trait that took a looooong time to resolve. And I had to do it outside of a relationship.
Boy I sure hope I put this nicely and hope you actually somewhat understand football. LOL
I think right now you are being "uncoachable." It may very well be possible that you are a great quarterback. You might have a golden arm, great footwork and great knowledge of the plays. Yet, however we don't have the best pass blocking team in the world. The other team is sacking you on every third down because you think you throw the prettiest square in in the world using a 7 step drop. But I WANT you to throw a slant using a 3 step drop because you don't have enough time for that.
I think many people need to stop thinking about what they want out of a potential significant other and ask themselves what they have to offer.
This comment isn't directed toward anyone in particular.
Sometimes it's helpful to focus on certain important qualities you're seeking. Compatibility is a big issue on every potential relationship. For example, I wouldn't be able to stay with a man who slept with X number of prostitutes in his earlier years. I know some people who wouldn't mind and can handle that but I can't.
Constant smoker (smoking 1 pack a day) and a binge drinker is a deal-breaker too....
Sometimes it's helpful to focus on certain important qualities you're seeking. Compatibility is a big issue on every potential relationship. For example, I wouldn't be able to stay with a man who slept with X number of prostitutes in his earlier years. I know some people who wouldn't mind and can handle that but I can't.
Constant smoker (smoking 1 pack a day) and a binge drinker is a deal-breaker too....
You are being "uncoachable" too. All you divas need to start running wind sprints.
Boy I sure hope I put this nicely and hope you actually somewhat understand football. LOL
I think right now you are being "uncoachable." It may very well be possible that you are a great quarterback. You might have a golden arm, great footwork and great knowledge of the plays. Yet, however we don't have the best pass blocking team in the world. The other team is sacking you on every third down because you think you throw the prettiest square in in the world using a 7 step drop. But I WANT you to throw a slant using a 3 step drop because you don't have enough time for that.
There's nothing new you would be willing to try?
LOL ummmm...haha. I think I understand what you mean. It's not that I'm unwilling to try something new or to take suggestions, it's just that I don't understand how I'm supposed to compromise on my dealbreakers. And I don't understand what I'm supposed to compromise on if the men I meet just have those dealbreakers. I'm all for trying new avenues, etc. I actually never go looking for men, they find me in various places. But I have tried everything from salsa dancing (my main hobby) to cultural events to coed softball to online dating. If you have other suggestions I would be happy to hear them
Yes it's called codependent Which is what I used to be. Now, I do those things out of love...not out of a need to fix a person, to boost my self-worth, or to control. That was a personality trait that took a looooong time to resolve. And I had to do it outside of a relationship.
Boy I sure hope I put this nicely and hope you actually somewhat understand football. LOL
I think right now you are being "uncoachable." It may very well be possible that you are a great quarterback. You might have a golden arm, great footwork and great knowledge of the plays. Yet, however we don't have the best pass blocking team in the world. The other team is sacking you on every third down because you think you throw the prettiest square in in the world using a 7 step drop. But I WANT you to throw a slant using a 3 step drop because you don't have enough time for that.
There's nothing new you would be willing to try?
I get where you're coming from. It's easier said than done though. Maybe guys should be the ones coaching girls in dating rather than girls coaching girls?
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