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I will start from the beginning. I met this woman in 2008 via an online dating site. We became friends on Facebook and communicated primarily that way. I always had a crush on her, and there was innocent flirting between us, but nothing ever accumulated (I moved out of state and got engaged, then moved back to the state and broke up with said fiancee, but she had a bf at the time; in fact, after my fiancee and I broke up she suggested we became roommates). Finally, last year, I had my shot. We went on a lunch date since she was going out of town the next day. We had a great conversation, and I definitely felt a connection (we're both in special education, so we have plenty to talk about). I could not stop thinking about her ever since that encounter. Fast forward two weeks later when she returns from her trip. She calls me and tells me about her vacation, and then she tells me she got a job offer in another part of the state and that she would be moving. Panic stricken, I reached out to my friends, who said that I should tell her that I like her. I ask her out again and take her out. I bought her flowers and took her to a nice restaurant. We again have a great night, which ends in us making out in front of her apartment building. The way she looked at me before we kissed again seemed to tell me she felt the same way. However, she never returned any of my calls or texts after that, and in fact we didn't talk for months.
Fast forward two years. I just landed my first teaching job, and now we are not only living in the same area, but in the same district. Today we were talking, and she suggested we go out Tuesday night (an early birthday celebration since I turn 35 Wednesday). During the course of talking, it was revealed that she is seeing someone. I told her that I want to talk to her because I don't want any weirdness between us.
I'm just going to lay it out on the table. I'm going to tell her the reason why I asked her out that night two years ago was to tell her how I feel, and that I wanted to explore the option of a LTR (after all, we were only 100 miles apart). I'm then going to tell her that it hurt when she stopped talking to me for several months.
My instincts tell me that she still likes me; we've been talking a lot since I got this job offer, and she's been slightly flirtatious, and frankly I take "seeing someone" as to be not that serious. Is there anything else I should tell her? Should I just say my piece and that's it? Any other thoughts?
Last edited by jzcrandall; 08-25-2013 at 09:05 PM..
Honestly, don't. It's a bad move. I think you should respect the fact that she is seeing someone. If you start making plans with her, it might scare her off and you'll probably never see her again. You're coming off way too strong, especially as she is seeing someone. You'd be putting her in a very tricky situation where she would have to choose between you and her current boyfriend. It's definitely a bad move in my opinion. Don't mess her life up.
Besides, if you tell her you want to explore the option of an LTR knowing she is dating someone, you must be a bit insane. This is way too strong and you're definitely going to scare her off. No joke. You don't even know if she really likes you in that way. My advice is you just stop getting ahead of yourself. You're already talking about LTR yet you don't know if your feelings are reciprocated. This is way too much. It sounds pretty selfish also. It's like you're planning the woman's life before you even start dating, and women don't like that. She'll feel controlled for sure.
Just leave it as it is. See her as friends, keep hanging out with her until she realizes you're a catch/she likes you (or not) and at that point, you'll be able to start planning something or moving on for good.
Honestly, don't. It's a bad move. I think you should respect the fact that she is seeing someone. If you start making plans with her, it might scare her off and you'll probably never see her again. You're coming off way too strong, especially as she is seeing someone. You'd be putting her in a very tricky situation where she would have to choose between you and her current boyfriend. It's definitely a bad move in my opinion. Don't mess her life up.
Besides, if you tell her you want to explore the option of an LTR knowing she is dating someone, you must be a bit insane. This is way too strong and you're definitely going to scare her off. No joke. You don't even know if she really likes you in that way. My advice is you just stop getting ahead of yourself. You're already talking about LTR yet you don't know if your feelings are reciprocated. This is way too much. It sounds pretty selfish also. It's like you're planning the woman's life before you even start dating, and women don't like that. She'll feel controlled for sure.
Just leave it as it is. See her as friends, keep hanging out with her until she realizes you're a catch/she likes you (or not) and at that point, you'll be able to start planning something or moving on for good.
Before I even read this, I already arrived to this conclusion on my own. On Wednesday we were at a staff development together (we're both Social Studies teachers), and afterwards we went to lunch. Interestingly enough, I was not as attracted to her as I was the last time I saw her. I'm just going to let fate play itself out, and I'll know that whatever happens is for the best.
In the course of 5 days, you're now seeing someone else??
I think, if anything, what you have felt was the lust for the unknown. She was a catch that was just a little out of your reach, and then she disappeared. It wasn't finalized, no closure. So, you trumped things up in your mind and put her on a pedestal. So, of course you had an electric jolt when you saw her for the first time in 2 yrs.
I think this is a good time to repeat over and over .. "don't get my meat where I get my bread," or "don't sh** where I eat."
Fast forward two years. I just landed my first teaching job, and now we are not only living in the same area, but in the same district. Today we were talking, and she suggested we go out Tuesday night (an early birthday celebration since I turn 35 Wednesday). During the course of talking, it was revealed that she is seeing someone. I told her that I want to talk to her because I don't want any weirdness between us.
I'm just going to lay it out on the table. I'm going to tell her the reason why I asked her out that night two years ago was to tell her how I feel, and that I wanted to explore the option of a LTR (after all, we were only 100 miles apart). I'm then going to tell her that it hurt when she stopped talking to me for several months.
My instincts tell me that she still likes me; we've been talking a lot since I got this job offer, and she's been slightly flirtatious, and frankly I take "seeing someone" as to be not that serious. Is there anything else I should tell her? Should I just say my piece and that's it? Any other thoughts?
Yes I have thoughts: don't do any of that. If you want to retain any shot at all with this broad you better not say anything stupid or awkward. No laying anything on the table...let her come to you.
Just see how it goes. You're right about one thing though - the whole thing about her "seeing someone" is something you should just pretend you didn't hear. For all you know that could just be a cover she's using in case you turn out to be as weird or awkward as you plan on being. Yes, women do that stuff. On purpose! Shocking I know.
I think you should ask her why she stopped responding to your texts, etc. that other time. Clearly, she's willing to see you again, so what could it have been? I think you deserve an answer. Depending on how she reacts, gauge how to proceed from there. Whether or not this is a good idea tactically, I don't know, but I think you need some closure, and getting an answer to that may give you that. Or...not.
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