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Author of Eat, Pray Love discusses marriage vs. a wedding and types of marriages with CNN's Cambell Brown
(Excerpt)
CNN: Marriage has often been portrayed as something that protects women. But you found in your book that it benefits men the most. Were you surprised by that?
Gilbert: It's surprising, though it shouldn't be. Looking at study after study, it becomes quite chilling to see how very much benefited men are by marriage. Married men perform in life exceptionally better than single men, they live longer, they're richer, they're happier.
CNN: And yet men are often reluctant to enter into marriage.
Gilbert: Which is the big irony. They have to be dragged kicking and screaming into something that will benefit them enormously in life. And the cruel irony is that the people who drag them kicking and screaming into it -- the women -- are the ones who often find that they've gotten the short end of the stick.
Women give more and as a result they give up more.
I think the other problem is that women go into marriage with such high expectations, really inflated romantic ideas about what this relationship is going to be. Men go into marriage with virtually no expectations whatsoever. Ten years later, the men are delightfully surprised to find out that it's actually kind of nice, and the women have sort of had to take a nose dive from what they thought it was going to be.
-- the women -- are the ones who often find that they've gotten the short end of the stick.
Thats not entirely true .. however to each their own !
What she means by that is that their romantic expections are so high they feel that way when it doesn't work out on that grand scale. You have to look at everything she says not just isolate that part of the sentence.
There is also a segment in the transcript where she discusses women are conditioned to want a "wedding" not a 'marriage.'
What she means by that is that their romantic expections are so high they feel that way when it doesn't work out on that grand scale. You have to look at everything she says not just isolate that part of the sentence.
There is also a segment in the transcript where she discusses women are conditioned to want a "wedding" not a 'marriage.'
I do think this is true. I think, in general, young women are so excited about planning the wedding and the romance of the whole thing, that they are not realistic about the expectations of marriage. As wonderful as my husband is, I do think that men benefit more from marriage.In general, I think that the lion's share of the everyday workings of the family falls on the woman, whether she works outside the house or not. I did not get married until I was 38. I grew up without a Mom so I became used to taking care of myself. My dad died when I was 33, so I no longer had anyone to depend on at all. I had worked in my career since the age of 21, was financially taking care of myself, bought my own house, and I would be paying for my own wedding. Needless to say, it was small and very budget friendly! Anyway, my point is, that I do believe that these theories are true-men benefit more,women are not realistic about what marriage will be like.
I notice she didn't include anything about divorce in her study to determine that marriage benefits men more than women.
Because it's not about divorce and it is not about money issues either. The book was prompted by her own divorce. When she discussses the aspects that marriage benefits men more - she details why in overall health and welfare of the human being, married men live longer, less health problems, least likely to die a tragic death etc and it is just the opposite for married women. It's more about who has more practical expectations and realistic expectations. It's all in the link provided. I just watched the interview this morning. She does discuss divorce to the degree of people who marry out of practicality vs those who marry strictly for love.
Excerpt from her book
As a rule, of course, most divorces are pretty bad (Rebecca West observed that "getting a divorce is nearly always as cheerful and useful an occupation as breaking very valuable china"), and our divorces had been no exception. On the mighty cosmic one-to-10 Scale of Divorce Badness (where one equals an amicably executed separation, and 10 equals . . . well, an actual execution), I would probably rate my own divorce as something like a 7.5. No suicides or homicides had resulted, but aside from that, the rupture had been about as ugly a proceeding as two otherwise well-mannered people could have possibly manifested. And it had dragged on for more than two years.
Last edited by Thursday007; 02-13-2010 at 06:10 AM..
Because it's not about divorce and it is not about money issues either. The book was prompted by her own divorce. When she discussses the aspects that marriage benefits men more - she details why in overall health and welfare of the human being, married men live longer, less health problems, least likely to die a tragic death etc and it is just the opposite for married women. It's more about who has more practical expectations and realistic expectations. It's all in the link provided. I just watched the interview this morning. She does discuss divorce to the degree of people who marry out of practicality vs those who marry strictly for love.
Excerpt from her book
As a rule, of course, most divorces are pretty bad (Rebecca West observed that "getting a divorce is nearly always as cheerful and useful an occupation as breaking very valuable china"), and our divorces had been no exception. On the mighty cosmic one-to-10 Scale of Divorce Badness (where one equals an amicably executed separation, and 10 equals . . . well, an actual execution), I would probably rate my own divorce as something like a 7.5. No suicides or homicides had resulted, but aside from that, the rupture had been about as ugly a proceeding as two otherwise well-mannered people could have possibly manifested. And it had dragged on for more than two years.
Well divorce is such a large factor in her premise, that her ignoring it makes her point meaningless.
What she means by that is that their romantic expections are so high they feel that way when it doesn't work out on that grand scale. You have to look at everything she says not just isolate that part of the sentence.
There is also a segment in the transcript where she discusses women are conditioned to want a "wedding" not a 'marriage.'
so whats the difference between a wedding and a marriage ? ..well im not isolating a sentence .. it could be true to some extent ..but dont u think we all have a lil hope or expectations per se with our potential mates or partners for that matter .. i mean without hope theres no chance of survival in any case .. life isnt all about just food,clothing and shelter ..love,peace,religion and relationships .. its about living a life to fulfill the purpose .. we dont happen to exist by chance .. everything is planned and its perfectly set to meet its fate ..similarly before getting into the marriage.. its normal to have hopes and expectations but on a certain level .. men and women are simply inclined towards eachother but in opposite directions .. and thats what i believe is an X factor .. i might be wrong but i dont claim to be right either .. views and opinions ofcourse are welcome if not hurting peoples sentiments ..thats about it
so whats the difference between a wedding and a marriage ? ..well im not isolating a sentence .. it could be true to some extent ..but dont u think we all have a lil hope or expectations per se with our potential mates or partners for that matter .. i mean without hope theres no chance of survival in any case .. life isnt all about just food,clothing and shelter ..love,peace,religion and relationships .. its about living a life to fulfill the purpose .. we dont happen to exist by chance .. everything is planned and its perfectly set to meet its fate ..similarly before getting into the marriage.. its normal to have hopes and expectations but on a certain level .. men and women are simply inclined towards eachother but in opposite directions .. and thats what i believe is an X factor .. i might be wrong but i dont claim to be right either .. views and opinions ofcourse are welcome if not hurting peoples sentiments ..thats about it
Planning a wedding and planning a marriage are quite different and many women don't see past planning this romantic wedding and understand the realism of say 30 years from now it won't be like your first kiss. I think for your issue you might want to click on the link and somewhere in the middle it says "Read Excerpts from the book" and click on that and read that excerpt. It better addresses your issue. She was just as suprised as anyone about what she discovered by researching this issue. It's not just her view and opinion.
Last edited by Thursday007; 02-13-2010 at 06:50 AM..
Well divorce is such a large factor in her premise, that her ignoring it makes her point meaningless.
I'd go into the link and in the middle of the transcript it says "Read Excerpt from the book" and the info she has there better covers the perspective with divorce. The whole thing is how she and her husband had sworn after their own divorces to never marry again.
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