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When I was very young, I cheated on my husband...he cheated on me, and I thought it then, to be a way of getting even....but low and behold, I have to tell you, the guilt of that mistake, caused me great termoil for years...and I can't help ponder the thought now, if afterwards and all these years, I'd chosen men who were womanizers...simply b/c I felt, deep down inside, I didn't deserve better?
So, yes, indeed, to me, and for me, infidelity IS a primitive disorder, one that can hurt many people for years....and a very selfish act...which also shows, no self control....weakness, and a lack of self confidence.
Don't be so hard on yourself. You hit a couple rocks in the field of life.
Keep your hands on the plow and keep looking forward. You look back and you will never straighten out the future. In other words, you will always have crooked rows if you keep looking in the past. Try hard to stay focused and keep positive.
Thank you for such a nice reply. It is defintaly a hard road to take. I can't say I am there yet on giving up on him. Though maybe I really should be, you post rings so true. You are right when you say that they are the ones that fail you, that they are restless wanders that are never happy for long. This is exactly how I feel. He is just a free spirit, needs that freedom to just go where his heart desires, no real roots in life. Nothing wrong with it,in some ways I admire him for being that way. Though I am slowly starting to see that we are just different in what we want in the long run . Even though we make awesome friends, and he is very supportive of me. Has been there through my father's recent death and a tramatic house fire , and supports my goals in my career and sports life. Though those things are great, he broke the trust and really I dont see ever regaining it, no matter how hard he may try.... thanks for the support and advice..... take care
I would say leave him in the dust.
Up front you always let them know that if they ever, EVER break that trust that you would be gone.
I have set those rules up immediately in general conversation and everyone that knows me will admit I am a man of my word. If I say I will do something...I WILL do it.
My wife destoyed my trust in her in so many ways that did not include adultry but it has takin me YEARS to just give her an ounce of my affection or caring. I was so distraught over what she did to me. I have since put passwords on everything I own and she doesn't like it but knows why I do it. I am alot more laxed with my conduct sometimes too because of this lack of trust but I have tried my hardest to move forward and let some stuff go but it's hard. She's NOT my best friend. Sometimes I don't even consider her a close friend. It's hard.
If there was a cheating like what you say happened I would have left. No questions asked. I think most of her doing was stupidity and mental problems and a bad upbringing. Still...
Hope you can get a long period to get that dust to settle so you can see more clearly. Right now you are in the fog. Take some time off.
I know that the hardest part for me, if I were to try & work it out with a cheater, single or serial offender, would be living with my own imagination. I know me, & I would torture myself with the what-ifs so much that it would just not be worth the energy to try to resurrect an already badly damaged relationship.
WR, if you are thinking of working it out, you are a stronger person than I! Just do some really deep introspection & make sure that you actually have the capacity to trust him again.
Good luck to you, & don't put up with any crap from him...you deserve to be treated better than that!
Exactly. That offender would never be forgiven cause you would think that when he goes to the store for something you will think he is meeting someone in a parking lot somewhere. If he is gone longer than necessary then you would drill him as to why it took so long.
I know alot of people like that. It would be better for the offender to leave then to live a life of he** like that.
If it's not true, hurting the cause of men and women. Then don't write the book. Over 3,000 books are published each day in the world. As the doctor said, "that's a lot of miss information out there."
We don't want any more garbage...the politically incorrect is the way to write. Women play games...now there's headlines!
Then change the rules when you begin to understand the game.
Is there going to be any mention in this book on the women who "fall" for these womanizers? No women's perspective?
I think it would be just as interesting to see you explore what type of women go for these guys.
On a lighter note, I keep envisioning a guy wearing a gold chain and his top three buttons undone to show off his manly man hairy chest.
I work in prison and let me tell you something. Men in prison have all day to work their "game" and many inmates have two or three women sending them money. The inmates like to share their love letters with their buddies.
It never ceases to amaze me how many women are attracted to inmates. And even worse, we are always getting women who hire into the correctional system and fulfill their fantasy of inmate/staff sex. I have seen several women lose their jobs and then move to a city that is close to where the inmate is being housed. An interesting side note to your book and ample survey data would be to interview inmates who really fit the bill of "serial cheaters/womanizer.
Its like a game to see who can father the most children with some of these guys. It is said many inmates have the emotional maturity of a 14 year old. Can't say I disagree.
I don't get it...since most men are trying to stay out of anything like a relationship, why don't they use prostitutes? Sure they pay for it, but they pay for dinner dates, movies, etc. in order to get sex. It would be far more honest and stop all the bad stuff out there.
Men don't seem to want to date. It is a bad thing they put up with in order to gain sex, but if they could stay away from having to do the small talk, they would. Women pretend men really like them, and that men want "relationships" with them...but men only do this for a steady supply of sex and many can't bring themselves to do the prostitute thing. They have some mental hangup.
2009 Translation: "Date" has been replaced. It's now "Booty call"
Spiritwalker this expression appears very cathartic for you. I enjoyed reading your words.
I don't believe there's any lofty or groundbreaking epiphany that occurs to people that makes them cheat. Also people who cheat are still just people like everyone else. There is nothing more or less special about them compared to any other person. I think people cheat for very mundane reasons and that there is no grand cause or motivation that will explain it. Here are some random thoughts; I cheated because:
I'm not physically attracted to you anymore.
I'm physically attracted to someone else.
You've gained to much weight.
You're going bald.
You're bad in bed.
You have a small penis.
I don't like your attitude.
You're dumb, lazy or disorganized.
You're boring.
You're a bad cook.
You're broke and can't really do anything for me.
I feel like I settled for you and I want to try and do better.
You have no ambition and I don't think you will amount to anything.
You are not nice.
You have bad grammer.
I'm embarassed to be seen with you in public.
After meeting your family, I'm not encouraged about the future.
I think we would have ugly children.
You have a dead end job.
You don't make me happy.
I feel bad when I'm with you.
I wanted to get back at you for something else.
I get physically sick when I think about you touching me.
I did it because he/she is prettier/more handsome than you.
I did it because I have too much free time on my hands.
I did it because my mom/dad did it all the time.
I did it because I could.
I could go on but you all get my drift. Furthermore, I think how one responds to cheating says more about the person than the cheater. I would guard against over analyzing the other person's behavior and probably chalk it up to the fact that they want something else, period, end of story and then just move on.
Barren_milf I'm a librarian and read alot of books. I'm fascinated by writers and I congratulate and bid you well on this year long journey. I've read many stories about infidelity and betrayal and one that I've read recently about this very idea is The Great Pretender by Millenia Black in which the lead character has two lives with two wives in two different cities. The book has a crazy ending which I won't reveal as not to spoil it if someone wants to read it, but I would say that what I would be interested in reading is a story in which the characters deal with some of these mundane ideas in a kirky yet humurous way. Sort of poking fun at our own misconceptions about love, romance and relationships. Anyhow I wish you well with the project.
Cheasare
Wow!! Great post and lot of brilliant insight there. I liked the reasons you listed. Lets add "your vagin has stretched beyond repair and I feel nothing".
quote=humanmess;1751571]I think some men get a thrill out of 'tricking' vunerable women into falling in love with them. Only to drop them and find another victim. Some of these women will try to get back together with these men and will do anything to get their man back even if they waste many years of their lives.
Most womanizers can give a woman extra special attention like they never have had before and can sweep a girl off her feet falling head over heels in love with them. Don't know if the man feels the same or not but the womanizer I work with has called this a fantasy and refers to the girl as his toy.
[/quote]
Sounds like a good recipe for smoked piggy roasting over a crackling fire of brimstone-lol! Everyone pays their dues, you can take that to the bank
It depends on how you are referring to the term womanizer. I disagree with how many sources define womanizer, and here is why:
The two types of Womanizers are (1). Men who naturally (that is the key word) have an appeal to woman because of their natural intelligence, style, charm, charisma, and good looks. These men do not in anyway have to pursue women, as many women are attracted to the Womanizer naturally. Many so called womanizers do stay loyal in relationships and because of their unique qualities, find monogamous relationships attractive and preferable. The drawback to this type of "Womanizer" is that he is many times categorized with the second and most common class of "Womanizers". (2). This is a class of men who normally have very low self-esteem , oversized egos, and little respect for women. The difference in identifying this type of womanizer is by the reason he is referred to as such. For instance, a woman may see a man who does not have style, yet he pursues women like a pig. These types of womanizers though are generally referred to by other names such as Perverts, Pigs, Male Chauvinist
"I love my Mother, and growing up and all my life she would notice how women would flock to me, and literally fall to my feet, (from when I was a baby) this had nothing to do with my conscious intent of attracting women of all ages. I am just a very charismatic individual, who is multi-talented, naturally sensitive, somewhat faminine, and of genius intellegence. The only reason I state these facts is for the purpose of understanding that some men actually have a natural ability to attract both sexes (and are typically referred to as Womanizers)." -A Serial Womanizer of the Natural Kind
Quote:
Originally Posted by barren_milf
I'm writing a book about what goes through such a man's head. How much of what you do is premeditated, or are you you just addicted to the fun of it?
Help me in my research and tell me your story. Be as anonymous as you like. This is going to be a work of fiction, cobbling characters from the stories I hear and throwing in some of my own experiences.
Some questions I'm also looking for answers to:
Are you aware that you have charisma?
Do you have that "special something" that causes women to practically throw themselves at you? You might not even be that great looking, but you have no trouble finding partners.
Are you a good lover, and do you ever feel used by these women for your skills?
Do you really fall in love with these women?
Be as frank as you can be on this board, without getting too graphic. If you have more to tell, PM me.
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Sex Cells! 
My Two Cents
