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Thanks for the offer, you can PM me any time you like
Still, I did already try learning from books and I'm not sure this is useful to learn something more than the crude basics: It's like trying to learn dancing reading books. I mean, I already have close friends, some of them female, and have no problem relating to them so I think I'm no social inept (which is where most books start anyway).
So then the way to learn should be, as you said, observing and experimenting. I know a couple of guys that know this stuff, and I have tried imitating them but I didn't achieve anything so far. There are 2 problems: Most of the time they can't even explain how they do it. An also, what fits their appearance and personality will often not fit mine. So I have to admit I am a bit lost here.
I bet it is kind of like asking a person with an excellent ear for music to explain how they do it. It just comes naturally to them so they do it without thinking. I agree with Ms. Mango. It is going to take experimentation and picking and choosing the methods that work best for you, your personality, etc. You also might want to branch out into different social scenes and setting, because some places/groups work better for different personality types. It will also give you a chance to see more people and perhaps will give you new ideas that suit you.
Thanks for the offer, you can PM me any time you like
Still, I did already try learning from books and I'm not sure this is useful to learn something more than the crude basics: It's like trying to learn dancing reading books. I mean, I already have close friends, some of them female, and have no problem relating to them so I think I'm no social inept (which is where most books start anyway).
So then the way to learn should be, as you said, observing and experimenting. I know a couple of guys that know this stuff, and I have tried imitating them but I didn't achieve anything so far. There are 2 problems: Most of the time they can't even explain how they do it. An also, what fits their appearance and personality will often not fit mine. So I have to admit I am a bit lost here.
Well, duh books aren't going to magically turn you into a master seducer. However, they provide you with information, and I'm not merely speaking of "10 Ways to Make Her Fall in Love With You" but books that teach you about psychology, how people communicate, and why. Books provide knowledge. Books will give you the foundation needed to build yourself.
It is going to take experimentation and picking and choosing the methods that work best for you, your personality, etc. You also might want to branch out into different social scenes and setting, because some places/groups work better for different personality types. It will also give you a chance to see more people and perhaps will give you new ideas that suit you.
I can only agree with you here mary. I have been trying to do this some time now, and there is not much more I can do that just keep trying.
The real problem with this approach in my opinion is getting past the beginning. To learn something by experimenting, the method is making your attempts and trying to find out what worked when you were successful and what spoiled it when you were not. But, until you get at least some initial success you are essentialy lost because you won't have any real feedback to work with.
I can only agree with you here mary. I have been trying to do this some time now, and there is not much more I can do that just keep trying.
The real problem with this approach in my opinion is getting past the beginning. To learn something by experimenting, the method is making your attempts and trying to find out what worked when you were successful and what spoiled it when you were not. But, until you get at least some initial success you are essentialy lost because you won't have any real feedback to work with.
Very true. You might want to practice on women you are not interested in, like elderly ladies, married ones, etc, and see if there is a +/- response. It gives you the feed-back to gauge how certain approaches/topics are received without the pressure of really caring about the outcome one way or another. I wish I could be more help, but I'm not a guy. I do know that I was and still am shy, but have gotten better at talking to strangers just by making myself talk to everyone. It has helped, but I still have situations where I am completely at a loss at what to talk about.
Very true. You might want to practice on women you are not interested in, like elderly ladies, married ones, etc, and see if there is a +/- response. It gives you the feed-back to gauge how certain approaches/topics are received without the pressure of really caring about the outcome one way or another. I wish I could be more help, but I'm not a guy. I do know that I was and still am shy, but have gotten better at talking to strangers just by making myself talk to everyone. It has helped, but I still have situations where I am completely at a loss at what to talk about.
Same here. The occasional tounge-tied is just part of being human. Happens to all of us.
I have been searching many forums for a long time now. I have seen countless threads about guys who can't get women attracted to them. They would ask for help, work on it, try again, complain, ... you know the deal. I even made a thread about this here some time ago.
But the thing is: Having read so many threads about this, I have never found one of these men that was successful. Some threads were well beyond 100 pages, so there has to be some good advice there. Some men sounded like they were doing good work... but they never made themselves attractive enough to find someone.
So my question is simple. Can a man learn to be more attractive? Or will the ones who are successful will keep getting all the women? So far the evidence I have doesn't seem very promising.
What is your definition of successful? Are you talking about being able to bag a woman? Approaching a woman and holding a conversation? Getting an actual date? What?
What is your definition of successful? Are you talking about being able to bag a woman? Approaching a woman and holding a conversation? Getting an actual date? What?
I meant to help out the guy that never had success with the ladies.
I guess that was a tall order.
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