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When I was younger and dating I would never tolerate a cheater. I really never attracted that type. We attract I believe what we are willing to accept...something like that. Anyhow, there was only one guy I ever knew that cheated on me while I was on a vacation. I broke up with him immediately! I didn't have to think twice about that, not for a second. That was the only situation I was ever in and always said I would NEVER tolerate a cheater.
Then I got married and he cheated. SHOCKED!!!!! I couldn't believe it. I must say, it felt very different now that I was a wife. I tried to exhuast every avenue before I ended the marriage. He didn't cheat again. It just changed things. To this day he is happily married to another woman for 8 years and there are no rumors at all of him cheating. Two kids....
One never knows what motivates people to do such a thing. Some I believe are chronic...but I never expected that from him and I don't know that he has done it again.
It really is a painful thing. I am sorry for any that have experiended it. My divorce was one of the most painful experiences of my life. I do however hold no ill feelings towards him. I loved him very much at one point. Hating him only makes me feel worse. I simply removed him from my life after a lot of hurt and pain and NOW hold no anger towards him (I sure did before). That worked for me.
I still believe we attract a certain type. I have never again been with a guy that was a cheater. I do think it was a freak thing with my ex, but it changed everything for me. He had to go....
No, it's not that I need closure on it. I already have had that, and even if I didn't, I could care less about getting closure. And I wasn't looking for a therapy session here, but thank you anyway for your input. I posted this because I was curious as to what others thought about the subject. I don't think it is correct to say that if it still stings a bit, that I'm not over it. In fact, I think kicking her to the curb was the BEST thing I've ever done for myself in terms of relationships with the opposite sex, and it has a great effect on me because it increased my self respect and self esteem... and I learned how to catch the signs of an unfaithful partner much quicker. And it helped me figure out what I want in a woman and in a relationship with one.
I think cheating consitutes anything you would not do in front of your partner.
I'm not trying to diagnose your case, but as I read your story I could feel the pain that was inflicted to you. To me closure means coming to peace with it, not accepting it. I don't think peace stings...that's all.
I'm not trying to diagnose your case, but as I read your story I could feel the pain that was inflicted to you. To me closure means coming to peace with it, not accepting it. I don't think peace stings...that's all.
Sorry if I offended you.
No offense taken. We'll have to agree to disagree on your last statement. I've made my peace with it, even if it stings a LITTLE (it was a lot more painful back then), and I take pride in what I've done and I'd do the same thing again if it happened once more.
No offense taken. We'll have to agree to disagree on your last statement. I've made my peace with it, even if it stings a LITTLE (it was a lot more painful back then), and I take pride in what I've done and I'd do the same thing again if it happened once more.
Glad to hear. I want to clarify that I wasn't challenging your decision. I hope that you can find someone who will treat you with love and respect. Take care.
But I don't hate women! And I sure as heck would not cheat on one. I've been cheated on. I would not wish that on anybody, or allow myself to be that much of a lowlife.
Did not say you did. It is an enlightened view of relationships, and answeres alot of the questions asked here. Reading for knowledge will not hurt anyone.
Well, I must say I am encouraged by much of what people have written in this thread.
I am also zero-tolerance. I'm a middle-aged, divorced male. I have never cheated, and I honestly believe my former wife did not cheat either. We trusted each other, were honest with each other, and faithful, and loyal. And had three wonderful children. The marriage failed for other reasons, and the divorce was amicable. We continue to respect each other though we no longer socialize except for children's graduations and things like that.
That said, << IF >> I were with someone who I discovered ( not merely suspected ) was cheating, I wouldn't stop loving her ( for me love is not something that comes and goes ), and I would forgive her, but I would NOT be with her any more. The marriage-partnership-relationship-friendship-affection would be over.
Moreover, it does not matter why. I agree with floridadreamer, there is NO excuse for infidelity.
Well, I am with the people of zero-tolerance. I dated this one guy who wanted to multi-date (date more than one person at a time) and I said no, and immediately stopped seeing him.
I don't believe there is a valid reason or not to cheat. Both the hubby and I are firm believers re zero tolerance (he was cheated on in his first marriage).
adultry is running 50% now. due to no fault divorce law it is no longer a penalty activity. most folks wont behave unless somebody is standing over them. i wish i could say it was a shameful thing that just men do, but its not.
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zero tolerance?
