Men and women - if your partner cheats on you, would you tolerate it? Would you hesitate to leave your partner, and stay in a relationship thinking that trust can be repaired? Have you been in that situation before, and how did you handle it? I'm curious.
I'm asking because I've been cheated on a few years ago. I have zero tolerance for cheating, and when I say that, I mean
ZERO tolerance - once I found out what she had done, I flicked her out of my life. Just like that.
Here's what happened:
I was living with my (ex)girlfriend of 1.5 years in a nice apartment downtown, and I was paying 3/4 of the monthly rent and she chips in 1/4 of it. I took her out on dates and was pretty generous towards her, and one night she went out with "the girls". No problem, we all need some space.
I was chilling at a bookstore, when a trusted buddy of mine texted me and said he saw my gf at a club. I texted back, and said "hey thats cool, go tell her hi and talk to her". My buddy responds with: "umm. there's one little problem. she's with some other guy."
As soon as I saw those words, I felt a stabbing pain in my chest and my face felt hot. I struggled to breathe. Then I calmed myself down and texted back "what do you mean?" Well, my 2 other friends, who were hanging out with my buddy, texted me saying the same thing... and that she's making out with this guy on the dance floor. So that confirms it.
Half an hour later, I went home, and I sat on my couch thinking, "how could this happen? What went wrong?" I texted my buddy saying, "are you sure it's the right girl?" He responds by saying "check your email, I snapped a pic on my cell phone... she left the club with that guy"
I log onto my email, and sure enough, there was a picture of my girl leaving with this lanky guy with blonde hair. Same dress, same shoes, and her face was to the side, but I could instantly recognize her. It was her. It really burned me up. After shedding some (or more accurately, a LOT of) tears, I decided to end the relationship. Then I calmed down, took a shower, freshened up, and I waited until she came back home (at 6 am).
She was surprised to see me awake... and the conversation went like this - I was calm and grim the entire time:
Her: Why are you still up?
Me: Can't sleep. Why did you come home so late?
Her: Well, I went to a friends party, and I missed the last train home.
Me: *no response - just stared at her*
Her: *gets uncomfortable, starts filling in the silence with all sorts of excuses and explanations while avoiding admitting what she had done*
Me: Well, I heard you had a
really good time at the club.
Her: huh?
Me: Come on. Stop lying to me.
Her: WHAT!!!! I'm NOT lying! How could you say that to me? *getting defensive*
Me: I'm no fool. Look at the computer screen *flicked it on, incriminating picture comes up*
Her:
Me: You violated our trust that binds our relationship. I will not tolerate this. Strike one, and I'm gone. This is something I cannot forgive. You have 48 hours to pack your stuff, hand me over the apartment key, and get out of here.
Her: *starts arguing, saying she won't leave*
Me: *trying my best to stay calm* If you do not pack up and get out by then, then I will pack your stuff and throw you and your stuff out.
Her: *storms out of the apartment in a huff*
I don't know where she slept that night, but it was no longer my concern. She came back and begged me to forgive her, and I ignored her pleas. This went on for 2 days. At the end of the 48 hours, she hadn't done any packing. So I waited until she had to go to work, I took the day off and packed her things into her bags. Then I had the resident manager change the lock on my apartment door and gave a new key. I dropped off her bags outside the door. No note, no email, no nothing.
Heard some pounding on the door, and I slipped a post-it note under the door... saying that if she didn't stop pounding the door, I would call the police and have them haul her away.
Never saw her again and/or contacted her after that. I did get a few emails from her months later, but I didn't bother replying.
So that's how I don't tolerate cheating in my relationships with women.
I'm curious to see if anybody has been in a situation where their partner cheated on them and how did they handle it? I'm also even more curious to hear from people who have cheated on their partners, and what led them to cheat, and why did they act on their urges. I know everyone has their urges (we're all humans here), but the fact that they act on them while in a relationship with someone leads me to believe that something was lacking in a relationship.
In hindsight, I realized that although I was generous, I wasn't the best boyfriend. I could've listened more, made more effort to understand her, and refrained from trying to solve her problems as she explained them to me. I can tolerate and forgive a lot, but I draw the line at cheating (as well as stealing).
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