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I have tried to work with her, I tried to compromise. An incident that happen not too long ago would give a better picture of what I dealing with. We went out to eat and the resturant was closed. I offered another place but she wanted to go to a place that I wasn't interested in. So I compromised and spent the next 15 minutes (I'm not exaggerating) naming off resturants after resturants, but she kept on insisting that we go to her resturant. Than she said that I was too rigid and had to learn to compromise. I lost it than, got real mad and we ended fighting the rest of day. A few days later during our marriage counseling all she could talk about was how right her resturant choice was and I was too rigid.
I have tried to work with her, I tried to compromise. An incident that happen not too long ago would give a better picture of what I dealing with. We went out to eat and the resturant was closed. I offered another place but she wanted to go to a place that I wasn't interested in. So I compromised and spent the next 15 minutes (I'm not exaggerating) naming off resturants after resturants, but she kept on insisting that we go to her resturant. Than she said that I was too rigid and had to learn to compromise. I lost it than, got real mad and we ended fighting the rest of day. A few days later during our marriage counseling all she could talk about was how right her resturant choice was and I was too rigid.
Honestly, I feel for you as one parent to another, but I also feel for your wife.
There is no way I am willing to validate your "diagnosis" that she has Autism or that she is a bad wife or an uncaring mother, from your posts.
I think many of the examples you are giving are typical of many marriages facing rough times.
I really wish you, your wife and especially your son luck. He sounds like he has potential for great things. Please re-read this thread and contact a local support group. Network with other couples of children with Special Needs.
Honestly, I feel for you as one parent to another, but I also feel for your wife.
There is no way I am willing to validate your "diagnosis" that she has Autism or that she is a bad wife or an uncaring mother, from your posts.
I think many of the examples you are giving are typical of many marriages facing rough times.
I really wish you, your wife and especially your son luck. He sounds like he has potential for great things. Please re-read this thread and contact a local support group. Network with other couples of children with Special Needs.
Good Luck
I completely agree! There isn't much else to be added
nowwhat, robee has given you some great links for potential sources of support, I hope you will use them.
I went through some off the worst financial struggles in my business during the last 18 months. I need to talk to her about the how hard it was. I kept on trying to have a discussion with her, after two weeks of my trying she finally call me on the cell phone and now she had a few minutes to talk to me.
I could never figure out what she do all day, she don't work and my kids are at school. I understand if she was busy but she has all day to do nothing. I was always a good provider, she never had to worry. I paid off all our houses on her 40th birthday. We own three houses in a very exculsive neighborhood with no payments. One of the house was for her parents, this way she wouldn't need to worry about them. I also paid off all her fathers debt, support her brother through college and took her younger sister with mental issue in. Her sister was diagnosed with retardation. All of this and I never got a thank you. We discussed this several times in our counseling session and still to this date she had not thank me or even complamented me on be a good provider.
I went through some off the worst financial struggles in my business during the last 18 months. I need to talk to her about the how hard it was. I kept on trying to have a discussion with her, after two weeks of my trying she finally call me on the cell phone and now she had a few minutes to talk to me.
I could never figure out what she do all day, she don't work and my kids are at school. I understand if she was busy but she has all day to do nothing. I was always a good provider, she never had to worry. I paid off all our houses on her 40th birthday. We own three houses in a very exculsive neighborhood with no payments. One of the house was for her parents, this way she wouldn't need to worry about them. I also paid off all her fathers debt, support her brother through college and took her younger sister with mental issue in. Her sister was diagnosed with retardation. All of this and I never got a thank you. We discussed this several times in our counseling session and still to this date she had not thank me or even complamented me on be a good provider.
Nowwhat, I'm not sure what more to say than what's in my previous posts. I really do wish you the best of luck and keep being your son's #1 cheerleader. You need to do what's best for you, your son and your family. I honestly can't tell you what that is.
You two are not very compatible. And you two are just too close to each other. My suggestion is to spend some time apart. Think of it like being roommates. Go out for a hike. Go swimming. Go out dancing by yourself. Go reading in a library. Meditate. Watch comedies. Basically schedule more time to be on your own.
Quote:
Originally Posted by nowwhatimlost
I have tried to work with her, I tried to compromise. An incident that happen not too long ago would give a better picture of what I dealing with. We went out to eat and the resturant was closed. I offered another place but she wanted to go to a place that I wasn't interested in. So I compromised and spent the next 15 minutes (I'm not exaggerating) naming off resturants after resturants, but she kept on insisting that we go to her resturant. Than she said that I was too rigid and had to learn to compromise. I lost it than, got real mad and we ended fighting the rest of day. A few days later during our marriage counseling all she could talk about was how right her resturant choice was and I was too rigid.
I went through some off the worst financial struggles in my business during the last 18 months. I need to talk to her about the how hard it was. I kept on trying to have a discussion with her, after two weeks of my trying she finally call me on the cell phone and now she had a few minutes to talk to me.
I could never figure out what she do all day, she don't work and my kids are at school. I understand if she was busy but she has all day to do nothing. I was always a good provider, she never had to worry. I paid off all our houses on her 40th birthday. We own three houses in a very exculsive neighborhood with no payments. One of the house was for her parents, this way she wouldn't need to worry about them. I also paid off all her fathers debt, support her brother through college and took her younger sister with mental issue in. Her sister was diagnosed with retardation. All of this and I never got a thank you. We discussed this several times in our counseling session and still to this date she had not thank me or even complamented me on be a good provider.
My sympathies. From your description you, your wife and your son are of high level intellegence. This can be unfortunate since with near genius level IQ's several mental instabilities issues can exist. Putting a label on them such as autism might be interesting in the sense of finding coping strategies but what you all really need is the coping mechanism.
One thing to consider, like was suggested, is a Support group. This is not necessarily for learning strategies for handling your families disabilities. This Support group is for you to build up your own reserves and coping skills. You need a friend or friends that you can blow off the steam of difficult times. BTW this Support group does not need to be formal it could be just a gang of regulars somewhere.
Counseling for really bright people can be ineffective since they see right through it. Some will get relief with it so it is always worth a try. If however, like your wife, they refuse to partake of it then it is best to not push it with the belief that it would provide any solution.
It sounds like you are stuck with several bad choices. When that happens the only advice I have is to simply do what you can day to day. Find a release for the stress such as sports, hobbies, learning that is not personally destructive.
I should start a new thread...if you know you have the genes for a devastating disorder/disease that you would very likely pass on to your offspring would you still choose to have children?
I was dating a guy in college that was absolutely brilliant. He went into graduate school for computer science and the guy gave me the creeps after getting to know him. He came across as having asperger's syndrome. Strange body language and facial expressions, blank stare, glassy eyes, far-away in dream land look, extremely self-absorbed, extreme arrogance, very flippant, and very superficial. When I was around him I had the feeling I was around an automaton or a robot. I made the assumption that he had asperger's and stopped dating him.
This sounds more like Narcissistic Personality Disorder than Asperger's.
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