No, you may NOT pray for me... (grace, America, divorce)
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lying gives comfort to many, and causes destruction.
How would it have been lying?
He wasn't asked if he believed this or that or the other thing. Just, "May I pray for you?" So, unless the scenario was such that it was an obvious pressure play by the wife and/or pastor, allowing someone to pray for you isn't lying.
He wasn't asked if he believed this or that or the other thing. Just, "May I pray for you?" So, unless the scenario was such that it was an obvious pressure play by the wife and/or pastor, allowing someone to pray for you isn't lying.
Because "Yes, I want you to pray over me and try to convert me in my desperate time" would have been lying.
And if a person doesn't speak up in this situation, s/he runs the risk of being part of the narrative that says everyone converts in the end (or in times of distress) in all of the clergy member's future stories.
How often do we see on social media when someone is sick or a family member is, the phrase, "I'll pray for you"?
Don't ever say that to me. It means you want to have a conversation with yourself, and frankly, that does me no good. I don't care if you think some sky fairy is listening, it does nothing, nothing for me. If I am not under medical care, get me some. If I am, do something that will help me or my family, but don't give lip service to whoever you think might be holy.
I was in the hospital for 3.5 months some years ago. My ex was religious, and she brought her pastor in. He asked if he could pray for me... I said, "No". My ex was furious at me, telling me her pastor said he had never been told no, and felt insulted.
Tough. I felt insulted that he would presume I wanted some discussion with in his mind that he thought would help. I'm not a hypocrite, and those that presume they are doing me some good, aren't. They are imagining that their utterances do something; they don't.
So the next time you get an urge to say, "I'll pray for you", don't. Instead, ask what you can do to help that individual or his/her family. If it makes him feel good, he/she will ask you to pray for them. You both can revel in your fantasies, but don't presume.
Do. Not.Pray.For.Me.
Do something useful instead.
I would say, "no thanks" which at least acknowledges that they mean well and that you don't take offense. I don't see a reason to be offended, frankly. Annoyed or bemused, but not offended.
I might also say, "sure, if it makes you feel better, but what would really be helpful is X" -- if you think there is something they can do and would be willing to do for you.
On the other hand it's bothersome to me that this pastor had never heard "no" in his entire career; I'll admit that it illustrates the unearned respect and deference that has automatically gone to parsons since before dirt was invented. It does sound like he over-reacted, and from what you've said in relating this story in the past, your ex wife also over-reacted right out of your life. So if there was any disrespect here, it was more on their side than on yours, I'd say. And far more intended.
He wasn't asked if he believed this or that or the other thing. Just, "May I pray for you?" So, unless the scenario was such that it was an obvious pressure play by the wife and/or pastor, allowing someone to pray for you isn't lying.
Then why didn't they just pray for him? I say the refuah shlema for people all the time, but I don't tell them unless they're religious and I know they would appreciate me using their Hebrew name. It's just more good vibes out into the ether for everyone else. If it's working, it will work without me ever telling the person I am praying for. And they know I care because more importantly, I'm at their door with medically appropriate, palatable, freezable meals.
IMO, there is no need to ask a person if they want you to pray for them at the risk of insulting them. If you feel they need your prayers then do it in silence..without making an announcement.
It's true that asking this could be attention-seeking behavior but it is usually just that many believers take being led in prayer as comforting, and they probably tend to believe that a holy man's prayers are more efficacious.
I think if the intention is to provide comfort and camaraderie to the person who is ill, the Biblical "pray in secret" dictum doesn't really apply.
Ummm .... the only thing the OP did was tell the pastor "no."
It was the wife who "claimed" that the pastor was insulted - but more than likely, she was just embarrassed and wanted to shame her husband.
But all the OP did was tell the pastor "no."
That's it.
So giving him a hard time about "treating the pastor and his wife the way he did" is patently absurd.
Oh, and speaking of misplaced anger, are you -really- angry that the OP supposedly treated everyone poorly by not succumbing to prayers and ritual? Or ... are you just pissed off that a person has the temerity to not believe in Bronze Age mythology in the 21st Century and then had the courage to stand by his convictions?
It is very evident that you have very little knowledge of history and societies .Bronze age indeed .
But unlike the other christians here I would never pray for someone who is an avowed atheist,and certainly not even for those who are less so ,because first it is intrusive,and second it does no good at all,
as prayers for people you do not love,and have no investment in do not 'connect'.
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