Trying not to feel insulted... (atheist, bible, faith, evolution)
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There are people who appear to have it all, without apparent merit. At least to some of those who lack a substantial portion of "all".
Tough female mammary glands.
That's life and death and the whole darn thing. Some folks luck out, some don't. Some work hard and get rewarded. Some don't. Some coast and win a free ride. Others buy every lottery ticket out there and win diddly.
Our purpose - at least one of them - is to make the best of the cards we're dealt.
I've played thousand of games of cribbage and won more than a few with poorer hands than my opponent. I see poker players out there nodding.
It's not always about what you lack. It's about maximizing what you have.
Wow! My reading comprehension must be at a real low this AM.
What I get from the OP is the question that, if cousin is crediting god with her good fortune in a boyfriend, does that mean LowOnLuck has struck out (up until now maybe) because god isn't looking favorably on her?
You know, like "What am I, chopped liver?"
(You might to be a bit aged or Jewish to get that one)
Wow! My reading comprehension must be at a real low this AM.
What I get from the OP is the question that, if cousin is crediting god with her good fortune in a boyfriend, does that mean LowOnLuck has struck out (up until now maybe) because god isn't looking favorably on her?
You know, like "What am I, chopped liver?"
(You might to be a bit aged or Jewish to get that one)
Exactly. Like she is saying she is special and deserving of being lucky in relationships, and god (not that I believe) meant for me to have to go through one relationship struggle after the next.
Exactly. Like she is saying she is special and deserving of being lucky in relationships, and god (not that I believe) meant for me to have to go through one relationship struggle after the next.
Well, not exactly, since I very much doubt she had you ( or anyone else in particular) in mind when she posted it.
In a current thread here, there is mention of situations of mass tragedies where those that survive thank god for it but don't stop to think what the implication is for those that didn't.
You have ever reason to object on a general basis for crap like that but it's foolish to take it personally.
Last edited by old_cold; 06-19-2015 at 05:04 AM..
Reason: corrected a word
So my cousin posts on facebook that one year from today she will marry her best friend, and how lucky for her that this was gods plan for her.
So was it his plan for me to have one man die, one abuse me, one cheat on me, to leave me a single parent of two kids?
Really? Why do people say sucky things?
I will say the first thing that comes into my mind without hesitation at times...and I don't care if it offends people or not, because I have no interest in my life being a living hell. Having a sense of tact feels like mosquitoes buzzing around my ears perpetually and I hate that...so I will ignore it. I will usually pay attention to the big, obvious things though. No telling a recent widow that her husband was an arse and such.
I took care of my dad when he had spinal cancer. At that time...I don't think it mattered what people said nearly so much as that people tried to be around him and show him they loved him. Sometimes he got tired though.
I have difficulty believing those words on Facebook actually hurt you. I think it's more likely you want others to know your pain...and maybe that's okay. Maybe not. I don't know. Maybe what you really want is for others to empathize so you won't feel alone in your pain. Maybe you don't particularly care about the comment itself...you just want other people to care about what you went through. That's what I think is more likely, although I'm no psychologist. I see no reason why anyone would be hurt by a facebook post though. I think you're hurt by what happened to you...not the silly post.
When people shout for attention...like you've more or less done, it seems like they'd want/maybe need more attention. Not less. You've gotten some more attention now, and hopefully you don't get too much negative feedback for that.
Best of luck to you.
In the interest of: empathy...F@#k the bi$c%y cu%t of a facebook poster you mentioned in your thread. I hope she falls off a cliff and is slowly devoured by a komodo dragon. Your feelings are genuinely important and I hope you believe that.
In reality...it's a facebook post and nobody cares and you probably shouldn't either.
I have difficulty believing those words on Facebook actually hurt you. I think it's more likely you want others to know your pain...and I think that's okay. Maybe what you really want is for others to empathize so you won't feel alone in your pain. Maybe you don't particularly care about the comment itself...you just want other people to care about what you went through. That's what I think is more likely, although I'm no psychologist. I see no reason why anyone would be hurt by a facebook post though. I think you're hurt by what happened to you...not the silly post.
As someone who has frequently been in LowOnLuck's shoes, this is my take on things:
I think you're right about wanting people to know - and more importantly, to understand - the pain some people go through. Unfortunately, more times than not, people interpret it as sour grapes (as mordant said) or someone with a "woe is me" attitude.
What makes it so irritatingly difficult for people like the OP and myself is that we live in a weird culture that demands everyone be happy while simultaneously making life increasingly difficult. You wonder why there are so many mass shootings, well, I think it's because of how we have to plaster a big, fake smile on our faces every day and live that Thoreau-esque life of quiet desperation. Maybe if you're lucky, you have a good friend you can really talk to, but for many, they have to bottle up their pain and misery until it overwhelms them. That usually leads to depression and depression leads to more misery until it becomes a self-generating spiral of degeneration.
Not complaining, of course, is considered a virtue. Even under the harshest conditions, you're supposed to suck it up and pretend like everything is hunky dory. I think it's interesting that the OP had this issue on Facebook because studies have been done showing how active participation on FB actually causes depression. Someone called it "Fakebook" whereas I call it "Bragbook" ... and both names are equally accurate. The depression stems from sitting there reading, day after day, the accomplishments of friends and acquaintances -- things you probably wouldn't have heard about before FB existed. Now, though, even the tiniest joys of others are dutifully polished up and presented to the world. If your life isn't all that great, reading about everyone else's happiness can make one feel alone. I mean really, really alone. It can also make you feel persecuted somehow -- even if you don't believe in God.
I know, even for myself, I'd be up at 3am and in agony because that night the meds weren't working for whatever reason. I used to go to FB but I quit doing that because no one is really interested in hearing me gripe about how much I hurt -- and I'm never going to have happy-happy joy-joy vacations, job promotions, financial windfalls, children to dote on and whom I can chronicle their every breath, and I'm not be-bopping to some exotic place this summer where I can use up half the available bandwidth uploading dozens of awesome photos. No, I'll just be sitting in a room, alone, and hurting like a son of a female dog. Yeah, that can really crawl under your skin after a time, sitting there reading everyone else's happiness and seeing everyone else's photos while you remain miserable day after day.
It really makes you wonder: What the hell did I ever do to deserve this? Where's my piece of the pie?
Thus when someone starts yammering about how "God has a plan" for their oh so happy lives, that makes dealing with the depression many orders of magnitude more difficult. Why? Well, it's one thing if someone says that they're simply being rewarded for genuine hard work. Sometimes it's even okay if a person admits they were just super-lucky.
But when people start bloviating about how "God chose them" and how grand it is -- when they start having diarrhea of the mouth about how God gave them a great job, God gave them a soulmate, God made them so happy, and yada-blah-yappity, then yeah, it's easy to feel resentful. If they were chosen by God to be happy, does that mean God chose you to be miserable? Now you're no longer talking about dumb luck but rather a supposedly benign intelligence making conscious and deliberate decisions -- often unfair decisions -- about how your own life is going to play out. You, apparently, have been put here on this earth to suffer, watching others frolick in a sun-dappled flowery meadow while you get to wallow in a garbage pit.
But ... because of our weird culture that makes it extremely difficult to find support and meaningful connections with others (gotta maintain that smile at all times, dontchya know), we usually lose sight of the fact that those giggly, happy, in-love or seemingly joyous people have their own grab bag of problems, too. They're just concealing them from you. Because everyone wants to be the person others envy, not the person others pity.
BUT .... (there are more "buts" in this scenario than there are at a fat farm, if ya know what I mean) ...
But, there ARE people out there who are statistical outliers when it comes to good and bad luck. Think of any typical bell curve. Most people will fall somewhere in the middle -- but a rare few will fall in the exceptionally lucky or the exceptionally unlucky areas on the curve. Just like some people are exceptionally intelligent while others are barely sentient.
Yeah, those people really do exist and quite often these are the people who consider themselves either blessed or cursed.
I know this only too well because I'm convinced I fall into the "cursed" category. Not only is it a lonely place to be, it's also an exhausting way to live knowing your life allows no margin for error. Even apparent successes often come back around to bite you square in the ass. For instance, most people would consider getting accepted to grad school and earning a masters degree a success -- and it is. BUT, it becomes a failure if you're like me who gets struck down with a debilitating and incurable medical condition the same month you graduate which means your diploma becomes a useless piece of paper on the wall AND you're tens of thousands in debt AND the government doctors who examine you for a disability claim tell you openly that having a masters degree will make it more difficult for your claim to be accepted.
So yeah ... that's how apparent successes can still end up as epic fails just a little way down the road.
The perfect storm, however, is when a "cursed" person knows a "blessed" person. Yeah. That's when the fireworks explode. What's worse for the cursed person is that no one really believes your luck is actually that bad even when they see it happening with their own eyes. This is a very real problem for exceptionally unlucky people because we need a lot of help getting through life yet few are willing to give it because the constant fails are perceived to be caused by laziness, lack of assertiveness, or making stupid decisions. But it HAS to be your fault somehow and even if they can't really find the smoking gun that incriminates you, people will still insist that you zigged when you should have zagged SOMEwhere in the chain of events, so yeah ... good luck with that.
Thus I can empathize quite a bit with the OP.
And yeah, this thread should have been put in the relationship section -- or psychology or something. I don't think the problem here is religion nor is it really the central focus of the topic.
I don't think the cousin insinuated anything even close to what you have stated.
I think the original poster chose to interpret the cousin's words that way.
Besides that you never know there may have been a special snowflake breakfast served to the cousin by the big sugar daddy in the sky (which by the way is about the silliest thing I have read in a long time).
If you are brave enough to insult God by referring to him as a sugar daddy at least be brave enough to refer to him properly, you know, as God.
I have to agree here. I understand the Op's plight. I can be rather bitter as well. But, OP, you have a good SO whom you're crazy about. So while still be bitter? If this relationship hasn't caved yet, then you have a decent man now, who's in your life and apparently close with your kids. So, it makes the whining about being offended seem even more petty when you have a perfectly decent man in your life now as well.
Far as your luck. Be thankful for what you have, and how things didn't get worse.
1.. You were with an abuser.
Be thankful you aren't still with him, and he didn't kill you, or severely harm you. Like my cousin, who's a policeman stating a man was arrested for literally beating his wife's brains out. She died in the hospital, but even if she'd lived, she'd be a vegetable. Your luck wasn't low there. You're still alive and functioning.
2. You were with a cheater
Be thankful you found out about his antics, and got out of the relationship before he gave something to you that you can't get rid of. Unlike some partners who cheat, then bring a little gift home for their SO to get.
3. You had a husband die. That is horrible. But apparently, he was still a decent man, and you at least have the time you spent together, and now the fond memories of a loving relationship. Some people never have that, and die having never been loved by someone else.
4. You hate the single parenthood, But I am sure you love your children. Be thankful they were born healthy. least I am hoping they were. if so, then great. They weren't stillborn, retarded, born with 2 heads, or a case of always needed someone to watch after them, even into adulthood.
5. And if your financial situation is so good, with you having multiple houses and cars, your luck doesn't seem too low there.
So I really don't think your cousin had you in mind when she made that comment, and I think you blew it out of proportion to a narcissistic level, where you think a minor comment about someone being happy has to do with you personally, and that said person is happy your life "sucks." Now, had your cousin specifically posted "I am thankful that loser cousin of mine is a screw up" or something outright, specifically targeting you, then offense would be understandable. But right now, it seems you're looking for reasons to be unhappy so people can feel bad for poor you. Or a case of "I am not happy, so nobody deserves to be, otherwise they're just spitting on me."
Again, I totally understand bitter feelings. But that's how I know they aren't good. It doesn't help anything. It makes you feel worse the longer you feel it. I hate that my brother seems to be able to get women with no problem, and has had 2 serious relationships in this small town. meanwhile, I struggle with dating, and the guys I like not reciprocating, and all the slobs liking me. Meanwhile he's living happily with a woman he cheated on his fiance with. I am definitely not happy with that. But, nothing I can do. And my dating issues are not his fault...least for the most part.
Now something I did get very offended at, was him saying that I "don't need to meet anyone." Now that came off as very selfish. My grandmother, whom I am close to said he was talking nonsense when he said that, that he has someone, but expects his sister to never have anyone. THAT came off as very selfish. Or how he never even wants to hear me say a guy is cute. Stuff like that, yes I could see offense with. So if your cousin said something like that, then yeah, she'd be a *****.
Last edited by HappyRain; 06-19-2015 at 06:50 AM..
There are approximately 3 billion people in the world yet Only Christians are Important to God.
YEAH, RIGHT.
I had a Christian friend suddenly reach over and pray for me.
Not only was it totally off topic and distracting, I simply could not get the idea out of my mind that she felt God was online shopping. Put your order in, it will appear.
Bizarre.
Actually, the world population per the date of this posting is estimated to be somewhat over 7 billion (around 7.2 billiion).
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