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As I read more and more similar sentiments to the one above on this thread, the more I realize that at our age there may be many more introverts and people who prefer to be alone and/or be mostly with their spouse or family than people who want to go out and meet others and make new close friends.
Since we have been in this city 8 yrs. and have not found very many like-minded types, we continue to search for new friends. Thinking it through, when I eliminate people who are: not close to our age group; involved in a far wing of any political party or religion; either much richer or much poorer; and then what seems to be many, many people who simply do not want to make the effort to make new friends or give anyone new a chance to even start a conversation, I'm beginnning to think that a 55+ community may be the ONLY place where we will possibly find those who would like to build new relationships. I have researched these communities ad infinitum--I know their limitations and problems--but now I'm starting to reconsider...
Most of my small circle of friends are still working and plan to do so for several more years. Then on weekends they have to catch up with housework, shopping, and their own families. My sister in Maryland (works PT) and her retired husband spent the holidays alone as their kids are scattered wide; she bitterly resents this after all she's done for them, etc. So there's some degree of loneliness no matter what.
I know that 55+communities offer a lot of social interaction, but from trying out different churches with predominantly older folks as members, and other experience, I find that older folks are set in their ways (generally not up for trying new things), extremely judgmental, prefer to go to casinos more than anything else, and stick like glue to their spouses whether they like them or not. Wanting to still feel young (even though I don't look it), and even though I try to reach out to people my age, I tend to get depressed around them (i.e., is this what I'm going to end up like? ).
So spend some time around the 55+ communities before you buy in. The ones in the Southwest and West Coast are probably those who don't have old-minded individuals (??) You will probably get a much different feel in each one, and that could depend on the kinds of activities offered.
I am a very sociable person. I crave the company of other people. Even though I almost never drink I will sometimes head to a local bar and have a Coke just to be around other people.
You see I am a single guy. Always been single. "Always the bridesmaid but never the bride." I do get lonely. I have joined several different social clubs for 50+ people; I go at least twice a week.
As I read more and more similar sentiments to the one above on this thread, the more I realize that at our age there may be many more introverts and people who prefer to be alone and/or be mostly with their spouse or family than people who want to go out and meet others and make new close friends.
Since we have been in this city 8 yrs. and have not found very many like-minded types, we continue to search for new friends. Thinking it through, when I eliminate people who are: not close to our age group; involved in a far wing of any political party or religion; either much richer or much poorer; and then what seems to be many, many people who simply do not want to make the effort to make new friends or give anyone new a chance to even start a conversation, I'm beginnning to think that a 55+ community may be the ONLY place where we will possibly find those who would like to build new relationships. I have researched these communities ad infinitum--I know their limitations and problems--but now I'm starting to reconsider...
What I find ironic about me is that when I was young I was a HUGE extrovert. I was constantly on the go, had tons of friends and always something going on. I never, in my wildest dreams, thought I would be happy being on my own with few friends and not all that many activities. So it has been quite surprising to me that I now fit the "introvert" type of person. I don't mind it at all though. I decided, a long time ago, that I must not have liked myself very much because I definitely didn't like spending time alone. The older I got, the more I LIKED me and I think that has played a big role in the way I am today. I'll never regret the change.
Also, for a long time I really DID try to find new friends. Tried the Senior Center, tried joining different groups, tried making friends at work...although in most jobs they were all very much younger than me...and finally decided that the people I was meeting were not interested in making more friends and had all they needed. The people at the Senior Center were more my age but they acted waaay older than me and the women acted like I was there to attract men, which I wasn't. So I ended up with a lot of acquaintances but no friends. I finally just quit trying and decided to be happy with things as they are. And I am. It doesn't make me anti-social, and I'm not so sure I'm really an 'introvert' either. None of the people I work with would refer to me as such and neither would my family but maybe....
I once knew an individual whose age and gender shall remain unmentioned who seemed to have a great aversion to and fear of being alone. In this case, I thought it was an aversion to and fear of being face to face with nothingness.
So I ended up with a lot of acquaintances but no friends. I finally just quit trying and decided to be happy with things as they are. And I am. It doesn't make me anti-social, and I'm not so sure I'm really an 'introvert' either. None of the people I work with would refer to me as such and neither would my family but maybe....
Sounds like me with a minor difference. Lots of acquaintances as well, just a friend or two and they're distant. Like you, I'm fine with that. As I've said somewhere before, I'm a gregarious anti-social. I can engage with anyone on a short-term, surface level, enjoy it and see to it that they do too, but I very rarely allow anyone to get close to me, nor do I really get close to them. Closeness just doesn't mesh with my comfort level.
Perhaps that means there's something lacking within me but if so, it's been there a long, long time and I doubt that will change between now and the time I assume room temperature. So be it!
I find it interesting that in these days of popular evangical religions and "family values," that people in general show so little interest in others. I know a lovely woman in my neighborhood, who has been very kind to me, but she refuses to walk across her street to meet a new neighbor. My own near neighbors barely speak--and some don't at all--in 7 years!
Why are people so withdrawn when it comes to "new" people. We've been to numerous churches, classes, etc. where people are barely civil. Doesn't anyone care about others anymore? Are people suspicious and/or afraid of someone new? Or are people hurt from some long ago or childhood situation that has made them back away from others? Or are they very self-centered and not interested in bothering themselves with another human being's worries and concerns? Is it, "I'm retired now," or "I'm old, so I don't have to make that effort anymore." What happened to "Love Thy Neighbor?" (I'm not particularly religious, but some of this stuff makes sense.)
And I'm speaking of "neighbors" in the general sense of people in the community. What's wrong with being pleasant to the checker at the store or a waitress, or holding the door in a store for a mom with a couple little kids and giving her a smile? These things take so little time or effort, yet I seldom see it happen. And my city is more polite than most.
Funny, pertaining to below:
A classmate of mine on FB stated that she called a tow truck for her car yesterday and had to ride with the driver to the repair shop. She said she had a little trouble getting up into the high cab, but the driver simply climbed in on his side and let her strain to get up into the passenger seat of the tow truck. Then, she went on to say that she spoke to him, but he never spoke back......would just glance over at her while she was talking. I told her, "welcome to this day-and-age of customer service/friendliness".
IMO, I think "crime" has contributed quite a bit to how people are today. Sometimes people in Wal Mart or anywhere else can get shocked when wife and I speak to them. I'll see someone with a bag of dogfood and I'll ask "what kind of dog do you have?".
For numerous reasons, many people (young and old) simply don't want to associate with others. There are employees that will say (to themselves), "just leave me alone and let me do my job!". They will attend an in-company party, but will go "Humbug" to any outside company functions. To me, there sure are a lot of Scrooge's out there!
Quote:
Originally Posted by staywarm2
No Responsibility for "New" People
I find it interesting that in these days of popular evangical religions and "family values," that people in general show so little interest in others. I know a lovely woman in my neighborhood, who has been very kind to me, but she refuses to walk across her street to meet a new neighbor. My own near neighbors barely speak--and some don't at all--in 7 years!
Why are people so withdrawn when it comes to "new" people. We've been to numerous churches, classes, etc. where people are barely civil. Doesn't anyone care about others anymore? Are people suspicious and/or afraid of someone new? Or are people hurt from some long ago or childhood situation that has made them back away from others? Or are they very self-centered and not interested in bothering themselves with another human being's worries and concerns? Is it, "I'm retired now," or "I'm old, so I don't have to make that effort anymore." What happened to "Love Thy Neighbor?" (I'm not particularly religious, but some of this stuff makes sense.)
And I'm speaking of "neighbors" in the general sense of people in the community. What's wrong with being pleasant to the checker at the store or a waitress, or holding the door in a store for a mom with a couple little kids and giving her a smile? These things take so little time or effort, yet I seldom see it happen. And my city is more polite than most.
I'm cautious about getting to know people who live close to me because of experiences I had in my youth, living in a rural area where people would drop in without calling first.
I've begun a new friendship with a woman who lives in the same building where I live now, but she's on another floor, near another stairway and elevator, so we rarely see each other by accident. We always email or phone to set up a meeting, and that's fine with me.
We met when everyone had to evacuate the building during what turned out to be a false fire alarm. While standing around waiting for the fire department to give us the go-ahead to go back in, we began chatting and learned we had similar interests.
Sounds like me with a minor difference. Lots of acquaintances as well, just a friend or two and they're distant. Like you, I'm fine with that. As I've said somewhere before, I'm a gregarious anti-social. I can engage with anyone on a short-term, surface level, enjoy it and see to it that they do too, but I very rarely allow anyone to get close to me, nor do I really get close to them. Closeness just doesn't mesh with my comfort level.
Perhaps that means there's something lacking within me but if so, it's been there a long, long time and I doubt that will change between now and the time I assume room temperature. So be it!
I think you and I are twins separated at birth. lol That's exactly how I am anymore and I don't really WANT it to change.
Funny, pertaining to below:
A classmate of mine on FB stated that she called a tow truck for her car yesterday and had to ride with the driver to the repair shop. She said she had a little trouble getting up into the high cab, but the driver simply climbed in on his side and let her strain to get up into the passenger seat of the tow truck. Then, she went on to say that she spoke to him, but he never spoke back......would just glance over at her while she was talking. I told her, "welcome to this day-and-age of customer service/friendliness".
IMO, I think "crime" has contributed quite a bit to how people are today. Sometimes people in Wal Mart or anywhere else can get shocked when wife and I speak to them. I'll see someone with a bag of dogfood and I'll ask "what kind of dog do you have?".
For numerous reasons, many people (young and old) simply don't want to associate with others. There are employees that will say (to themselves), "just leave me alone and let me do my job!". They will attend an in-company party, but will go "Humbug" to any outside company functions. To me, there sure are a lot of Scrooge's out there!
I kind of had to laugh at that bolded part because one of the biggest complaints I hear at work...Walmart...is how people block the aisles because they are having a 'gabfest' with another shopper! lol I see people interacting with others all the time and nobody seems 'shocked'. Also, I see a lot of politeness exhibited such as somebody with a large basket full will let someone with only a couple of items go ahead of them. This isn't at all unusual.
I talk to ALL my customers but there ARE some who don't talk back and once I realize this I just get on with business and don't engage them much. Sometimes they seem to just be having a bad day, or don't feel well or maybe they are just not inclined to talk to the 'hired help'. Those types are very rare though. Doesn't matter to me. I'm as nice to them as I am to everyone else.
I think the people in my town are very friendly but, again, I don't think they go out of their way to actually make friends of the people they are nice to out in public. Oh yeah, and I have yet to attend a company party. Not even the Christmas party. Not because I'm a Scrooge. I just don't like large crowds much. Nobody treats me any differently because of that.
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