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Should I end up alone, (as I might since DH is 5 yrs older) I think I will get a 2 bdrm apartment in a nice resort area and I have a few friends who will do the same in other areas. Our plan is to be visiting back and forth between the apts as we feel the urge. Of course these are folks I have known most of my adult life and we are pretty comfortable saying things to each other like "So how much longer you planning to stay?" when we start to wear out our welcome. This way it would be like having a vacation home, but cheaper and we all can still retain our privacy part-time, and have companionship part-time. It's sort of a fantasy and probably will never work out.
I'd love to move to a resort community with an indoor pool right now.
The visiting sounds grand. The only problem is all that traveling. I used to drive 12-14 hours straight. I no longer like driving or even riding more than an hour or two at one time. I sleep best in my own bed.
The older I get the less I like to travel. I see that in my friends as well. I don't see that changing.
The older I get, the more I realize that I am not good roommate material, unless I have a wing of an estate to myself, lololol. And who has an estate?
I would be fine running a B&B, b/c people come and go . . . you are not in a "relationship" with any of them. They are paying guests.
I think a lot of folks want some companionship and that is the part that would grate on me. I just don't want to have to work at relationships unless it is with a spouse or adult child.
The one time I had a roommate, we both kept to ourselves and had our own spaces. We did do housework and gardening together but because it was more or less a "mother-daughter" relationship, it worked out well -- I had known my "host" my entire life -- I was more like an adult child to her than a friend so there were clearly outlined roles (her house -- I fit into her established routines). She went to bed early so that meant I retired to my room and was quiet. Since this was a temporary arrangement, that worked fine for me but if it were longterm, I don't think I would be okay with having to live my life based on someone else's routines and activities.
When you put several older adults into one house with each having different routines -- there has to be a lot of compromise going on for it to work (I would think).
I am like Anifani above in that I would not make very good "roommate" material. I have lived alone for too long now; I am used to the luxury of doing things my own way and I would not be a happy camper if I had to give up that luxury. I had roommates for a number of years during college and graduate school, in dorms and also in shared apartments. That was O.K. because I just accepted those situations as a sort of norm at the time.
Short-term house guests are fine - a week or less. Likewise I am fine as a guest in other people's homes, but I also prefer short-term in that case - a week or less.
I, on the other hand, am a terrific roommate. My current roomie and I have been together for going on forty years. He mows the lawn, I do the flower and vegetable gardens. I cook dinner, he does dishes. He gets the oil changed in our shared vehicles. I read a book. Works for us.
The first two decades were the hardest. But I believe a lot of that was due to our other roommates. They were terribly messy and the noise. Oh, good grief. Up and down at all hours of the day and night. Coming and going. Borrowing our stuff.
They have all moved out and found other roommates and that seems to be going well for them.
The older I get the less I like to travel. I see that in my friends as well. I don't see that changing.
I think many folks see themselves in retirement as they are now... mostly healthy, able to get anywhere, do pretty much anything. The reality of it though is health issues and other obstacles will change retirement for many of us.
Even though my wife and I are 7 years away from retirement, we're looking into the co-housing concept with a large group of friends of ours as the alternative to aging in place (which probably works until you're not able to get around easily or your spouse dies leaving you alone in a house which is probably bigger than you needed for the last 20 years) or moving to a traditional 55+ type community.
I realize some folks are 'people' persons and others are not and that's cool but the older I get the more I long to be around friends or maybe just people in general. The thought of living alone scares the hell out of me and if my wife should die before me, I surely want a group of friends to be with as I age.
The 'golden girls' concept on a somewhat larger, more private scale would work for me.
I think many folks see themselves in retirement as they are now... mostly healthy, able to get anywhere, do pretty much anything. The reality of it though is health issues and other obstacles will change retirement for many of us.
Even though my wife and I are 7 years away from retirement, we're looking into the co-housing concept with a large group of friends of ours as the alternative to aging in place (which probably works until you're not able to get around easily or your spouse dies leaving you alone in a house which is probably bigger than you needed for the last 20 years) or moving to a traditional 55+ type community.
I realize some folks are 'people' persons and others are not and that's cool but the older I get the more I long to be around friends or maybe just people in general. The thought of living alone scares the hell out of me and if my wife should die before me, I surely want a group of friends to be with as I age.
The 'golden girls' concept on a somewhat larger, more private scale would work for me.
A group of guys from the Rotary in Duluth, MN bought some land by the St. Louis River and built townhomes (MBRs downstairs) in five buildings to retire to. They hire folks to do the snowblowing, and make repairs and so forth, but otherwise manage the place themselves.
It has worked out wonderfully well.
One of the wives mentioned that it has been a real social boon for the men. In retirement, women volunteer, get together with their friends, fuss about with the kids and grandkids. While men may get together with their buddies for coffee once a week or perhaps volunteer a bit, for the most part they lose a lot of social connections when they retire. This has helped them keep those connections.
I think this is a great idea! My friends and I have discussed a number of times and I think it would be very workable given the right mix of people (who don't have to be all female).
I think many folks see themselves in retirement as they are now... mostly healthy, able to get anywhere, do pretty much anything. The reality of it though is health issues and other obstacles will change retirement for many of us.
Even though my wife and I are 7 years away from retirement, we're looking into the co-housing concept with a large group of friends of ours as the alternative to aging in place (which probably works until you're not able to get around easily or your spouse dies leaving you alone in a house which is probably bigger than you needed for the last 20 years) or moving to a traditional 55+ type community.
I realize some folks are 'people' persons and others are not and that's cool but the older I get the more I long to be around friends or maybe just people in general. The thought of living alone scares the hell out of me and if my wife should die before me, I surely want a group of friends to be with as I age.
The 'golden girls' concept on a somewhat larger, more private scale would work for me.
I think there are a lot of variables here.
First is age. I don't know what other peoples' experiences are. But my husband's and my parents lived together as "tight couples" until my MIL died at age 79 and my mother died at age 84. And both of our mothers were smokers and therefore not especially healthy. I am not sure what "7 years away from retirement" is - but assuming traditional retirement age 65 - that would put you at 58. So I think you're very premature in terms of your planning (I'm 66 and my husband is 69 - and we have siblings/cousins who are older than us who are still doing well as couples). In case you haven't heard - many people live longer healthier lives today!
The second is how much particular people like to conform their behavior to that of other people. When I listen to you - I hear a younger person - not an older one. I know the older I get - the more set I get in my ways. I want my kitchen "just so" - and don't care to share it with even 1 other person (except my husband - he takes direction ). Perhaps issues like this aren't as important to guys - as most tend to be slobs IMO. OTOH - my husband isn't a classic "guy's guy". He'd rather read classical literature than watch football games. So he would have a tough time finding appropriate "roommates".
The third issue is that living with people who aren't spouses isn't an alternative to aging in place once you're infirm. Unless you think that once you're 80 and have problems - that "friends" your age will have both the physical ability and the desire to take care of you. I wouldn't bet on it. I've taken take of parents/inlaws. Would obviously take care of my husband. And perhaps siblings/their spouses if absolutely needed. Anyone else - forget about it. You do notice that in the Golden Girls - all of the characters were "hale and hearty". None had dementia or other debilitating age related conditions.
I don't know why being alone should frighten you so much except perhaps in "I can't do it myself so I need someone to help me" situations. Why does it? Robyn
Hi Robyn... I am one of those people persons who thrive's on social interaction. I don't ever want to see myself in a situation where I could not easily be among people even if I were in a wheel chair. I look at this co-housing type arrangement as providing me the ability to be near people. And being a musician and wanting to play along with others until I possibly can't anymore... living in our current home even if it were age friendly would not be an option. Interaction in whatever shape it takes is vital. Thanks for asking.
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