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Just want to say thanks for all the comments. The couple of comments about a parent driving around aimlessly and getting lost was the story with my father (we eventually found out he had dementia...that was a tough year and a half until he passed but he certainly got all the care he needed, which I am thankful for).
I limited the scope of my original post but I certainly trust my wife and her sisters on their assessment. The biker thing was just the catalyst that got the ball rolling. He's been driving up on curbs for a little bit now, having numerous close calls due to his bad reaction time, and the like. And I don't think it's a good thing to be stopping 10-15 feet from a limit line (it really doesn't matter if it's the person's fault who rear ends him...he's still going to get hurt). And runswithscissors is absolutely right on his comment and the manslaughter charge. Bicyclists are a "protected group" in SF. If you hit someone with a bike, you better hope that someone witnesses, and hopefully, has a videotape of the incident because that's a "guilty until proven innocent" deal here. If you don't have the skills to be a "defensive" driver, I think you've got a problem (and he appears to have lost those skills). I think to myself that if a kid ran out in the middle of the street 100 feet away, the average driver could slam on brakes and miss him. There's no way anyone could convince me, based on my observations, that my Father-in-law wouldn't take the kid out.
I am intrigued by the reporting of an unsafe driver to the DMV suggestion. After what just happened with the bicyclist, (he made Dad wait with him for an hour and a half because he called the police and claimed he was a victim of hit-and-run), he would never suspect that it was his daughters that reported him (clearly he would think it's the bicyclist). The problem is, the same thing could happen to us as borninsac (he passes the test), and then where are you? It's a bit of a gamble but I presented it to my wife after reading it and I'll let her and her sisters make the decision on it.
WHOA.
So what happened when the police showed up? What did they say or do? Was there an accident report? It may not be OVER yet.
The bicyclist has to be REALLY REALLY obviously in the wrong to be "wrong". Like wearing all black on a dark street at night with no light on the bike.
It's not just SF being bicyclist friendly. I know a 50 year old father of 5 in NC this happened to. I think he was just not paying attention turning off his subdivision street going to the gym. More likely he RAN the stop sign or there wasn't one. He got a manslaughter charge.
This problem of bicyclists getting hit by cars is rampant.
...But, Robyn shouldn't you have been proactive, about your dad being an unsafe driver, when you rode with him when he as 87 and "almost killed" you twice within five mile distance?
Like do what? FWIW - my brothers and I have divided our responsibilities when it comes to my father. And it has been theirs to get him to stop driving. Which makes sense - since they don't live here - and don't have to deal with things on a day to day basis. But they weren't successful - until now.
Also note that I know my father's primary care doc (he's my husband's primary care doc too). And - although he is an excellent doctor in most respects - he is worthless when it comes to these things (says that getting involved in "taking the keys away" would destroy his relationship with his patients).
I kind of scratch my head when people mention things like "taking the car". That's larceny here in Florida. Robyn
I kind of scratch my head when people mention things like "taking the car". That's larceny here in Florida. Robyn
On this forum it seems there are a lot of people who feel what they decide is correct and they can infringe on the rights of their relatives. If a relative seems to have a problem driving, maybe the first step is to make sure they get a medical evaluation. The problem might be something as simple as an out of date eyeglass prescription.
Like do what? FWIW - my brothers and I have divided our responsibilities when it comes to my father. And it has been theirs to get him to stop driving. Which makes sense - since they don't live here - and don't have to deal with things on a day to day basis. But they weren't successful - until now.
Also note that I know my father's primary care doc (he's my husband's primary care doc too). And - although he is an excellent doctor in most respects - he is worthless when it comes to these things (says that getting involved in "taking the keys away" would destroy his relationship with his patients).
Robyn
Obviously, I do not know your situation but, if the doctor refused to do anything, often the best thing to do was to notify the police and notify the DMV that you observed an unsafe driver. And, if said that unsafe driver later wouldn't you call them again?
If you saw a neighbor, or a stranger, going through stop signs in your area or driving erratically wouldn't you call the police? If you saw this happening again and again wouldn't you call the police again or even the DMV?
I remember a situation in my neighborhood where there was drunk driver who ended up parking on our cul du sac. While I did not see him drive I happened to talk to the police (as I was curious about all of the commotion outside). They said that the man had only driven about a half a mile and they had something like four different people/drivers call 911 about him. While I do not know what happened on his drive, I saw him taken away in handcuffs in a police car.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Robyn55
I kind of scratch my head when people mention things like "taking the car". That's larceny here in Florida. Robyn
Sometimes, "taking the car away" means disabling it by taking out spark plugs or something, or moving it to the next block so grandpa does not see it so he can't drive it, or taking it to the shop to be repaired and the repairs take so long that Dad gets used to his children and grandchildren driving him places and turning those drives into fun adventures, or catching Mom on a good day when she admits that she is an unsafe driver & quickly selling the car or the favorite grandchild asking to borrow it for two weeks to go on a trip and he has excuse after excuse why he still needs the car.
"Taking the car" can mean so many different things depending if the unsafe driver has Alzheimer's, Dementia, vision or physical problems or just does not accept that they are an unsafe driver.
I know a wife who "took the car" by putting a padlock on their garage door and "losing" the key. Since she did not drive she just made sure that she arranged for rides everywhere they needed to go. Her husband was nearly blind and after a few months of getting rides everywhere he very willingly agreed to sell the car (after she expectantly "found" the padlock key).
I know someone else who kept letting the air out of a tire, or tires, on her father's car. He was alert enough to realize that he shouldn't drive like that but not alert enough to call AAA and not strong enough to replace the tire/tires himself (nor alert enough to realize what she was doing). And, he was delighted that his daughter drove him wherever he wanted to go (as he really enjoyed her company). She was very smart and made every outing with her fun, often taking him to visit old friends who lived in a nearby town and things like that, which he rarely did when he was driving by himself. He quickly decided to sell his car because of "all of those problems with the tires".
So while "taking the car" can mean literally taking the car often it is a euphemism that means just preventing or delaying driving a few times or for a few weeks or few months until the elderly person gets out of the habit of driving. When you are dealing with a situation where an unsafe driver could easily kill themselves or kill other people or both, sometimes you need to be proactive and creative. Will these things help in every situation? Nope, but just sitting on your hands & ignoring the situation hoping that your friend or relative doesn't have a serious car accident and die, often is not a good choice, either.
Last edited by germaine2626; 04-09-2016 at 07:45 AM..
At some point in our parents lives, it becomes necessary to explain to them that we sometimes have to do things for their own good. Just like they did with us when we were children. You just have to have the guts/strength of conviction to stand up to them and explain that they are a danger to the population at large. If you have to call the cops and report them while they are driving, then that's what you have to do. If you are caring for an elderly person, you wouldn't let them fool around with loaded guns, and a car is a deadly weapon the same thing as a loaded gun. If I had to, I would've disabled the car. Fortunately that was unnecessary with our parents. We just told them that their driving was so poor that if they would give up driving, we would see to it that they had the transportation they needed. MIL even volunteered to give up the keys when she got lost on the freeway only 3 miles from home.
The bicyclist has to be REALLY REALLY obviously in the wrong to be "wrong". Like wearing all black on a dark street at night with no light on the bike.
It's not just SF being bicyclist friendly. I know a 50 year old father of 5 in NC this happened to. I think he was just not paying attention turning off his subdivision street going to the gym. More likely he RAN the stop sign or there wasn't one. He got a manslaughter charge.
This problem of bicyclists getting hit by cars is rampant.
The police never showed up and the bicyclist said he had to go so he wasn't going to worried about it but told my father-in-law that he should be more careful. We had him go to his insurance agent just in case the cyclist tried to claim something after the fact to inform him of what happen. His agent had him go to the police, but they said the report had to be filed at the scene of the crime (so no report was filed).
Don't you have to be tested regularly at a certain age to retain your drivers license? I pretty sure you do in our state.
John's brother just took John's mother's Lexus away one day. I'm sure he's bleeding her bank account as well. Unfortunately it's not that hard to take things away from feeble seniors.
Stubborn seniors won't listen to reason either. Sometimes you just have to do what you have to do.
So while "taking the car" can mean literally taking the car often it is a euphemism that means just preventing or delaying driving a few times or for a few weeks or few months until the elderly person gets out of the habit of driving. When you are dealing with a situation where an unsafe driver could easily kill themselves or kill other people or both, sometimes you need to be proactive and creative. Will these things help in every situation? Nope, but just sitting on your hands & ignoring the situation hoping that your friend or relative doesn't have a serious car accident and die, often is not a good choice, either.
Stubborn seniors won't listen to reason either. Sometimes you just have to do what you have to do.
Now I understand how this works. I guess this would also pertain to adult children who don't behave well and do things that might be risky or they might try to marry the wrong person or pursue the wrong career or they might not drive safely either. I guess sometimes you just have to do what you have to do.
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