Retirement and pals that may never get there (divorce, divorced, spouse)
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Be very cautious helping family with finances. My wife and I are good hearted (maybe soft hearted) people and have planned well for our own future as we hate to be dependent on anyone else. Between she and I, we have 6 siblings and one surviving parent. Of those seven, only two are financially self sufficient.
Years of trying to help out when they got themselves into a deep financial jam has resulted in them thinking our checking account is their emergency fund. They each owe us thousands of dollars with no mention of repayment after they have cashed the check other than hollow promises. One has even repeatedly said her retirement plan is to move in with my wife and I!
NO MORE!
Make your siblings pull on their big boy and big girl panties and solve their own financial problems. Especially if they are young enough to learn from their mistakes and recover for their own future. Some never will, but as both Red Cross Lifesaving Classes and Dale Carnegie say, you cannot let them drag you down into their abyss or you will be destroyed too.
A friend of 30 years was talking (we're 56) -- I have no idea what she makes, but I presume it's good money from the conversations we've had over the decades. I do know she has a 401K, (no pension), and both she and her husband have inherited money as well (how much I don't know, never asked).
So anyway we (and another friend) were talking about how much we all want to retire, She she said hoped to retire, I can't even remember by what age she said…but she said her financial planner said she (and her husband) should have a million dollars. I did ask, and apparently some posters here may think I was rude for doing so "Oh will you have a million dollars?", she said yes. I said "wow that's great. I don't think I'll have that. But I'll try to make it work, because I'm sure retiring the second I hit Medicare age. (chuckle)" But the money part of the talk ended there, and the conversation moved on. Do I think my friend of 30 years thinks I'm rude? no. Do I care that others think I'm rude? No. Do I think I was rude? No.
You were responding to a friend with sincere interest. I never give specifics but give general data range info to those who are serious about their OWN financial improvement. I have a very close friend who I just share in general with who knows now we are better off then them for obvious reasons but over the years he has had a different financial perspective and now it is to late.
What I find interesting in reading this thread is that many folks in this forum are not aware of the cumulative information they have given out. Folks paying attention can put it together and get very close to the actual amounts. I have have commented several times to posters that I am aware of their situation. They have either told me in the form or by message that I had no idea etc etc. I alway apologize and tell them that my assumption ( which I give them ) is obviously incorrect. They respond back that they are shocked I am right and how did they give it away and they need to be more careful. It isn't a matter of being more careful there are math realities to much conversation in here.
If one week you tell us you believe in a 3% draw down and two weeks later you say you expect about 15K a year in in investment income don't be surprised if someone guesses you have 500K and are reasonably close. When you talk about SS tax torpedoes being triggered or being in a higher Medicare cost group or being beyond tax torpedoes etc etc etc. There are dollar amounts associated with those events that are well known.
When you talk about CCRC's and other issues related to aging and the cost of you are often giving out information.
The easiest way to avoid folks being able to glean your finances is to either avoid any and all financial conversation or to be broke as few will ask how broke!
You need to live in a place where there are a lot of 1%ers. Then nobody asks the question because ....just because. Where I live, Martha Stewart, David Rockefeller, and many others of their ilk live in the summer and part of the winter.
I don't mind giving out info on the forum. I know only 4 people from this forum personally, as in IRL, and I met them through this forum, so I don't care if they know. I just wouldn't go around spreading our income to friends and family as it just feeds gossip behind one's back.
I don't worry about the family asking for loans. The way we all were raised, we would starve before asking for help. It's just our nature to scratch our way out on our own.
You need to live in a place where there are a lot of 1%ers. Then nobody asks the question because ....just because. Where I live, Martha Stewart, David Rockefeller, and many others of their ilk live in the summer and part of the winter.
No need to ask just go online and find out. Forbes especially publishes net worth of folks and Celebrity Net Worth is a good site. I use them all of the time. Really cool for entertainers and athletes to see who saves/invests and who squanders away.
As I've said, no one has ever asked me that question but I guess if they did I would want to know why. Curiosity? Comparison? Example? Awe? Disapproval?
I guess I would deflect my answer with "Why do you want to know?" before answering. If I were satisfied with their reply, maybe I would tell them.
Just retired here at age 60, and I've run into a few friends (in-laws and work acquaintances) who are a little insistent on information about how it's done. In general, these are well-meaning folks my age or older with a long history of bad financial decisions. Their first question is usually: "How much money do you HAVE?" I hate that question for a lot of reasons.
Just wondering if anyone has a good way of dealing with some of the post-retirement questions along these lines. I have no desire to offend anyone, but at the same time it seems prudent to avoid the more pointed questions.
Any interesting ways of handling this semi-delicate situation?
TIA.
I don't remember anyone asking me such questions about retirement. Most of my friends, coworkers, neighbors, etc. congratulated me and expressed their happiness that I was able when I wanted to. But my answer to someone who asked those questions would be, I lived within my means, planned and saved for retirement, worked to minimize my expenses in retirement, waited to retire when I thought I could afford to do so,, and now believe I have enough financial means to live comfortably in retirement. The details are none of their business.
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"Oh will you have a million dollars?", she said yes. I said "wow that's great. I don't think I'll have that. But I'll try to make it work, because I'm sure retiring the second I hit Medicare age. (chuckle)" But the money part of the talk ended there, and the conversation moved on. Do I think my friend of 30 years thinks I'm rude? no. Do I care that others think I'm rude? No. Do I think I was rude? No.
