Retirement and pals that may never get there (long-term, marry, raise)
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When someone asks a rude question like that, I try to bore them to death. Talk to them about short and long-range planning, weekly budgeting, assumed rates of return, safe withdrawal rates, replacement rates, living cheaply in retirement, saving work expenses, and after that, clobber them with the intricacies of Social Security and survivors' benefits, 401(k) plans, pension plans etc etc blah blah blah. Of course, mention no numbers. That'll do them.
When I moved into a new home after my divorce the neighbor guy asked why I got divorced. I'll always regret not just saying something like "My wife caught me and the neighbor lady"
I am 71 years old and satisfied where I am in my retirement.
I have two sister ( 73 and 69) with whom we have had a close relationship all our lives......spouses, nieces and nephews, also )
NEVER..........have anyone of us asked personal questions about money.
NEVER !
Yeah, but you were raised by the same people with the same values, so you're probably in the same boat. At least that's the way it is with my sisters and me...
When somebody asks me a too personal question, I just say "if somebody asks you about that, just tell them you don't know."
That usually shuts them up.
While saying this, lower your voice, look furtively left and right, and hold your hand near your mouth as if to block lip-readers. This ought to freak'em out! I've got to try it.
I could see this working for things like:
Are you married?
What do you do for a living?
Do you have kids?
What kind of car do you have?
Where do you live?
Since I'm a bit of an evangelist when it comes to saving....I would tell them "I saved X (fill in the blank with double digit percentage here) % of my gross salary in my retirement plan for X number of years that I worked. I'd probably refer them to the Mr. Money Mustache "start here" page as well.
I don't do the evangelist thing. I just say generally that I had divide-by-2 divorce math and I'm saving as much as I possibly can so I can retire not too much beyond age 65. Nobody needs to know what my target retirement nest egg goal is.
I always marvel that people take umbrage when certain questions are asked, about finances or anything else.
I don't care that my (true and decades-long) friends know what I have or what I make. So what. Over the years some times our discussions have been specific, some times they haven't. Whatever. If I was ever specific I did it so I could learn from them, if I thought they had some info that might educate me.
And if it's an acquaintance that you doesn't know as well as well, there are ways to answer that question without being specific, should you choose not to be. Some very good non-sarcastic, helpful examples have been given here.
I've never been a "that's none of your business" kind of person. I don't necessarily going around volunteering certain info to anyone and everyone. But I also don't get bent out of shape, if I'm asked a question.
I don't take umbrage at personal questions as much as I take umbrage at the asking of the questions especially by those I don't know all that well. I don't feel that people I have just met really have the right to ask certain personal questions about my life but they do. If they wanted to take the time to get to know me, they would know the answers to their questions.
Whether it's finances or anything else, sometimes people, even long time friends ask questions not out of curiosity but out of envy or being judgmental.
I've never said "This subject is none of your business," but I have said, "I don't discuss this."
My job offers an old-fashioned, vested-after-three-years, no contribution pension. I have been in the plan since 1986 (although didn't have a contribution every year, but stayed vested). It was sheer accident, as I thought that leaving and working per diem would kick me out of the system. In 1999, when I got my first pension statement (vesting was five years then) I came to my senses and went back to that job, where I am presently.
I'm amazed at how little my co-workers know about this plan. They are getting statements and don't pay attention! (We also have a 405(b) and people don't seem to get that there are two plans, one, as I tell them, "free money if you work at least 20 hours a week.")
Maybe it's because I don't look my age, as I'm told, but when I say I'm going to retire in 16 months, people marvel and ask how I saved enough money. And I have to educate them about the wonderful benefit that we have. I tell them, "You can retire anytime you can afford to," not that there's some cosmic law that one must be 65 or whatever. They really don't get it, and they are not much younger than me.
I work with a lot of head-in-the-sand coworkers as well......
It's like they'll wonder what they have 5 minutes before they can't work anymore.
And for us - the bells and whistles and red flags were raised in our mid 40's.
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