So many "Elder Orphans" in our society (conversation, inherit, 2013)
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The reason why many kids can't take care of their aging parents, is because the "kids" are elderly themselves!!
My Dad is in his 70s, walks on a cane, and is trying to care of his father who is in her 90s. It's not easy. People need to stop judging.
I've worked in many nursing homes. Those who are in their 80s and 90s, have children who are old, too, and lack the physical energy to be a full time caretaker. They often have health issues themselves. Sometimes these elderly people have outlived their own children!!!
That's a very good point. It just goes to show that people should think about making their own plans for old age or just being alone and not depend solely on anyone else be it kids or spouses or other family members.
I like the idea of a few seniors getting together a la Golden Girls. Eventually some enterprising entrepreneurs will see money to be made in this and there will be more of these homes specifically built for senior sharing. But as with the independent living complexes that exist today, even shared, they might not be affordable for any but the more well-to-do.
I re-posted to add this link that was posted on the Elder Orphans FB page. While it looks great, many people could not afford the $1200 a month rent. These are the residences I foresee springing up in the future.
I also GOOGLED "Senior housing sharing" and found quite a few of these types of living arrangements. Some looked as if they would be affordable to those of modest means like the situation in the real "Golden Girls" where only the home owner, Blanch, really had any money. But originally her decision to share wasn't because of loneliness, it was so she could share her expenses of keeping up the house.
The reason why many kids can't take care of their aging parents, is because the "kids" are elderly themselves!!
My Dad is in his 70s, walks on a cane, and is trying to care of his father who is in her 90s. It's not easy. People need to stop judging.
I've worked in many nursing homes. Those who are in their 80s and 90s, have children who are old, too, and lack the physical energy to be a full time caretaker. They often have health issues themselves. Sometimes these elderly people have outlived their own children!!!
The age old answer was the grandchildren also stepped in and there was not just one grandchild so the task was shared with perhaps the gay family members doing primary care. But today those grandchildren are no longer at home but renting a room with five roommates to avoid the social stigma of being at home
I see among my peers (late 50s) "kids" completely ignoring their aging parents while spoiling their grandchildren rotten, if not practically supporting and raising them. It seems like misplaced priorities and loyalties to me, but JMO! As if these grandchildren will be taking care of them in their old age (not). It's simply emblematic of modern American society, which worships (overvalues) youth and disrespects (undervalues) age. At any rate, I've always maintained that there were many SELFISH reasons to have children and that the expectation of custodial care -- or even company -- in your dotage was one of the most egregious. Isn't this what the 55+ communities are for?
I'm not saying adults kids and grandkids shouldn't (I did for mine); I'm just saying it doesn't happen very often.
Last edited by otterhere; 09-15-2016 at 09:48 AM..
My only child, my son, has entered into no-contact for whatever reason. No one did anything to him. I think he doesn't want to have anything to do with seeing to me when I am elderly. He helped take care of my mother in her last weeks and I think to just remove himself from that future task is what he is thinking.
So, if I outlive my ten-year-older husband, I will be an "elder orphan".
I can't imagine doing what he has done. I raised him to be independent and apparently I did a good job.
My only child, my son, has entered into no-contact for whatever reason. No one did anything to him. I think he doesn't want to have anything to do with seeing to me when I am elderly. He helped take care of my mother in her last weeks and I think to just remove himself from that future task is what he is thinking.
So, if I outlive my ten-year-older husband, I will be an "elder orphan".
I can't imagine doing what he has done. I raised him to be independent and apparently I did a good job.
Sad, but no doubt true. A friend actually remarked to me, "I need to hurry up and move out of state before my mother gets too old and needy!"
This thread has gotten off track with people mentioning children and family.
An elder orphan has no children, no spouse, and no companion but most recent posts seem to have forgotten that. They can't move closer or rely on people that don't exist.
The age old answer was the grandchildren also stepped in and there was not just one grandchild so the task was shared with perhaps the gay family members doing primary care. But today those grandchildren are no longer at home but renting a room with five roommates to avoid the social stigma of being at home
Well, our society has placed that stigma on young people and told them they must not live at home with their parents after they turn 21 or so. But then we flip flop and criticize them when they aren't taking care of their relatives.
In many other countries it is perfectly acceptable for adults to live with their parents.
This thread has gotten off track with people mentioning children and family.
An elder orphan has no children, no spouse, and no companion but most recent posts seem to have forgotten that. They can't move closer or rely on people that don't exist.
Most do in fact have children or nephews. They become orphans because the following generations no longer sees the extended family as family
You do realize you can join any FB group using any name you like? So long as it hasn't ben used before. I am very active on FB and I have several serious medical issues I don't discuss with friends and family. I join support groups under different names. Most are closed. I simply visit in and out of these groups as I feel like it.
Could you explain how to do this? Do we need to set up multiple Facebook accounts?
Most do in fact have children or nephews. They become orphans because the following generations no longer sees the extended family as family
Did you read the article? NO elder orphan has children, spouse, or companion. That is what this is about, not people whose children don't help out.
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