Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
This post really resonates with me. A friend of mine calls me on her way to work a lot (it's good to have friends younger than you to keep you young, too, I think). It's a time when we can talk after she's dropped off her 2 kids and she's alone in the car. Gives us about 30 minutes of blabbing time once or twice a week.
She called this morning to vent about how her sister wants to have a family meeting about their mother. Without going into all of the details, basically the sister wants property (real estate) her mother owns, or to control it - basically, it's about money and profiting from her Mom's property. But, what she wants her mother to do, Mom is saying no.
So, the sister is now saying, basically, that their Mother is incapable of handling her own affairs, etc.
Now, granted, Mom has not always made great financial choices along with her now-deceased husband - but this did not impact sister's life at all. And in the case of this particular property, Mom is being cautious, as opposed to reckless regarding what to do with this property.
My friend was angry at her sister, and does not agree with what sister is trying to do, by the way.
But, I think this happens a lot. I know my own daughter tends to look for proof that I'm incompetent or losing my ability to take care of myself. Not in order to get anything of mine, as I don't have anything anyway, lol. She's kind of a control freak anyway, but I dread the idea of my daughter having any type of control over what happens to me when I get old. Not all kids are loving caregiver types.
And they don't seem able - or many of them - to recognize that we somehow have lived all of our lives without their help. But, there comes a day when they're maybe in their 30's or so, that they seem to start seeing their parents as feeble-minded ninnies who can't make their own decisions anymore.
Anyway, I sure don't want my daughter having control over any decisions about when/if I need to go into some type of home. I would rather trust a social worker, honestly. Although, they're often young, too, and talk to anyone with gray hair like they're 5 year olds.
Age-wise, I'm actually right in-between my friend's age and her mother's. She often complains about her mother, too, and although I agree with her a lot, sometimes I defend her mother because I can see things from her mother's perspective, because of my age. I brought that up today and said it's one of my fears that my daughter will try to take over my life, too. She does agree that her sister is out of line, but I think it did make her pause to hear me talk about how some kids treat parents like they're senile even when they aren't.
I did like the info shared in this thread that most seniors don't end up in facilities. Also, being reminded that the trend is to get in-home health care workers, as opposed to putting us all in homes is heartening.
Contrary to what someone said, I'm not worried about the quality of care I'll get wherever I end up, even though I'm very low income. Ironically, the lower income you are in the U.S., the more resources you have. I am confident there would be a social worker, at least, making sure I'm being properly cared for.
I think I just normally don't think about getting older and what might happen to me, or where I'd end up, etc. And, I think that's normally for the best. I keep busy and just keep carrying on, pretty much. It was just that it stared me in the face when I went to see my friend. And it was just sad. Sad to see him unable to go for long walks anymore, which he loved to do just a few years ago.
And my point was that it was sad, even though it was a very upscale place. I do understand the concept that you make your own happiness from within, but I won't be at that level of Gandhi-ish meditation ability in this lifetime. For me, even if I understand that concept, my environment does play a large role in my happiness. I don't need fancy, but I do need simple things like reasonable quiet, privacy, safety, and most of all independence, I think.
I really liked the reminders, too, on what we can do to live a more healthy lifestyle to avoid some of the pitfalls. I've been improving my diet and slowly losing weight, which I need to do. My dog gets me out at least once a day for a walk.
But, I also agree with whomever said when it's time, just throw me in front of a bus.
LOL and @ "kids in their 30s" considering their parents feeble. When I was in my 30s, my parents were complete workaholics, both at start ups, cranking out patents, making a "yuuuuuge" impact. Even now, while she's slightly slowing down, and certainly, not aligned with me an many, many areas, my Mom is not feeble. I'm an early to mid 50-something and Mom is an early 80-something.
Elwood, what makes you think anybody ages gracefully? I was hot stuff in my day. Not real pretty but I had a killer bod and my personality did the trick. I still look pretty good for my age but I retired (actually I was retired by the company that went Chapter 11) at 65. I was still taking care of grandbabies a couple of days a week and still performing.
At age 69, I learned that my congenital heart condition had finally worsened and I had open-heart surgery to correct a faulty valve. So far, so good. Still hangin' with the grands, still auditioning and getting roles. In 2009, age 73, I was diagnosed with colon cancer, had surgery, had chemo, and after living with my youngest son and his family for six months, I moved back to my own home. And once again, performed on stage in a play called, No Sex, Please, We're British
I now have COPD and sleep with O2. I take a medication that causes bloating and weight gain. Believe me when I tell you Elwood, there is nothing graceful about any of that.
I'm sorry that you face some difficult health matters but you seem to have cut down on actively managing parts of your life that could be more hands-on, thus keeping you mentally engaged.
I've lived a life that wasn't always easy but I've managed to solve most of the challenges. One thing I will never be is resigned. I will not go gentle into that good night. I wish you well, Elwood.
There is only one way to assure you won't get old...
Let me tell you now that while you are middle aged, you still consider yourself young. As long as you are getting up in the morning and putting on your shoes and having your coffee and heading out the door to work, or to babysit, or golf, or go to card/book/sewing club, you won't realize that It's Happening. You may delay it a bit, but you can't stop it. You are aging.
There's a good reason why most people lose some visual acuity. It's so that when you look in the mirror you're still seeing the face that has looked back at you since you were young and good-looking.
And one day, you just don't feel like you used to and you realize that you've finally done it...you're finally old. And all the talk of planning for the day you get old is just that - talk. You thought about planning for it but it seemed like it was too soon to worry about it.
Since I never actually expected to live this long, my long range plans consisted of making sure the coffee pot was set to brew at 5 AM and to pay the water bill before the due date.
Here I am, independent as ever, still readying the pot before I fall asleep and paying bills and making a nice salad to go with my chicken.
I have read and heard all the arguments for ALF (when the time comes) and how people just love it because it gives them an opportunity to interact with their peers. If I wanted that, I'd be at the Senior Center instead of hanging out with you nice folks on CD. "Oh, my, there are so many activities at the ALF and it's just so much fun." No, it isn't. I've never found it fun to be cajoled into an activity directed by a much younger social director who only thinks he/she knows what "old" people like.
I don't go to the Senior Center because it's full of old people. I just had the most wonderful visit from my youngest son and his youngest son who turns two in a couple of weeks. He's a bundle of energy and I feel like I got an injection of youth which will carry me through the day. I go to see another grandchild "graduate" from Kindergarten this afternoon. And later in the week, yet another graduates
from high school.
My favorite author had a new book released yesterday and I'm halfway through it. Looking forward to a week at the beach. And a visit from another granddaughter who is bringing me gifts she picked up for me when she chaperoned a group of university students on a service trip to Arizona.
When I have a good day, I enjoy it and when I have a not-so-good day, I take it easy, rest what hurts, and look forward to a better day tomorrow. I may have to get older but by damn I refuse to get old.
^^^This!!!
Can I just say "I love your attitude!!"
Beautifully written with wisdom, sass and honesty
When it is my time, just push me in front of a bus.
Reminds me of this joke:
"When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did–in his sleep. Not yelling and screaming like the passengers in his car."
There is only one way to assure you won't get old...
Let me tell you now that while you are middle aged, you still consider yourself young. As long as you are getting up in the morning and putting on your shoes and having your coffee and heading out the door to work, or to babysit, or golf, or go to card/book/sewing club, you won't realize that It's Happening. You may delay it a bit, but you can't stop it. You are aging.
There's a good reason why most people lose some visual acuity. It's so that when you look in the mirror you're still seeing the face that has looked back at you since you were young and good-looking.
And one day, you just don't feel like you used to and you realize that you've finally done it...you're finally old. And all the talk of planning for the day you get old is just that - talk. You thought about planning for it but it seemed like it was too soon to worry about it.
Since I never actually expected to live this long, my long range plans consisted of making sure the coffee pot was set to brew at 5 AM and to pay the water bill before the due date.
Here I am, independent as ever, still readying the pot before I fall asleep and paying bills and making a nice salad to go with my chicken.
I have read and heard all the arguments for ALF (when the time comes) and how people just love it because it gives them an opportunity to interact with their peers. If I wanted that, I'd be at the Senior Center instead of hanging out with you nice folks on CD. "Oh, my, there are so many activities at the ALF and it's just so much fun." No, it isn't. I've never found it fun to be cajoled into an activity directed by a much younger social director who only thinks he/she knows what "old" people like.
I don't go to the Senior Center because it's full of old people. I just had the most wonderful visit from my youngest son and his youngest son who turns two in a couple of weeks. He's a bundle of energy and I feel like I got an injection of youth which will carry me through the day. I go to see another grandchild "graduate" from Kindergarten this afternoon. And later in the week, yet another graduates
from high school.
My favorite author had a new book released yesterday and I'm halfway through it. Looking forward to a week at the beach. And a visit from another granddaughter who is bringing me gifts she picked up for me when she chaperoned a group of university students on a service trip to Arizona.
When I have a good day, I enjoy it and when I have a not-so-good day, I take it easy, rest what hurts, and look forward to a better day tomorrow. I may have to get older but by damn I refuse to get old.
Just wondering why you would assume you would be in wheelchairs - or it obviously is just in case that happens?
So many people never use wheelchairs before they pass away.
It's just the way the house was built. A lot of retirees live in the neighborhood. Wider doors also makes it easier for EMTs and the funeral home. I don't have any health issues, but I do know one day the funeral home is going to come for me.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
@ "kids in their 30s" considering their parents feeble. When I was in my 30s, my parents were complete workaholics, both at start ups, cranking out patents, making a "yuuuuuge" impact. Even now, while she's slightly slowing down, and certainly, not aligned with me an many, many areas, my Mom is not feeble. I'm an early to mid 50-something and Mom is an early 80-something.
