What's up with retired folk asking personal questions about finances? (states, friend)
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This is NOT unique to retirees. I have experienced people digging into my finances and being nosy, and I'm not retired. In most cases I find out, they are targeting people who might be able to loan them money, do business with them or buy something from them. Example: someone who works as a financial adviser looking for clients.
If they find out you are doing well financially, be careful around them; it's only a matter of time before they want something from you.
Maybe one of the reasons so many folks are in horrible financial situations is because in general we treat talking about finances as taboo?? we act like it's some sort of secret, men in black, government society stuff.
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No. People often wind up in horrible financial situations because they didn't plan or prepare for the future, or they have poor financial literacy. That doesn't include situations such as major health catastrophes. I'm referring to people with no self control over money.
Maybe one of the reasons so many folks are in horrible financial situations is because in general we treat talking about finances as taboo?? we act like it's some sort of secret, men in black, government society stuff.
Maybe they are genuinely interested in trying to better their situation.
Personally I find that is how I get answers, let's say one of my coworkers just purchased a car Im interested in, yes I asked them how much they paid for their car. I'm trying to get the best prices, not figure out if they are having nookie every night.
you don't have to give a blow by blow of you entire financial life but what is wrong with telling someone how much you pay in rent? Many seniors are on a fixed budget so finding ways to afford what they want could be really important.
Because the OP lives in a low-income senior apartment building, the man KNOWS exactly what the rents are. And was just Y a K-ity yaking for no reason. Whether she pays $100 more or not is irrelevant.
She even said "I can understand to some degree that others who are retired are curious how other retired people afford things, etc.,...."but he was grilling her.
I’ve never encountered this and if I did I would be super quick to tell them that my finances are personal and will remain that way. I can’t imagine anyone being that nosy, but apparently people are.
Another retired friend and I were recently discussing how retired people, even total strangers, have zero qualms about asking questions about your finances in retirement. We have both experienced this.
It happened to me again today with a tenant in my building (a low-income senior apartment building) I had never met before. We started chatting about my dog, then after blabbing a bit, he asked if I had a one-bedroom, then wondered how I could afford it, and did I have a pension and I looked too young to be on SSA retirement, so how did I afford it without being old enough to be on SSA retirement.
Really dang nosy! But, this is not uncommon from my experience. It really was not about him hitting on me. This happens equally with women and men. And my friend does have a pension and money and owns her own place - but she said she encounters this type of nosiness, too on a regular basis.
I can understand to some degree that others who are retired are curious how other retired people afford things, etc., but it is just so weird to me how the norms of not being overly nosy and asking personal questions of strangers, are thrown out the window regarding how other seniors afford their lives, and what their sources of income are, etc.
Have you also encountered this? And how do you handle it? I need to figure out some kind of standard answers. I swear this guy today absolutely grilled me! It was disturbing. He was more over the top than the normal encounters I've had, but it's still unnerving to have strangers asking me about my money! And I feel quite sure they were trained not to do so, and never would have done so prior to being retired.
So, why is someone's retirement finances info okay to butt into, when they never would have asked someone's financial info prior to becoming retired?
And how do you deal with these people?
It’s just another example of a general U.S. decline in respect to personal boundaries. For those kinds of questions or implied questions, I just say something vague but true. You can say, “I somehow managed to save and keep on budget, doing without unimportant things while keeping important ones. All without handouts, even!” Anything more than that is none of their business.
If Mr. Nosy Parker persists, you’ll be forced to adopt bluntness: “I was brought up not to talk about personal finances with strangers. Nice weather we’re having, eh?” The same tactic also is good for people who try to make you tell them your political stripe so they can pigeonhole you into Us or Them.
I've asked fellow retirees that I meet what they did for a career. I wonder if they find that offensive. I do it as an ice-breaker - something to talk about or find something in common. I find that it's interesting to see what people did in their long lives (I'm a young retiree in a retirement community of over 10k).
I’ve never encountered this and if I did I would be super quick to tell them that my finances are personal and will remain that way. I can’t imagine anyone being that nosy, but apparently people are.
They sure are. I’ve had people say, “You must have made a ton of money to retire so early” or imply that there was an inheritance” or some other wrong assumption. Meanwhile, I have to bite my tongue from pointing out that they spend A LOT of money on certain habits or other nonessential lifestyle things that I (and my husband) consider useless or low-priority.
I've asked fellow retirees that I meet what they did for a career. I wonder if they find that offensive. I do it as an ice-breaker - something to talk about or find something in common. I find that it's interesting to see what people did in their long lives (I'm a young retiree in a retirement community of over 10k).
That in itself is not offensive. It is offensive if used to ferret out financial history.
However, what people do to pay their bills does NOT necessarily reveal their personalities as much as you might think. Some are late bloomers, some just did what they could to scrape by, some people have multiple careers, some never matched career well with aptitudes, some chose to live in regions where they had no opportunities in their careers, etc etc.
I've been retired since mid-2011, (at least partially till a few months ago), live in an area populated by many retirees, but have never been asked about my finances. I wouldn't ask about anyone else's either, considering it's personal information that is none of my business. Just as my financial information is not theirs, either.
Same here, I’ve never had anyone ask me any personal financial questions in NY or FL. Both of those neighborhoods are fairly diverse, income-wise, so there isn’t the idea of assumed comraderie and being in a similar situation to commiserate about.
There always seem to be those that ask inappropriate questions, but I’m surprised there seems to be so many that the OP knows. Maybe that particular environment invites it?
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