Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I got to thinking of this responding to a thread of how much we are like our mothers and fathers.
For example: my brother married the spittin' image of my mother, my sister married my Father, in many different ways, 2 of my nieces married their Father, in some way or another, and I recently told a cousin of mine: do you realize your wife has many of the characteristics of your Father?
Along the way, I had the temptations, opportunities, but I think it was my intuition that told me to stay clear of them! Is it not a form of "incest"?
No, it's not incest. I think it's more of going toward what you know.
I don't think I did. But I've never been to analysis, so I don't know for sure. Not in any obvious way, anyway.
I've read that daughters don't marry men with aspects of their fathers, but rather, they marry men who have aspects of their mothers. Whoever the child spent the most time with, I guess.
No, it's not incest. I think it's more of going toward what you know.
I don't think I did. But I've never been to analysis, so I don't know for sure. Not in any obvious way, anyway.
I've read that daughters don't marry men with aspects of their fathers, but rather, they marry men who have aspects of their mothers. Whoever the child spent the most time with, I guess.
Or whichever one you got along better with maybe.
My mother was sort of depressed and made me feel worthless. It was my dad who took me out hiking and to museums, taught me how to have a garden, took me to the movies, read books to me. He wasn't perfect but he was more of a parent to me.
I considered my mother more of a guardian to me. She cooked and cleaned. I couldn't have survived without her but she was no fun, never had anything good to say about me, even told me I'd better get a good career because no one would ever marry me. Then she bonded with my younger sister and the two of them sided against me. In her later life, she finally got over her tragic childhood (I wish they'd had therapists for her back in those days) and she came into her own. She was sweet and kind.
But in my formative years, it was my dad who was also a guardian, as he worked all day long but he also taught me things. My mother even refused to teach me how to cook. I gravitated towards my dad. It's often been said that boys look for someone like their mother and girls look for someone like their father. If you had a good mom/dad, then that's a healthy thing to do. If your parent was an alcoholic or a crazy person, no.
Not retired, but I have a funny story to add here. My brother was never that close to our mother, and to be honest she wasn't exactly nurturing... she was (is) a good mother, but more the "walk it off and stop whining" than "let me kiss your boo-boos" type. He was, however, extremely close with a Filipina nanny/housekeeper we had when he was a child.
One day I was talking to him and his now-wife (fiancee at the time) about how men typically marry women who remind them of their first maternal figure; usually their mother or maybe grandmother. He was all "But my fiancee is NOTHING like mom, either in looks or personality." To which I replied "Yeah, but she IS Filipina - just like your favorite nanny, Evangelina." The look of epiphany on his face was priceless, and my sister-in-law just started cracking up at that. Theory proven!!
When my niece divorced her last husband, I said to her that's it's not unusual to marry your mother or fathers in some way or another. You realize your Dad is an Aquarian and you married an Aquarian. And your sister also married an Aquarian, and subsequently divorced as well.
My mother was sort of depressed and made me feel worthless. It was my dad who took me out hiking and to museums, taught me how to have a garden, took me to the movies, read books to me. He wasn't perfect but he was more of a parent to me.
I considered my mother more of a guardian to me. She cooked and cleaned. I couldn't have survived without her but she was no fun, never had anything good to say about me, even told me I'd better get a good career because no one would ever marry me. Then she bonded with my younger sister and the two of them sided against me. In her later life, she finally got over her tragic childhood (I wish they'd had therapists for her back in those days) and she came into her own. She was sweet and kind.
But in my formative years, it was my dad who was also a guardian, as he worked all day long but he also taught me things. My mother even refused to teach me how to cook. I gravitated towards my dad. It's often been said that boys look for someone like their mother and girls look for someone like their father. If you had a good mom/dad, then that's a healthy thing to do. If your parent was an alcoholic or a crazy person, no.
I think that's not necessarily true. That's one reason that children of abusers often end up either being abusers themselves or marrying abusers. It's just what you know. Not necessarily that you liked it. You become, or marry into, the environment you were raised in.
People who have abandonment issues sometimes marry people who leave them, just like their parents left them.
It IS often said that women look for someone like their fathers, but one or more studies I read said that women actually look for men who were similar to their mothers, which is contrary to what we think normally. That's why I guess that it has to do with who you spent more time with, maybe. Or maybe it's just which parent had the most effect on you as a child. I don't know.
If you look hard enough, you can find aspects of anyone that is similar to traits in one or both of your parents. I'm not so sure it matters, anyway. If the spouse was a good choice, that's good. If the spouse was a bad choice, make a better choice next time, I guess. If there is a next time.
I married my mom. Like her, my husband is neat, clean, organized, sociable, polite, dutiful, conscientious, loves to make plans & lists, and is very consistent in his daily routines & habits.
I guess he married his mom: we both hate to make plans and follow routines, and feel life's too short to alphabetize the spice rack.
The only way that my wife of 46 years now was like my mother was in Bust Size.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
