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I think it's the neighborhood and the luck of the draw. I am currently in a neighborhood of older people but it is not a 55+ community. It just attracts older people because the houses have first floor master bedrooms.
Anyway, for the first time in my adult life I live amongst friendly and helpful neighbors. Many are outside walking every day (with or without dogs) and many work on their gardens. So we get to meet each other and chat. I never had that before in any of the other places I have lived. Before COVID we used to have in-person HOA meetings. That was another opportunity to get to know the neighbors.
I feel very good about knowing my neighbors and having someone to call in an emergency.
This is very similar to our situation. Not a 55+ neighborhood, but mostly retired neighbors. This is a really social community and even has a club for people who are new to get involved in community events and make new friends. A lot of people will say that this sort of thing is not for them, but then they will also be complaining they don't know their neighbors. I guess it's true what they say "to have a friend, you need to be a friend". If you don't put in the effort to meet people by going to community events and actually introducing yourself to the neighbors, then you can't expect them to do the same.
We live on a great cul-de-sac. We know all the neighbors by name, and we've been in many of their homes and vice versa. During covid lockdown, and for a month or two after, we had weekly street parties and brought our camp chairs out to someone's yard, brought our own snacks and beverages, and sat with our spouses 6 feet from the neighbors and all had a great time laughing and trying to feel better about the isolation. When we see each other outside, we often stop and chat for 5 or 10 minutes about what's going on and how they're doing, etc. We all have each others' numbers and emails so we can communicate important things, and we watch each others homes when we go out of town. I've happily collected the neighbors' mail and watered their house plants while they went to Florida for a few months. I think this is the best group of neighbors I've ever had, but it takes being a bit pro-active. You have to try and meet them, and actually go out of your way in the beginning to make the first move, an to offer to be helpful, or share something (real things or just helpful info) with them.
I think it's the neighborhood and the luck of the draw. I am currently in a neighborhood of older people but it is not a 55+ community. It just attracts older people because the houses have first floor master bedrooms.
Anyway, for the first time in my adult life I live amongst friendly and helpful neighbors. Many are outside walking every day (with or without dogs) and many work on their gardens. So we get to meet each other and chat. I never had that before in any of the other places I have lived. Before COVID we used to have in-person HOA meetings. That was another opportunity to get to know the neighbors.
I feel very good about knowing my neighbors and having someone to call in an emergency.
This is EXACTLY what we have experienced. 25+ years in Phoenix-metro then a not entirely voluntary move to Raleigh, NC.
In hindsight, our choice of homes were often in family oriented communities. We have no kids.
BUT I've come to believe that Scottsdale/ Phoenix area has one very big, specific barrier to neighborhood relationships - those cement wall enclosed backyards that proliferate the area. All three homes I lived in had them. They create a physical AND mental separation and isolation.
Now that we have a comparison, I'm personally convinced that had a direct and significant effect on our lack of friends in the neighborhood.
You and I moved to Arizona about the same time. I’ve never lived in a state where it’s been difficult to make friends or connect with neighbours but somehow It’s just not happening here. I’ve just never been unable to make friends in the uk and in the five states we’ve lived until now. Our neighbours are not unfriendly, but they are not friendly either. They barely make eye contact. It’s quite odd. I kept thinking it might be us ,or our age but on a local community chat board someone brought this subject up and several people from various other states said the same thing.
So for the first time in my life I don’t have any friends locally. I’m not complaining , it’s just a strange difference. I’m not lonely either, We keep busy with hiking, road trips, museums, cafes, and the grandchildren and I continue to work on my art. I love the landscape here, our home , However I’d like to eventually move back to the village in another state where My daughter and grandson live and where I still have a large circle of friends.
I agree it’s the way people live, not necessarily the people per se. It also depends on the area or community within Arizona. I’m pretty sure had we moved to Prescott it would have been a different story, alas the medical services up there were so limited. Wish I had suggestions , sorry. The pandemic has certainly complicated things.
The Mrs. and I plan to do something similar next spring (move from expensive area etc.).
We both acknowledge that as we age, we'll need a circle of support. She has friends here that she's known for 20 years, but 1) they're scattering in the next few years, and 2) we've got to get away from the crime, traffic, etc.
Where did she meet these friends? Church. I don't know how you feel about religion, but a lot of these folks really do care. Wife had a bit of a falling out with some of the church policies so she goes once or twice a year now, but the friendships have been unaffected.
Outside church, as others have said maybe you could throw a party of some sort. If you don't have a fire pit, could you ask them to help you build one? Sometimes having something for guests to do takes pressure off. We had a wine night and found out we had guitar players among our neighbors, and between the wife and I we have five guitars so we handed them out.
We had wine nights, where people rotated hosting each month. We also had "progressive" Christmas parties---appetizers at John's place, then walk to Bob's for the entree, then on to Bill's for dessert, and end up at Tom's for after dinner drinks. But we found these are not as successful as you might imagine.
I mean, people had fun doing them but did the momentum continue? We suspect that some of the younger folks may have continued without inviting us older folks. They've got the kids in tee ball, piano lessons, whatever and they're communicating regularly...maybe they get together spontaneously all the time. So I think demographics dictates some of it, but we always wanted to have a variety of friends, thinking if you only hang around with people your age it speeds up the fossilization process.
We jump started our neighborhood friendships when we held a Christmas Open House two years in a row.
That was nearly 20 years ago. We have watched the neighborhood kids grow up and then have children of their own.
We are still almost the new people in our cul-de-sac. Retired in 2010; home is not for sale.
Sometimes you just get lucky.
This is EXACTLY what we have experienced. 25+ years in Phoenix-metro then a not entirely voluntary move to Raleigh, NC.
BUT I've come to believe that Scottsdale/ Phoenix area has one very big, specific barrier to neighborhood relationships - those cement wall enclosed backyards that proliferate the area. All three homes I lived in had them. They create a physical AND mental separation and isolation.
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Yes, that seems a big part of it. I tried to join a newcomers club but it’s part of the country club and they charged a huge fee per year and most of the groups were full. Ive tried to reach out to neighbours and other avenues in several ways, nada. They say to have friends you need to be a friend, well I’ve always been a friend and enjoyed people, but after a year of trying and getting nowhere I just accepted this is how it is here in our current location for now. Then the pandemic hit. I am not bored, or lonely or unhappy , it is just very odd to me.
The Mrs. and I plan to do something similar next spring (move from expensive area etc.).
We both acknowledge that as we age, we'll need a circle of support. She has friends here that she's known for 20 years, but 1) they're scattering in the next few years, and 2) we've got to get away from the crime, traffic, etc.
Where did she meet these friends? Church. I don't know how you feel about religion, but a lot of these folks really do care. Wife had a bit of a falling out with some of the church policies so she goes once or twice a year now, but the friendships have been unaffected.
Outside church, as others have said maybe you could throw a party of some sort. If you don't have a fire pit, could you ask them to help you build one? Sometimes having something for guests to do takes pressure off. We had a wine night and found out we had guitar players among our neighbors, and between the wife and I we have five guitars so we handed them out.
We had wine nights, where people rotated hosting each month. We also had "progressive" Christmas parties---appetizers at John's place, then walk to Bob's for the entree, then on to Bill's for dessert, and end up at Tom's for after dinner drinks. But we found these are not as successful as you might imagine.
I mean, people had fun doing them but did the momentum continue? We suspect that some of the younger folks may have continued without inviting us older folks. They've got the kids in tee ball, piano lessons, whatever and they're communicating regularly...maybe they get together spontaneously all the time. So I think demographics dictates some of it, but we always wanted to have a variety of friends, thinking if you only hang around with people your age it speeds up the fossilization process.
I live in a very religious area where most connections are through church. I'm agnostic and don't care for most churches at all.
It is much more difficult to meet people in this area (and I'm originally from here) than in the bigger cities I've lived in. When I lived in an affluent Indianapolis suburb, you had people from all over, and many different walks of life. It's easy to meet other people when there are a lot of other transplants.
Contrast that to here. It's a lot of long-time locals. Social circles are hard to break in to - many people socialize with people they've known for years, even back to grade school and college. Church is huge - many people use church for what amount to networking, but being agnostic and not going to church is still viewed as a curiosity. It's just a smaller area, so fewer people to meet in general.
Yes, you can eventually find a "tribe," but it's difficult.
Location: We_tside PNW (Columbia Gorge) / CO / SA TX / Thailand
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Neighbors being neighborly era is tough to create. Times have changed. I remember the CD poster who had a high speed garage door installed so neighbors would quit interrupting him when he arrived home from work.
Some retirees prefer to rent. That's helpful for us, as each of our rural view homes has 2 or more separate living spaces + RV hookups, so we rent one out, and keep one for ourselves. We fly between homes, it's quick and seamless. Tenants keep up the mowing and maintenance and feed the plants and animals. (Rent covers taxes, utilities, insurance).
We have friends and volunteer gigs in each region.
During Go-Go years, We travel and stay separately ~50% of the time due to eldercare, siblings, adult kids, varied interests. We have a great time together and great time when apart. No co-dependencies yet. Medical needs / no-go era will require a consolidation plan. Hope I expire before being sequestered. View homes are a good place to be stuck while eyesight prevails.
Love SF and La Jolla, so visit often. Have free to $20/ night places to stay, but would rent a condo if we needed FT spot.
My husband is more outgoing than I am, but I do enjoy people. Everyone except us has a car with dark tinted windows, so we might be walking down our street but not recognize the people who are passing us. Sometimes they wave. I have no idea who they are. I told DH they must all be in Witness Protection. They never leave their cars parked outside their garage.
We would probably have more of a relationship with the neighbors if we lived in a walkable neighborhood. That's one of the things I miss about Redwood City. It's 1 1/2 blocks from our house to the supermarket, a number of restaurants, 4 banks, a hardware store, a hobby/crafts store, the UPS store, and oddly, 2 paint stores next to each other.
There are two factors that are keeping us from moving back: 1) the RWC house cannot possibly hold all of DH's "good stuff" -- most of the rooms are (or were) completely filled. He doesn't throw anything away. 2) Scottsdale is expensive, but the Bay Area is expensive on steroids. I get it. With the kind of money people make in Silicon Valley, it's no wonder a turkey burger can run you $27 and change. In Scottsdale we prepare our own meals. The kitchen there is huge and we're not constantly bumping into each other. And there's a fully-equipped second kitchen. I don't want to sell the Scottsdale home and move back here into this cramped, difficult house.
Are there more suitable bigger homes available in your Redwood City neighborhood?
With the new property tax law (forgot the proposition number) you won’t pay full “sales price” property taxes when you as a senior “trade up” to a more expensive home. I believe now, instead of the tax base being the cost of your new, say, 2.5 million dollar home, it will be whatever your old base was plus the difference in sales price between the old RWC home and the new RWC home. Sorry the details are fuzzy, I’ve never considered selling here, so I didn’t pay a whole lot of attention when the prop passed recently. But it could save you a bundle.
There's more to life than a fancy house! Having a house hard to clean because it has too much stuff is a solvable problem.
I disagree. I lived it. Please understand "too much stuff" is a polite understatement. He's a hoarder. If you know anything about hoarders, they don't let you touch their stuff.
Now he's hoarding the casita at the new house but I'm fine with that because it doesn't affect me.
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