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That's the conclusion DH and I came to this evening on a phone call. I was telling him how much I enjoyed being back in the Bay Area and getting caught up on happenings with our neighbors. Contrast that with our Scottsdale neighborhood, where we rarely even see our neighbors.
I asked him where we went wrong. Was it that we're retired people in an area of mostly still-working folks? He pointed out that people in our old nabe worked, too. It's not that people are unkind. The dentist across the street and her husband helped us out considerably when DH contracted bacterial pneumonia and was laid up for a month. I couldn't leave the house then. But I still haven't met either one of them. We bought the house in late 2018. It's almost three years later.
Should we have moved to a retirement community instead? I never wanted to. Too much like high school and mean girls. But if we had we surely would have made some friends long before now. OTOH, we'd have had an HOA and we would have hated that. So, no.
One might be tempted to think it's the pandemic, but I think it has more to do with the way people live. Big houses, big lots, "an entertainer's dream!" as the ads say. We were only invited once into a neighbor's back yard and that was because there was water seeping through our common wall. (Stuck bubbler in the citrus grove, it turned out.) Haven't seen them since.
Suggestions welcome.
It is California. People are generally friendly and happy in CA.. New England has a completely different personality. But they make great neighbors and friends. I have heard from people who have lived in both coasts, that people in CA are friendly but shallow. Shallow and friendly is fine with me most times
I disagree. I lived it. Please understand "too much stuff" is a polite understatement. He's a hoarder. If you know anything about hoarders, they don't let you touch their stuff.
Now he's hoarding the casita at the new house but I'm fine with that because it doesn't affect me.
He moved and you are at the old house?? I'm confused.
I lived in Bay Area for 20+ years and there is just nothing like it. It is so noticeable when you go back!
We had a huge storm the day I got here, which reminded me that the weather is not always ideal. But it is most of the time.
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Just way more social in CA (and I do think it is both the culture and the weather). But, I had to get out of there because it was seriously so extremely expensive (almost 20 years ago it's only exponentially worse now).
The Valley is such a strange place.
19 years ago, the dotcom boom was over. I knew people who lost their jobs because the supply of "webmasters" suddenly far exceeded the demand. I had so many friends who had foolishly taken a flier on stocks like pets.com and webvan. They lost it all, one literally. A co-worker splashed out on a purple marble bathtub with her new riches. The guy who installed it set her house on fire. It burned to the ground.
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Me, if I owned a home with Prop 13? I would have never left. But, to each his own. I have a couple of friends stuck with their Prop 13 houses (one inherited it and it has since doubled in value from $600k to $1.2M and one bought for $27k years ago).
Just got our tax bill for the CA house the other day: $8,222. I know that's incredibly cheap compared to, say, Texas or New Jersey. But consider: With last year's run-up of prices in the Phoenix metro, that house and this house are now valued roughly the same. The two tax bills are pretty much the same. No Prop 13 in Arizona.
Back to the topic at hand... I think I will take my Segway out on the road every morning and see how many people I can stop and talk to. Segway is old technology but it still gets attention.
Neighbors seem to bond better when everyone moves in around the same time, as in a new subdivision.
We moved in to an established neighborhood in Phoenix. It was our first home and was hard to blend in and meet people. Six years later we moved into a new, developing community. We have friends here now who we have known for thirty years.
All is not lost. Invite all of your neighbors over for a happy hour. That might jump-start things.
Very true. We moved into our townhome neighborhood when it was about half built out. I’m very close with quite a few neighbors and know the owners in more than half well enough to know their names, recognize them and talk with them when we meet. It helps that our neighborhood has quarterly get togethers. Some always participate and some never do, but if I need help I have lots of neighbors to call.
We’re considering moving out of the town we live in and are hoping to find a new build neighborhood for this reason. Considering a 55+ one since we’ll know no one where we’re moving.
OK, don't get dogs - get a fire pit and invite people over.
Mine is gas so I don't even have to deal with smoke or wood - or cleaning it up. But prior to building this one, I had a wood burning one and it was fine.
The point is to basically have people over. It doesn't matter how many people. Just invite a lot of people and maybe some will show up - they probably will. I just invited about 8 people over and five showed up and it was so much fun that we're already planning another get together in November. And it was super easy because all we had was finger food and a few bottles of wine and some sodas.
Anyway, here's what I have found out after losing my husband this past year, selling our dreamhouse, and moving to a completely different town:
I had to get involved in a lot of stuff -a LOT of stuff. Then I started paring things down. But no one was beating my door down - I was having to get involved myself, take matters into my own hands. Heck, no one was even aware of my existence from what I can tell.
Anyway, so I finally just bit the bullet and invited some people over. They weren't from any one group - they were just people I like from various walks of life and various activities. Most of them came over - and ended up staying till midnight!
I think the cool, crisp weather and that fire pit really did help. It was just nice, ya know? Sort of fallish and festive but not a lot of trouble.
My point is though that I had to do it myself - otherwise it just wouldn't happen. So I did it, and it worked. It would have worked if just one person had shown up though, or two. So invite eight or ten or so and just see what happens!
Last edited by KathrynAragon; 10-27-2021 at 03:22 PM..
It is California. People are generally friendly and happy in CA.. New England has a completely different personality. But they make great neighbors and friends. I have heard from people who have lived in both coasts, that people in CA are friendly but shallow. Shallow and friendly is fine with me most times
New England native and 26 year Bay Area transplant here.
Gotta disagree. If you’re a down to earth person who is obviously not out to impress, you will be embraced in NE. In Cali, they will size you up and only associate if you are deemed socially acceptable, mainly on economic/political terms.
We moved to a new location when we retired. It’s not a retirement community, but just a regular neighborhood. We’ve been able to meet people through our church and volunteer activities, and hobbies. However, I do know all my neighbors, and we socialize together occasionally.
It might be less expensive (than moving) if you buy a fire pit (or build one) and start having some get togethers in the evenings, with your neighbors. It only takes a few but of course the more the merrier. But I'm saying that if you invite 10 and only 4 show up, you're still good to go.
There's just something about sitting around a fire that is welcoming and relaxing.
I want to add that one of the most satisfying evenings of my life was recently when I went outside and sat at my fire pit by myself, and sort of admired the patio area as the sun went down. I even turned on my outside twinkly lights and that was just so nice. It was nice when people were over too, but don't underestimate the power of just relaxing out on your own patio and admiring your own view.
We had a huge storm the day I got here, which reminded me that the weather is not always ideal. But it is most of the time.
The Valley is such a strange place.
19 years ago, the dotcom boom was over. I knew people who lost their jobs because the supply of "webmasters" suddenly far exceeded the demand. I had so many friends who had foolishly taken a flier on stocks like pets.com and webvan. They lost it all, one literally. A co-worker splashed out on a purple marble bathtub with her new riches. The guy who installed it set her house on fire. It burned to the ground.
Just got our tax bill for the CA house the other day: $8,222. I know that's incredibly cheap compared to, say, Texas or New Jersey. But consider: With last year's run-up of prices in the Phoenix metro, that house and this house are now valued roughly the same. The two tax bills are pretty much the same. No Prop 13 in Arizona.
Back to the topic at hand... I think I will take my Segway out on the road every morning and see how many people I can stop and talk to. Segway is old technology but it still gets attention.
The tax bills may be the same, but one is the Bay Area , and one is, well, not even close in desirability location wise. What would be the tax bill on a house in Scottsdale that was the same size as your RWC home?
It seems so obvious what a person of means would do in this situation.
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