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I want a fire pit. So, but, I guess I want to point something out. If you had no fire pit; but, you had food (and alcohol or even just food) it attracts people (people are kind of like ants that way).
LOL
Well, you're right about that. I did have food, and alcohol. But honestly, a fire pit is terrific.
It's funny how this stuff evolves. When I moved to New Mexico from the Midwest in 2013 I was a newbie and struggling with the learning curve in a rural desert area. My older neighbor decided to take me under his wing and really was a help and a good friend. He was a handyman and could explain how new things worked -- like a well, septic tank, swamp cooler. I had no clue. We had what he called a "friendship gate" between the yards...a new concept to me but very handy. After about three years he died. I was acquainted with his wife and we stayed as friends. She is quite old and not healthy so I kept track of her a bit. Their grown kids (lawyers), who had not been very active or frequent visitors, were concerned about mom living alone. The friendship gate got padlocked and the message seemed pretty clear. We wave but really have no contact and I would not know if she was OK or not anymore.
You could go knock on her front door once in a while to say hi. The children probably locked the gate for their mom's safety -- they didn't know you.
That's the conclusion DH and I came to this evening on a phone call. I was telling him how much I enjoyed being back in the Bay Area and getting caught up on happenings with our neighbors. Contrast that with our Scottsdale neighborhood, where we rarely even see our neighbors.
I asked him where we went wrong. Was it that we're retired people in an area of mostly still-working folks? He pointed out that people in our old nabe worked, too. It's not that people are unkind. The dentist across the street and her husband helped us out considerably when DH contracted bacterial pneumonia and was laid up for a month. I couldn't leave the house then. But I still haven't met either one of them. We bought the house in late 2018. It's almost three years later.
Should we have moved to a retirement community instead? I never wanted to. Too much like high school and mean girls. But if we had we surely would have made some friends long before now. OTOH, we'd have had an HOA and we would have hated that. So, no.
One might be tempted to think it's the pandemic, but I think it has more to do with the way people live. Big houses, big lots, "an entertainer's dream!" as the ads say. We were only invited once into a neighbor's back yard and that was because there was water seeping through our common wall. (Stuck bubbler in the citrus grove, it turned out.) Haven't seen them since.
Suggestions welcome.
Don’t take it personal. From my personal observations it seems that we have had a major cultural shift in this country away from the kindness and neighborliness of days gone by.
We are starting our 6th year here in Florida and we have been invited to exactly one of our neighbors homes. So, it is what it is. We wave, smile, and go on about our lives.
I see a trend in the posts that share these challenges.
And that is: passiveness.
Not being the one to initiate social contact, waiting for someone else to extend an invitation, or introduce themselves, or say or wave hello. Of course the outcome is going to reflect the lack of effort.
As for the OP, there's also another factor: being on the move a lot.
OP is off driving between the 2 homes on a frequent basis, or on the go in the van for various lengths of time and reasons. Relationship off/on, apart, together, then ping ponging between 2 houses in different states, not quite making final decisions and following it through.
Still live in the same neighborhood. Was new to everything it seemed. I worked a lot but wanted to be with my kids as much as possible when I got home and be like the other moms (mostly SAHM).
There was a playgroup held at various homes. I took off for 3 hours one day a week to go to this. I can remember my son being so excited when my car turned the corner.
Anyway, I met some great girls and guys (a couple would sub once in a while) and then one day, I suggested we get all the families together on the weekend and have a BBQ or something like that.
Total silence. No one spoke. I had broken some sacred rule. I was beyond upset (inside).
However, a few minutes later, all back to normal and we ended up having the first one at my house on a weekend and it went great! This turned into great togethers over the next few years - sometimes day events, card games for the guys at night, evenings at someone's home - dinner; the list went on.
Our group ended up making the outside playground safer and young families come up to me now and want to know was I there then (inscriptions at the park) and what we did. Things still go on today.
I have to have the same kind of courage I did back then now. I need to work on relationships now. Our neighborhood was built from 1981 to 1984 - it was an IBM neighborhood initially; tons of families worked at IBM but so many got relocated. We have about 25% originals, 33% from 1985 to 1999 and the rest since then.
On our street of 16 homes, we have 3 original families. Two of them are in their 80's. We have street things. We had a July 4th party and for Halloween, everyone decorates and meets at one of the neighbors' homes.
We need to continue this.
So, like Fluffy, I can see how things can change and people can become isolated. We have dogs so everyone knows us as "Laddie's Mom" or "Madison's Mom" - Laddie is a collie and it takes my husband 1 hour to walk him 1 1/2 miles because he has to talk to so many people. Everyone wants to pet him and Laddie eats it up. Very social dog.
I need to work on my house and start having some fun times there with other people.
I'm sorry Fluffy is going through this - maybe a game night. I love games. I love cards too.
...is there a reason you can't go to the front door?
Quote:
Originally Posted by ansible90
You could go knock on her front door once in a while to say hi. The children probably locked the gate for their mom's safety -- they didn't know you.
We both live on small acreage so it is a bit of a hike, hence the gate. The gate is not visible or accessed from the road. She is my only adjacent neighbor so it's not a busy place. She and I will see each other and occasionally talk across the fence. She is on a walker some days or uses two canes. Now she has a relative who stays with her some days so I can worry less about her.
I see a trend in the posts that share these challenges.
And that is: passiveness.
Not being the one to initiate social contact, waiting for someone else to extend an invitation, or introduce themselves, or say or wave hello. Of course the outcome is going to reflect the lack of effort.
As for the OP, there's also another factor: being on the move a lot.
OP is off driving between the 2 homes on a frequent basis, or on the go in the van for various lengths of time and reasons. Relationship off/on, apart, together, then ping ponging between 2 houses in different states, not quite making final decisions and following it through.
Get over yourself. You don't know half of what you think you know.
OP have you invited anyone in your neighborhood over?
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From 31 years ago
