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Location: Monterey Bay, California -- watching the sea lions, whales and otters! :D
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AZDesertBrat: My mom has already put my brother on the house and won't consider putting anyone else on it. She expects me to just TRUST that my brother will adhere to her verbal instructions...I don't! Actually I would expect him to sell the place and pocket ALL the money. That's how little I trust him.
Next step -- go to your local Social Services office and find out where all the low-income housing places are -- especially for Seniors. Get yourself on a list!! NOW! Find out all you can about Senior housing -- I'm serious. If your brother is anything like my sister who lies through her teeth, then you need to do things NOW to protect yourself.
What a shame your mother is playing favorites. Well, you are going to be doing a lot of research, it looks like.... But, it will help you.
I'm glad you at least spoke to your mother, because now you know what you are looking at. Also, contact your local Seniors Centers and services to see what is available. Unfortunately, I know that many places reserved for seniors or low-income have long, long waiting lists. See what you can do now.
I'm so sorry about that. That must have been a shock to discover. Well, there's nothing you can do about it now, so just get out there and start getting on lists. You may also find that there are smaller waiting lists in different cities/states. It's going to probably be a problem down the road with all of us Boomers aging.
Good luck with this! You've managed so far, so you can do it!!
Next step -- go to your local Social Services office and find out where all the low-income housing places are -- especially for Seniors. Get yourself on a list!! NOW! Find out all you can about Senior housing -- I'm serious. If your brother is anything like my sister who lies through her teeth, then you need to do things NOW to protect yourself.
What a shame your mother is playing favorites. Well, you are going to be doing a lot of research, it looks like.... But, it will help you.
I'm glad you at least spoke to your mother, because now you know what you are looking at. Also, contact your local Seniors Centers and services to see what is available. Unfortunately, I know that many places reserved for seniors or low-income have long, long waiting lists. See what you can do now.
I'm so sorry about that. That must have been a shock to discover. Well, there's nothing you can do about it now, so just get out there and start getting on lists. You may also find that there are smaller waiting lists in different cities/states. It's going to probably be a problem down the road with all of us Boomers aging.
Good luck with this! You've managed so far, so you can do it!!
Already done that, before I moved in here. I know where all the senior housing is, how much they cost and what the criteria is to get into them. This is a dinky town and there's not really that much in options. I think we have more residential(retirement)/nursing homes than senior housing here. I'm on a couple of lists but I won't leave where I'm at as long as my mom is alive.
It is extremely doubtful that I would move from here just for housing. I've lived here, off and on, all of my life and I love it here. Most of my family lives here as well, or within 100 miles. I have two cousins that live out of state and I have a HUGE family so there's a lot of family around.
It wasn't that much of a "shock". I've always known that my 'baby brother' was my parents favorite. We all knew it.
Already done that, before I moved in here. I know where all the senior housing is, how much they cost and what the criteria is to get into them. This is a dinky town and there's not really that much in options. I think we have more residential(retirement)/nursing homes than senior housing here. I'm on a couple of lists but I won't leave where I'm at as long as my mom is alive.
It is extremely doubtful that I would move from here just for housing. I've lived here, off and on, all of my life and I love it here. Most of my family lives here as well, or within 100 miles. I have two cousins that live out of state and I have a HUGE family so there's a lot of family around.
It wasn't that much of a "shock". I've always known that my 'baby brother' was my parents favorite. We all knew it.
I think we would all agree that you take your mom out to dinner and sit across the table from her and very quietly explain your dilemma. She needs to be out of her house when she hears this. Explain that you need the security of knowing you have a home to live in in your older years. Bring up the revocable trust idea...that all she has to do is name you as the person who gets the deed and that on your moving away or passing away, the house immeidately goes to your brother. Tell her you want him to ultimately have the house, he deserves it, etc etc and that he will definitely have it when you either move or pass away. A good lawyer can set this in stone. It is worth every penny even if you have to borrow. If possible explain this all to your brother ahead of time. Good luck
I think we would all agree that you take your mom out to dinner and sit across the table from her and very quietly explain your dilemma. She needs to be out of her house when she hears this. Explain that you need the security of knowing you have a home to live in in your older years. Bring up the revocable trust idea...that all she has to do is name you as the person who gets the deed and that on your moving away or passing away, the house immeidately goes to your brother. Tell her you want him to ultimately have the house, he deserves it, etc etc and that he will definitely have it when you either move or pass away. A good lawyer can set this in stone. It is worth every penny even if you have to borrow. If possible explain this all to your brother ahead of time. Good luck
She refuses to discuss it any further. She and my dad had an trust drawn up years ago but there's nothing left in it at this point, except the house and property. My mom didn't manage her money well at ALL.
I'm thinking that, when all is said and done, I will eventually have to rely on myself to survive. I've done well all my life so I'm sure I will continue to do so. If not "well" at least I have never been evicted from my home, had my utilities cut off or starved so....
She refuses to discuss it any further. She and my dad had an trust drawn up years ago but there's nothing left in it at this point, except the house and property. My mom didn't manage her money well at ALL.
I'm thinking that, when all is said and done, I will eventually have to rely on myself to survive. I've done well all my life so I'm sure I will continue to do so. If not "well" at least I have never been evicted from my home, had my utilities cut off or starved so....
Its a shame but from what you've said, it looks like you are on your own. She certaintlyisnt the first parent to have favorites & blinders on. Ever read Jane Austen's Sense & Sensibility? Exactly the same situation 200 years ago.
Were you married 10 years? If so,you are entitled 1/2 the ex's benefit.
I've spoken to people, too, who think they are frugal, but are not. I know lots of people who buy so many things they don't need, or drink coffee out, or buy new clothing, or all kinds of things. Sometimes, I can't help it, I actually am counting in my head just what kind of money they're spending (because I'm always so cautious). Because I'm still working, I do sometimes eat out -- but....it's usually at a place in my coupon book!
Here's a story to put it into perspective from my point of view. As a single parent with an eight-year-old child and having been devastated in a divorce, I was about $7,000 in credit card debt, and I was only paid $10/hour for my full-time job. I have always been careful with money, and I do seem to know many tricks in how to save. When I heated with wood (here in California), I would go to the beach and gather driftwood (free) or go into the actual woods and gather up old oak branches (also free). Now, how many people would do that, unless they're already on a farm and have their own trees to fell? Not many, I know for sure, because I was the only one I even knew of who was gathering driftwood for heat, while many were taking pieces for decorating or carving. And remember, I am only 4'10" tall -- I am not some Amazon who can carry heavy loads, so it took a lot of time and energy for me to gather all that wood.
And I have always cooked my own food, and, fortunately, I am a good cook and learned much from my grandparents and mother. I know how to cut meats cheaply because my father taught me. I buy whole chickens and cut them up because it's cheaper that way. Suffice to say, I rarely spend money on anything but necessities.
Anyway, back to the story. So, I had this debt, and I was doing all my money-saving actions, and I just couldn't get this thing chipped away. I was working full-time, my child was very young, so I paid for a county after-school program, which was actually terrific. (Story on that was they wanted summer care paid upfront, which I couldn't do, so I went to the local Board of Supervisors, presented my case in writing, met with them individually and explained that some of us could pay week to week, but not the entire summer -- the summer program was what I was paid for an entire month! So.....they actually changed the county policy!! As the supervisor said to me when it got passed, "It may not help you much anymore, but it will help many other parents as they move into the programs." )
Okay, so I go to the credit counseling agency. I'm thinking, "There's GOT to be something else I can do." I just couldn't figure it out, so I was sure there was something I was missing.
I sit with the counselor and she pulls up all my credit card debt -- something that I did not know one could do -- and she could see every single thing I used my credit card for: child care and car repairs. Then she went through the whole list of things to do -- I "passed" each one. So, I see this big cardboard box of cut up credit cards and I said to her, "I suppose you want me to cut up my credit card?" And she, surprisingly, says to me, "No, you are doing everything we tell people to do....you just don't make enough money. For you you have to use it to survive." And I did. Seven years later, I paid it all off -- never declared bankruptcy. Oh, and I had other bills from my ex, too....long story...but I paid those off, too.
So, that was a very confirming lesson to me that I, indeed, was following all the frugal tips that even credit counselors dispense.
If there are people on this thread who do go out and buy lattes and expensive foods, and stuff like that, well, then they have room to cut. I know people don't want to cut "luxuries" even if they seem cheap, but $7/week is $28/month which is over $300 a year. Two things at $7/each a week is over $600/year! It adds up quickly.
Even though I live in California, it does get chilly at night here, especially in the winter, and a cheap electric blanket that lasts for years and only cost pennies to use, is a great way to save on gas! I used them when I lived in Buffalo, and they have become a standard for me.
Here's another quick cheap tip -- made me think of it with Forest beekeeper talking about laundry detergent. Ants. For some reason, where I am now, we have ants. (In the redwoods, ants were repelled...redwoods repell insects!) I just was cringing when I bought ant traps and thought there's got to be a better way - I found it! Borox. Good ol' 20 Mule Team Borox -- like for laundry! I just take a cotton ball, wet it and roll it in Borox and set it in corners and places I see the ants or ant hills. Little did I know that the main ingredient in Borox is the main ingredient in ant traps!
I agree that sometimes people do spend money in places that they really could cut. And if they don't or won't, then they're not really on that proverbial shoestring. However, most people don't fall into that category, and I doubt if many who do would be on here. I've noticed that most people on this board actually do have lots more money and things, etc., but I think that's because this board/forum is actually for people looking to relocate and, therefore, they probably have money to do so.
Just sharing a few cost-cutting tips is handy -- there may be some we just don't know that someone else does. And that's why this thread is so handy! Thanks!
Good post--almost. I too ended up divorced as a single mom with no support and lots of debt from the ex--I had a little better income on my own, but I had to find creative ways to make ends meet so my kid could have what she needs.
Just do me a favor--lose the "Amazon" schtick. I am a little over six feet tall, and that crap gets pretty old after a few decades. You probably wouldn't like it if I referred to you as that little dwarf woman, would you? From either side, our height is nothing we had any control over and shouldn't be a reason for disrespect and disparaging of others.
Just do me a favor--lose the "Amazon" schtick. I am a little over six feet tall, and that crap gets pretty old after a few decades. You probably wouldn't like it if I referred to you as that little dwarf woman, would you? From either side, our height is nothing we had any control over and shouldn't be a reason for disrespect and disparaging of others.
With all respect for your feelings, we often use the word Amazon colloquially to mean "big strong woman"--not necessarily tall (Merriam Webster: "warrior" implying mighty and strong). There are plenty of shorter women who are "Amazons" and some who are not. I think she meant it in the figure of speech way. I am tall too. That said, I wish I were an Amazon!!
Its a shame but from what you've said, it looks like you are on your own. She certaintlyisnt the first parent to have favorites & blinders on. Ever read Jane Austen's Sense & Sensibility? Exactly the same situation 200 years ago.
Were you married 10 years? If so,you are entitled 1/2 the ex's benefit.
Yes, I was married over 10 years BUT he was much younger than me and I couldn't collect on HIS till he's at least 62 himself. That's another 10 years. I don't even think about that. Two of my ex's have passed away but I wasn't married to either of them long enough to collect on theirs either. I am simply going to have to be "creative" and make it on my own.
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But, it will help you.
That said, I wish I were an Amazon!!
