San Francisco v. New York (or other options) for African-American female (San Diego: transplants, to live)

[MauiPartTimer]

Originally Posted by trueblueshea

Also, you guys are obviously mistaken, I think San Francisco (as a city, not as the individuals like yourself comprising it) would like to have a competent, highly-educated, attractive, young black woman in an actual tech position--which is probably why they are paying me so much when I mentioned I had offers other places. I was even contemplating Kansas City. According to my friends who live and work there currently, there is a shortage of black people, women, and attractive people.

None of those qualities mean a thing if the person is also an argumentative, conceited know-it-all.

[trueblueshea]

According to my friends who live and work there currently, there is a shortage of black people, women, and attractive people.

'There' was actually referring to San Francisco NOT Kansas City. Antecedent was wrong...sorry.
There are black people in Kansas City, definitely women and they have gorgeous midwestern men and women. I can't say the same about the Bay Area though.

As evidenced by these posts I guess if you're a feisty gay non-black male, the Bay Area is a great place to live. As there is racism towards blacks and a lack of women. Although, even with that, I think Cambridge, MA would be better.

[NewbiePoster]

Originally Posted by trueblueshea

'There' was actually referring to San Francisco NOT Kansas City. Antecedent was wrong...sorry.
There are black people in Kansas City, definitely women and they have gorgeous midwestern men and women. I can't say the same about the Bay Area though.

As evidenced by these posts I guess if you're a feisty gay non-black male, the Bay Area is a great place to live. As there is racism towards blacks and a lack of women. Although, even with that, I think Cambridge, MA would be better.

Way to go, OP. Sight unseen, you just dissed the black members of our forum here. But your mind is made up, it sounds like, so, godspeed. I hope you find the city and social environment you're looking for.

[ohhwanderlust]

Originally Posted by trueblueshea

I am responding to multiple comments

This self-righteous attitude. How is this different from the white nerdy "brogrammers" residing in San Francisco? Who make false assumptions about certain groups of people and run with it.

Also the Willie Mays == Willie Brown mixup was ridiculous on my part. lmao.
There was a time when San Francisco was 13-15% African-American. The crime was lower because people weren't pigeon-holed into a district because of mass gentrification. I do not know how dangerous Tenderloin actually is. It could be as dangerous as Harlem--which to naive and wide-eyed Californians seems overly dangerous--but really is not that dangerous at all. And this is coming from someone who grew up in an extremely sheltered neighborhood.

Also for the people who keep advocating for Oakland (O4kl4nd). Please stop! I have been to the Bay Area far more than once (probably more than you guys have been other places) and I have been to Oakland plenty of times. One of my parent's jobs requires they fly up to San Francisco once every month and has friends who own restaurants and buildings. The living costs in the surrounding areas are lower yes, but they are not nearly as beautiful as San Francisco. I wouldn't live in Cupertino, Sunnyvale, etc, either because I find it extremely boring. I can make compromises but if the place is not absolutely gorgeous I need a lot of activities around. The Bay Area lacks activity, whereas San Francisco doesn't. I have friends who complain they are bored and they switch jobs in the hopes it will solve their boredom. There are gorgeous places in Bay Area but they are not "that" close to Silicon Valley. And yes I'm spoiled because I am saying this as I sit in a loft in La Jolla.

The weather in the Bay Area is better the Northwest? Okay. But it's far from great. (Like I have right now in SD). I had lived in Seattle for 3 whole years, that's why I am an advocate for Seattle. Seattle is an extremely diverse city. I couldn't go downtown or to Pike's without seeing a multitude of races. In terms of dating in Seattle, I never had a problem, every time I went out just to get groceries or clothing men would approach me, it was the same in New York. These were men of different races. East Asian included.

Also, you guys are obviously mistaken, I think San Francisco (as a city, not as the individuals like yourself comprising it) would like to have a competent, highly-educated, attractive, young black woman in an actual tech position--which is probably why they are paying me so much when I mentioned I had offers other places. I was even contemplating Kansas City. According to my friends who live and work there currently, there is a shortage of black people, women, and attractive people.

Wow, you seem like a delight.

You obviously asked a question expecting people to tell you exactly what you want to hear, so while you're up on that high horse of yours, go on and trot off to wherever you will. It's not like SF needs more people anyway.

[Ruth4Truth]

OK, so, OP, you like San Diego's weather, but you don't like San Diego? Or there aren't the kind of job opportunities you want there? You liked dating in NYC, but you don't want to go there? Why? Because it's not SD weather? (I don't blame you, haha!) And Seattle? You did ok there, but is it the weather again? (OK, I must say, I don't blame you for that, either, lol! I'm surprised you had a good social life there, though, but maybe Seattle men come out of their shell for someone exceptional.) Someone suggested Atlanta, how does that sound? They say there's a budding tech sector there.

[Nikki6]

Originally Posted by BajanYankee

The Bay Area seems most different from NYC in that Whites and Asians seem more receptive to dating and socializing with Black people. On the East Coast, I just always assumed that Asians never interacted with Black people anywhere (or any race other than Whites). Then when I visited a friend in California and saw that he had an Asian girlfriend (and some of her friends were also dating Black guys), I was like "Wow! You can do that?" But the downside, I guess, is that you don't have that strong concentration of younger Black professionals.

After reading your post, I gave it some thought and realized that I rarely see Asian guys with black women but I do see Asian girls with black guys. That's very odd, I wonder why is that so.

[likealady]

FWIW, yes the Bay Area is diverse, but ethnicities don't seem mingle much. Most groups tend to stick with their own kind. I always wondered why that was. On the East Coast it didn't seem as prominent.

[drive carephilly]

I'm relatively new to the Bay Area. I grew up in the NYC suburbs and lived in Philly for a long while and know that part of the country really well. I've also been to CA a lot, especially over the last 10 years.

My immediate observations re: all of the OP's grumbling is that 1) people from SoCal routinely overstate the superiority of the weather down there. Sure, parts of SF and Daly City can be windy, cold and gray quite often but the East Bay and South Bay have much different weather.

2) It's the west coast. There aren't a lot of black people here and that's just the history of the place. No one goes to Minnesota looking to find a big african-american population in the same way that no one goes to Kansas expecting to find neighborhoods full of italian-americans.

3)The Bay Area is a genuinely diverse place and not just in who lives here or even where they live but there's actually a melting pot here. I've seen a lot of the US and western world in general and, outside of some Caribbean countries it's rare to see as many mixed race people as you do here - especially in the East Bay. The Northeast is also diverse but it's still more of a salad bowl than a melting pot.

[GalacticDragonfly]

Originally Posted by trueblueshea

I have spent a while in New York, therefore, I am aware of the culture. I was raised in a suburban area of Southern California where I wouldn't say people were vehemently racist, but they were extremely narrow-minded (but this narrow-mindedness wasn't restricted to race). I have since then lived in different urban areas, and I don't see it as an option to live anywhere else, until I settle down.

Unfortunately (or fortunately), I need to spend this summer in San Francisco for a software internship and will contemplate whether or not to extend my stay. I went up to SF last summer and there were probably about 10 black people I counted in the city (not including myself) which seemed "off". The difference is in New York, if I was in China Town or Little Italy, or in the middle of Wall St I wouldn't feel that weird or weird at all. Even in Boston (apparently the most racist city) I didn't feel uncomfortable being black. I don't know what to make of San Francisco anymore. I had friends who just visited this past week and have commented the city has turned into "bro"grammers and self-righteous UX designers who think they are "making a difference"...all the while contributing to the mass gentrification (although Brooklyn and now Harlem are not much different in this regard). That San Francisco is "not what it used to be." I want to be surrounded my people who are extremely passionate in what they do and focus more on actually making a difference instead bragging and claiming they do.

I do not have the luxury of not thinking about race when moving to San Francisco. I am concerned about dating options. I know I am very physically attractive; in New York, Boston, Seattle, Los Angeles I never had any problems. However, I have heard from friends that the guys really only like Asian women and white women. Also, I don't want to be known as "the black friend."

At this point, I am wondering if there any other cities people can recommend for software, besides the ones I have mentioned.

Just curious, as a black programmer myself although Bay Area native, do people who visit San Francisco (to live) normally just look within the City itself? Are you not aware that Oakland exists or...? I mean, in New York, do you only look around Manhattan for black people? Ignoring black areas of San Francisco like, Bayview-HP, Fillmore, and Visitation valley, why not take a quick subway ride 4 minutes across the bay to Oakland, the city with the highest average black income in the country.

It's like, right there. It's so strange when black people come on City-Data and complain about the lack of black people in San Francisco, yes indeed it's a very expensive city and most blacks don't live in the middle/affluent areas, but the "Bay Area", is not just San Francisco, especially if you're working in Silicon Valley. You want black people, go live in Oakland. But it's not the East Coast or SoCal, race is frequent in that it's protested about a lot, but it's more abstract than anything. On the East Coast or in Southern California, race undercuts a lot of dialogue, but in the Bay Area, your skills and abilities are far superior to most than your race.

[bigdumbgod]

Originally Posted by trueblueshea

I think San Francisco (as a city, not as the individuals like yourself comprising it) would like to have a competent, highly-educated, attractive, young black woman in an actual tech position--which is probably why they are paying me so much when I mentioned I had offers other places.

Absolutely charming!
C'mon SF, you can't go on without this one dawdling around the Marina in stilettos as the sun rises on your beautiful edifice, can you? Because if you think you somehow can manage without, we just might have to determine that this one may, in fact, find the sort of grace and humility demonstrated in these pages across many points out East. We wish her only the best.