Lonely in Seattle (Vashon, Sequim: house, find a job, YMCA)

[joyinthejourney]

I just moved here from CA about 6 months ago and so far I dont have a single friend. It's depressing. Where can I find some friends? Or even just one friend? I go to a church here. No friends there. I don't work. That might be a part of the problem. I didn't realize it'd be so lonely here.

[dicecobb]

Vanessa Ho (seattle pi) gives some reasons why Seattle is one of the most lonely places on Earth here:

1 - seattlepi.com

Sorry Seattle Sucks. Good luck.

[tobester]

Originally Posted by dicecobb

Vanessa Ho (seattle pi) gives some reasons why Seattle is one of the most lonely places on Earth here:

1 - seattlepi.com

Sorry Seattle Sucks. Good luck.

That's real helpful ... not!

Did you have the same problems in California? If not, how did you find friends there ... try the same things. Have you tried on-line meet/greet sites, singles clubs, join a YMCA, take a class on something that interests you ... there have to be friends out there for you.

[sean98125]

Find a job or volunteer doing something you enjoy. My mom moved to Sequim when she retired and found friends by volunteering with a few different organizations. She became active in her church groups and volunteered at the church's school and got to know people that way. When I've lived in new places I've found new friends at work, and eventually met others through the networks of friends that they had. My wife's best friend today is someone she was a post-doc intern with 15 years ago, and neither of them knew anyone when they moved here.

If you're an introvert it's the best way I know of to make friends. If you are on disability of some sort and can't work you can still make friends if you volunteer. Most hospitals are happy to have a volunteer who is willing to work 20 hours a week, and most museums are looking for volunteer help as well.

[mateo45]

Originally Posted by dicecobb

Vanessa Ho (seattle pi) gives some reasons why Seattle is one of the most lonely places on Earth here:

1 - seattlepi.com

Sorry Seattle Sucks. Good luck.

Good article…. although sh-h-h!, you know we don't like to talk about those kinda thangs here!

Geez, if you think it's bad in Seattle, try Vashon Island! When I first moved there and hardly knew anyone, would see the same folks everyday commuting on the ferry, and we often had some of the most amazing and in-depth conversations… or at least as much as possible within a 20 minute ferry ride. So I actually got to know a lot of people that way and in a very short while. But my first 'clue' that something was amiss, was one day running into several of these very same folks on the street in downtown Vashon… and though we obviously saw each other, they would clearly look the other way and ignore me as they walked by (WTF)?! Or as someone later remarked, that you could know people on Vashon for years, but actually getting invited to dinner in their homes was huge!

Years later moved over to the Seattle 'mainland', where I recognized similar 'inclinations', though to a much lesser degree. Like my fav incident a woman friend once told me, where she had invited a female acquaintance to coffee, and was told, in these words, "no thanks, I'm all full up on friends right now"!!

[GatsbyGatz]

How do you expect to make friends if you don't have a job? What are you expecting, people walking down the street to just go up to you and say, "oh please be my friend, stranger!" Are you in school or what? What do you do with your time? If you don't have a job, hobby, or any interests, then the problem with finding friends seems to be a personal matter.

People living here, like anywhere else, already have friends. You have to be the active party in making friends and show an interest in other people; i.e., join a club and ask someone for their phone number and tell them you want to hang out.

It's not just Seattle; every time you move you will have to reform a new circle of friends. I suggest you learn basic friend-making strategies as soon as possible as to avoid future aggravation. Making friends is as simple as starting up a random conversation with someone and saying, "hey, I moved here sort of recently so I'm not that familiar with the area, want to meet up for lunch/a drink later?" Abra kadabra, you have a friend. It's not that hard.

[Molli]

In addition to the suggestions of the other posters, I'd also suggest that you try a new church. Churches should be welcoming, especially to newcombers.

[mateo45]

Originally Posted by GatsbyGatz

How do you expect to make friends if you don't have a job? What are you expecting, people walking down the street to just go up to you and say, "oh please be my friend, stranger!" Are you in school or what? What do you do with your time? If you don't have a job, hobby, or any interests, then the problem with finding friends seems to be a personal matter.

People living here, like anywhere else, already have friends. You have to be the active party in making friends and show an interest in other people; i.e., join a club and ask someone for their phone number and tell them you want to hang out.

It's not just Seattle; every time you move you will have to reform a new circle of friends. I suggest you learn basic friend-making strategies as soon as possible as to avoid future aggravation. Making friends is as simple as starting up a random conversation with someone and saying, "hey, I moved here sort of recently so I'm not that familiar with the area, want to meet up for lunch/a drink later?" Abra kadabra, you have a friend. It's not that hard.

No offense, but apparently you just moved to Seattle, so while your "enthusiasm" is swell, isn't it just a tad early to be casually (and forcefully) dismissing the impressions of another newcomer like yourself?

[BATCAT]

Originally Posted by joyinthejourney

I just moved here from CA about 6 months ago and so far I dont have a single friend. It's depressing. Where can I find some friends? Or even just one friend? I go to a church here. No friends there. I don't work. That might be a part of the problem. I didn't realize it'd be so lonely here.

Hi there! You say don't work... you don't mention what you do do other than go to church. What do you like to do? Are there any activities you are interested in or might develop an interest in that might lead to more social ties?

This time of year I find many people are either inside or hurrying on their way to get inside- it's not a great time to just walk out of your house and expect to make new acquaintances. Your best bets are group activities, classes, volunteering, that kind of thing.

[flyingsaucermom]

I agree with the posts above in that you have to, in Dori's (as in Finding Nemo) terms, "just keep swimming". Think of life as a huge experiment where you are constantly recalibrating. You do have to put yourself in situation where you'll find friends. Church and occupation are really big for that, but it's not the only way.

I've been here three years in May and I'm not sure I would quite say we have friends either, but only because I'm not sure what it means to have a friend. Some people throw that word around really loosely... I'm so-and-so's friend even though they don't know basic and open facts about me. I would say I have a ton of acquaintances though. And honestly, I'm okay with having it that way: It's really neighborly and I believe I could even count on some if I found myself in a real pickle.

I slowly built them up by volunteering (my occupation). If you are crazy about church then step up and join one of their programs... most are in need of volunteers and would love to have you. Don't give into the idea that it's Seattle (there are plenty that will tell you it is).