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Some people are very non-confrontational and they will lead someone on rather than hurt them or have an awkward conversation. They don't get it that just being upfront and honest (but kind) is the most respectful thing they can do. It sounds like that's what happened in this case. At least she was honest at the end of the date, which is better than leaving you hanging.
In the future, I would recommend a much shorter date - dinner - that allows for the woman (or you!) to have an "out" in case things just aren't going to work out. Plan that one thing, and make the most of it. If she wants to see you again, you will have set yourself up for a second date that will be much less high-pressure and more enjoyable! Or if the two of you aren't ready to say goodbye after that dinner/lunch, you can do what my now-husband and I did and go to a movie or something else on the fly.
Wow... I am pretty irritated with her. She had to have known that you were "interested". I am so mad that she didn't somehow find the time to let you know (during the other times you were hanging out) that she had a "thing" for Asian men.
I feel that she wasted your time. She should NEVER have agreed to go on a DATE. But, rather, made it clear that she was not interested in you romantically, but would be up for a day hanging out together. That way, you would not have invested so much effort and hoping it would "go your way".
You do have a healthy attitude though. You sound like a very nice young man.
Some people are very non-confrontational and they will lead someone on rather than hurt them or have an awkward conversation. They don't get it that just being upfront and honest (but kind) is the most respectful thing they can do. It sounds like that's what happened in this case. At least she was honest at the end of the date, which is better than leaving you hanging.
In the future, I would recommend a much shorter date - dinner - that allows for the woman (or you!) to have an "out" in case things just aren't going to work out. Plan that one thing, and make the most of it. If she wants to see you again, you will have set yourself up for a second date that will be much less high-pressure and more enjoyable! Or if the two of you aren't ready to say goodbye after that dinner/lunch, you can do what my now-husband and I did and go to a movie or something else on the fly.
I only planned a "day date" because we both knew the weather was going to be superb and we wanted to spend as much time with one another. It wasn't until I mentioned setting up a second date until things became increasingly odd. We've known each other and have hung out (as friends and kind of a "pseudo" date a while back) so we are very comfortable around one another and after I brought up the second date, she knew I wanted to be a couple... and then that's when she mentioned the whole Asian thing.
When I asked if she could look past my skin color (oh god, am I living in 2014 or the 1800s?) she informed me she wanted Asian children. Honestly, I don't know what else to say about that. But as you mentioned early about shorter dates, I typically do, this was the one exception to the rule! Won't make that same mistake!
Wow... I am pretty irritated with her. She had to have known that you were "interested". I am so mad that she didn't somehow find the time to let you know (during the other times you were hanging out) that she had a "thing" for Asian men.
I feel that she wasted your time. She should NEVER have agreed to go on a DATE. But, rather, made it clear that she was not interested in you romantically, but would be up for a day hanging out together. That way, you would not have invested so much effort and hoping it would "go your way".
You do have a healthy attitude though. You sound like a very nice young man.
Haha well thank you very much! Trust me, after she dropped the bomb, we both didn't talk the rest of the date and had a mild argument over texting, discussing leading people on and being selfish. At least I gave it a good shot! The only thing that kinda worries is I work her... oh boy.
When I asked if she could look past my skin color (oh god, am I living in 2014 or the 1800s?) she informed me she wanted Asian children.
Ugh! She sounds very immature. This reminds me of something a high school or college girl would say ("Awwwww! You guys would have such cute mixed-race babies!"). Like they're a designer dog.
She only likes Asian guys, and she only went out with you (and kicked you to the curb afterwards) to be "fair"? WTF?! I don't believe that for a minute. Did you really do an all-day date, from 9 a.m. to past dinner? You may have overwhelmed her. You gave her the all-mdiocedo channel, all the time on that day (and evening). You gave her plenty of time to get tired of you, and to start finding fault with you. Instead of doing a couple of cool things, and ending on a high note, leaving her wanting more for next time.
That's how I see it. It was overkill. Nobody does nearly a 12-hr. date for a 1st date. Unless it happens spontaneously after both people see that things are really clicking. But nobody plans a 12-hr. 1st date in advance. You got carried away with your planning, and with your hots for her, man. Call it a lesson learned, and do better next time.
She only likes Asian guys, and she only went out with you (and kicked you to the curb afterwards) to be "fair"? WTF?! I don't believe that for a minute. Did you really do an all-day date, from 9 a.m. to past dinner? You may have overwhelmed her. You gave her the all-mdiocedo channel, all the time on that day (and evening). You gave her plenty of time to get tired of you, and to start finding fault with you. Instead of doing a couple of cool things, and ending on a high note, leaving her wanting more for next time.
That's how I see it. It was overkill. Nobody does nearly a 12-hr. date for a 1st date. Unless it happens spontaneously after both people see that things are really clicking. But nobody plans a 12-hr. 1st date in advance. You got carried away with your planning, and with your hots for her, man. Call it a lesson learned, and do better next time.
You must not have read my previous posts. Ugh. Let me explain a few more things in greater detail. A while back (June) we dated for a few weeks and everything was going great… until suddenly, she informed me she didn’t find me attractive. When I questioned her on this, she explained to me she just found Asian men far more attractive than any other race. Also, she found white children to be “creepy” versus Asian babies that are typically (to her) are very adorable.
This should have been my first *hint* to never bother with this woman, however we had so much in common and she “fit the bill” for a lot of things I find attractive, so we remained friends. Until recently, she informed me she has been seeing other men and knew I was seeing other woman. She thought it had been enough time for us to “try again” and I was more than willing to give it another shot, considering one of the reasons my past relationships (after her) kept failing is I kept comparing all other woman towards her.
So she asked me out, and informed me that because I was the guy, I should plan the date and we should go out all day to “catch up” and enjoy one another’s company… and I completely agreed. So we went out, had a great time and when I mentioned a second date and discussed with her if she was ready to try another relationship with me, she informed me once more she only finds Asian men attractive and white people very plain and boring. When I confronted her about the logic behind this, she really didn’t have any. She informed those are the kind of guys she wants and refuses to date another “boring” white guy. Alright.
Now, the reason I thought she asked me out was based on the idea she was over this “Asian Fetish” of hers and realized I was a pretty awesome guy (or at least what I think haha) and I shouldn’t be judged based on my skin color… you know… maybe judge me based on my character. But I was wrong. So very wrong… so good sir, I do agree with you, that would have been too much for a “normal” first date. But this wasn’t a normal first date and this woman isn’t very normal to begin with. Trust me on that.
Anyways, I was the fool to think someone could have changed their beliefs but I was willing to give it another shot! At least I got some great ideas out of you guys!
Ugh! She sounds very immature. This reminds me of something a high school or college girl would say ("Awwwww! You guys would have such cute mixed-race babies!"). Like they're a designer dog.
Hahaha I never thought about it that way! Thank you for the laugh! It's so odd, you think it would be easy to get over someone so insane, but it's becoming increasingly more difficult.
And this is why you NEVER date coworkers my friends.
You must not have read my previous posts. Ugh. Let me explain a few more things in greater detail. A while back (June) we dated for a few weeks and everything was going great… until suddenly, she informed me she didn’t find me attractive. When I questioned her on this, she explained to me she just found Asian men far more attractive than any other race. Also, she found white children to be “creepy” versus Asian babies that are typically (to her) are very adorable.
This should have been my first *hint* to never bother with this woman, however we had so much in common and she “fit the bill” for a lot of things I find attractive, so we remained friends. Until recently, she informed me she has been seeing other men and knew I was seeing other woman. She thought it had been enough time for us to “try again” and I was more than willing to give it another shot, considering one of the reasons my past relationships (after her) kept failing is I kept comparing all other woman towards her.
So she asked me out, and informed me that because I was the guy, I should plan the date and we should go out all day to “catch up” and enjoy one another’s company… and I completely agreed. So we went out, had a great time and when I mentioned a second date and discussed with her if she was ready to try another relationship with me, she informed me once more she only finds Asian men attractive and white people very plain and boring. When I confronted her about the logic behind this, she really didn’t have any. She informed those are the kind of guys she wants and refuses to date another “boring” white guy. Alright.
Now, the reason I thought she asked me out was based on the idea she was over this “Asian Fetish” of hers and realized I was a pretty awesome guy (or at least what I think haha) and I shouldn’t be judged based on my skin color… you know… maybe judge me based on my character. But I was wrong. So very wrong… so good sir, I do agree with you, that would have been too much for a “normal” first date. But this wasn’t a normal first date and this woman isn’t very normal to begin with. Trust me on that.
Anyways, I was the fool to think someone could have changed their beliefs but I was willing to give it another shot! At least I got some great ideas out of you guys!
You must not have read my previous posts. Ugh. Let me explain a few more things in greater detail. A while back (June) we dated for a few weeks and everything was going great… until suddenly, she informed me she didn’t find me attractive. When I questioned her on this, she explained to me she just found Asian men far more attractive than any other race. Also, she found white children to be “creepy” versus Asian babies that are typically (to her) are very adorable.
This should have been my first *hint* to never bother with this woman, however we had so much in common and she “fit the bill” for a lot of things I find attractive, so we remained friends. Until recently, she informed me she has been seeing other men and knew I was seeing other woman. She thought it had been enough time for us to “try again” and I was more than willing to give it another shot, considering one of the reasons my past relationships (after her) kept failing is I kept comparing all other woman towards her.
So she asked me out, and informed me that because I was the guy, I should plan the date and we should go out all day to “catch up” and enjoy one another’s company… and I completely agreed. So we went out, had a great time and when I mentioned a second date and discussed with her if she was ready to try another relationship with me, she informed me once more she only finds Asian men attractive and white people very plain and boring. When I confronted her about the logic behind this, she really didn’t have any. She informed those are the kind of guys she wants and refuses to date another “boring” white guy. Alright.
Now, the reason I thought she asked me out was based on the idea she was over this “Asian Fetish” of hers and realized I was a pretty awesome guy (or at least what I think haha) and I shouldn’t be judged based on my skin color… you know… maybe judge me based on my character. But I was wrong. So very wrong… so good sir, I do agree with you, that would have been too much for a “normal” first date. But this wasn’t a normal first date and this woman isn’t very normal to begin with. Trust me on that.
Anyways, I was the fool to think someone could have changed their beliefs but I was willing to give it another shot! At least I got some great ideas out of you guys!
And it's not like you could have said " I've converted now. Now I'm Asian."
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