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Jenijoy, your words come across as unkind and are not appreciated. It sounds like you're "kicking someone when they're down". Sunshine Girl was being honest and even apologized for her negativity. She doesn't deserve to be made to feel worse. I understand that sometimes words come across worse in print because our tone and facial expressions are missing and can't offer their emotion so if I am wrong, please clarify your comments. I will gladly apologize. I just had to say something since I love this group because of its friendliness and wanted to nip any perceived meanness in the bud.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jenijoy
Mrs. G,
I understand your response to my rude comments to Sunshine Girl. It lacked character and compassion. But please try to understand where I am coming from too. I am a smoker. A smoker who can't seem to kick the habit. I have tried and tried but so far have been very unsuccessful. All the while more and more people treat me as if I were a criminal. I realize that it is a discusting habit but I am always considerate towards others with my smoking. I always smoke outside or in my truck. If there are others around outside, I always remain a good enough distance away so that the others don't have to smell the stinch. I never smoke in restaurants even though some still have smoking sections. Dispite all my efforts to be as polite as possible I am still riduculed and judged. I am not a mean person but I am tired of being looked at as a nucense to society. I am a hard worker, a devoted wife and an honest friend. I guess when Sunshine girl refered to "smokers and bad drivers" as being an issue with her life in Missouri, I lost it. I just needed to get it off of my chest. It is hurtful when others turn their nose up to you for something like this.
I grew up in a wealthy community ("old money" from the east) where the people found themselves above or better than everyone else in the world. Even as a child I recognized the snobby, heartless actions of the adults around me towards others who they felt were beneath them for not having money or towards the families that needed two incomes. Many seemed to feel that women are not supposed to work unless they are low class citizens. As an adult, I am now seeing that same frame of mind being directed towards people who smoke. Unfortunately, this has become a sore spot for me.
It was horrible what I said to Sunshine Girl but her comment wasn't all SUNSHINE and roses for me either. Funny, being such caring person (at least that is how you come off to me, Mrs. G) that you would look right past the remark that was made about a large percentage of the population and defend one woman. She did apologize for her negativity but she did not apologize for offending anyone. As a smoker, I may develope lung cancer or throat cancer or even emphysema. Do I really deserve to be made to feel even worse about it?
Please do not apologize to me for anything. I deserved the response that I received from you. I was wrong. But I do still feel that Sunshine Girl was out of line. Your right, this is a great, friendly group. It really suprised me that I would find such a comment here. Please try to understand that the mean response I sent to her was just that - a rude response to a rude comment. I promise to keep my negative opinions to myself in the future. I would hope that others would do the same.
I apologize.
Jenijoy...your comments really touch my heart. We DO live in a society which treats smokers as second class citizens. It is a horribly addicting vice, and the biggest crime is that the tobacco companies are allowed to do things to their product that makes it even more addicting.
I went through a lung-ectomy with someone I really loved.
One of my best girlfriends is currently undergoing chemo AND radiation at the same time because she was recently diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer.
Another of my closest friends is desperately trying anything to quit, including all the drugs and everything.
I could go on.
My heart aches for you.
Thank you for being so open, so transparent in this forum.
I, too, have been guilty of having a "sore spot" hit by a comment someone made here without meaning to offend.
Words, once said, are difficult to take back.
(Especially once they're written down and you get past the 90 minute get-out-of-jail-free card...)
I, for one, and I know the rest of the gang would agree, would love to see you remain an active part of this forum. There is a great capacity for forgive-and-forget around here.
Right, gang?
BTW...a good friend who DID quit told me a trick: He switched to "natural" cigarettes from the Just For Him store in Springfield and then gradually tapered off from there. So the extra addictive things added by the tobacco companies weren't there complicating his efforts. Just FYI.
Jenijoy...your comments really touch my heart. We DO live in a society which treats smokers as second class citizens. It is a horribly addicting vice, and the biggest crime is that the tobacco companies are allowed to do things to their product that makes it even more addicting.
I went through a lung-ectomy with someone I really loved.
One of my best girlfriends is currently undergoing chemo AND radiation at the same time because she was recently diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer.
Another of my closest friends is desperately trying anything to quit, including all the drugs and everything.
I could go on.
My heart aches for you.
Thank you for being so open, so transparent in this forum.
I, too, have been guilty of having a "sore spot" hit by a comment someone made here without meaning to offend.
Words, once said, are difficult to take back.
(Especially once they're written down and you get past the 90 minute get-out-of-jail-free card...)
I, for one, and I know the rest of the gang would agree, would love to see you remain an active part of this forum. There is a great capacity for forgive-and-forget around here.
Right, gang?
BTW...a good friend who DID quit told me a trick: He switched to "natural" cigarettes from the Just For Him store in Springfield and then gradually tapered off from there. So the extra addictive things added by the tobacco companies weren't there complicating his efforts. Just FYI.
L.J.,
Thank you so much for your encouraging words. I had been trying to decide whether or not to respond to Mrs. G for quite some time now. She seems like a very compassionate person but she was right...I was out of line.
I did not expect someone else to respond. Thank you so much for understanding what I was trying to express. Thanks for the tip as well. I will switch to a natural brand immediately. I am always willing to try, ya know?
Thank you so much for your encouraging words. I had been trying to decide whether or not to respond to Mrs. G for quite some time now. She seems like a very compassionate person but she was right...I was out of line.
I did not expect someone else to respond. Thank you so much for understanding what I was trying to express. Thanks for the tip as well. I will switch to a natural brand immediately. I am always willing to try, ya know?
Hi jenijoy! FWIW, I am the poster boy for a stoopid reaction to a coupla posts and I'm fortunate enough to have been forgiven or at the very least not taken out behind the woodshed, by the good folks here in the MO forum
MrsG rocks and the more you come 'round here the quicker you'll see what I mean
As far as the issue of smoking is concerned...I don't and never have but have several friends that do. It really irritates me when people start ganging up on anyone that is doing something that is perfectly legal. No matter what you enjoy, eventually some nanny group will come along and tell you it's bad and try and demonize ya. It's funny how the only "infraction" I have received here on City-Data was due to a spirited little discussion with someone in the "politics" forum. One of those mamby-pamby types that was trying to sell people on the idea to find new ways to screw with smokers.
I do have a good friend that has smoked for nearly 40 years and she decided a few months ago to try those "Commit" lozenges. She could not believe how well they worked and she has no desire to smoke again. She got her mom to try them and after smoking for 60 years she was able to quit too!! Don't know if it would help you or not but certainly something to think about.
Just know jenijoy...that this forum moves slowly and is inhabited by folk who have LIVES...and therefore may not have time to check back as oft as I...who have none!
The girls will be around, no doubt, as their hubbies and kiddies and jobbies permit.
No jelousy here.
Last edited by Lake Junkie; 08-27-2007 at 08:36 PM..
Location: Moved to town. Miss 'my' woods and critters.
25,464 posts, read 13,575,909 times
Reputation: 31765
Springfield Missouri, one of my most favorite places in this state. Wanted to move to Springfield many years ago. Sent a letter (pre-computer/internet days) requesting information. Chamber of Commerce and such. Couldn't talk my DH into moving. Continued to receive mailings for many years after tho'. Whenever my profession, hmmmm, has taken me to Springfield for continuing ed classes and such, have never had an unpleasant experience.
My youngest son attended SWMO for a few years, giving me another chance to visit. Great place. Always found friendliness.
Yes, smoking is a habit to try to put aside. Unfortunately, I did the nasty deed for a few years. My hubby and I decided one day, when it was either groceries and wine and beer OR cigarettes, that we would forgo the cartons of nicotine.
Cold Turkey, as they say. Whew. It was not easy, but we did it. Of course I cheated and took it up again, when I was bowling on 2 different teams. Everyone else smoked!!! So, why shouldn't I? I asked myself and myself replied, sure, go ahead and light up.....me did. for a few additional months and then back to the freezing flying feathered friend. But I did it!!!
Been at least ----years now, Do not miss it one iota. I know how hard it is to begin a new way of life! Sympathy is there for anyone attempting to BEGIN a new chapter. Do not like to really use the word quit. That is a negative connotation. Use begin, instead. Good luck to anyone in this situation.
I understand your response to my rude comments to Sunshine Girl. It lacked character and compassion. But please try to understand where I am coming from too. I am a smoker. A smoker who can't seem to kick the habit. I have tried and tried but so far have been very unsuccessful. All the while more and more people treat me as if I were a criminal. I realize that it is a discusting habit but I am always considerate towards others with my smoking. I always smoke outside or in my truck. If there are others around outside, I always remain a good enough distance away so that the others don't have to smell the stinch. I never smoke in restaurants even though some still have smoking sections. Dispite all my efforts to be as polite as possible I am still riduculed and judged. I am not a mean person but I am tired of being looked at as a nucense to society. I am a hard worker, a devoted wife and an honest friend. I guess when Sunshine girl refered to "smokers and bad drivers" as being an issue with her life in Missouri, I lost it. I just needed to get it off of my chest. It is hurtful when others turn their nose up to you for something like this.
I grew up in a wealthy community ("old money" from the east) where the people found themselves above or better than everyone else in the world. Even as a child I recognized the snobby, heartless actions of the adults around me towards others who they felt were beneath them for not having money or towards the families that needed two incomes. Many seemed to feel that women are not supposed to work unless they are low class citizens. As an adult, I am now seeing that same frame of mind being directed towards people who smoke. Unfortunately, this has become a sore spot for me.
It was horrible what I said to Sunshine Girl but her comment wasn't all SUNSHINE and roses for me either. Funny, being such caring person (at least that is how you come off to me, Mrs. G) that you would look right past the remark that was made about a large percentage of the population and defend one woman. She did apologize for her negativity but she did not apologize for offending anyone. As a smoker, I may develope lung cancer or throat cancer or even emphysema. Do I really deserve to be made to feel even worse about it?
Please do not apologize to me for anything. I deserved the response that I received from you. I was wrong. But I do still feel that Sunshine Girl was out of line. Your right, this is a great, friendly group. It really suprised me that I would find such a comment here. Please try to understand that the mean response I sent to her was just that - a rude response to a rude comment. I promise to keep my negative opinions to myself in the future. I would hope that others would do the same.
I apologize.
I'm so glad you decided to "take the plunge" and write back on this, Jenijoy! I'm also grateful that you didn't take too much offense at what I said. When people are hurting at the level that I felt Sunshine was that day, that hurt can cause them to say things that reveal it in ways that sound quite bitter. I'm sure you understand because apparently, that's what happened with your response, as well. The bad part for you was your timing, I guess. It wasn't the time to address this issue that has hurt you so often and so deeply.
I am going to be very honest here and tell you that I feel kind of odd responding to your smoking issue simply because I used to smoke and don't anymore. I think it is important that I do respond, though, so I will. While I don't think I am hard on smokers, I do think I can make them uncomfortable. For that, I am sorry.
My story is that I smoked my first cigarette when I was 10 years old. Thanks to two older sisters who thought it was funny, my younger brother and sister, 8 & 6, were introduced to smoking, as well. My sister was in Kindergarten!!! I smoked off and on until 7th grade when I became a daily smoker. I was married young and my abusive husband (now, an ex, thank God!) made ME quit smoking whenever HE got the urge to quit. Well, I eventually got away from him and remarried at age 23. My current (and wonderful! ) husband and I decided to quit together during our first year of marriage. It was a mutual decision but I found it as hard as it ever was to quit. This time, however, once I was successful, I vowed never to go back no matter how much I wanted to! I NEVER wanted to go through quitting again! That gave me the strength to not go back every time I finished a meal or had a cup of coffee or something stressed me out...all BIG triggers to smoke and all DAILY EVENTS!
It's funny how time causes us to forget. That was over 25 years ago and I can't even remember that person that I was. The idea of holding a cigarette to my mouth is so foreign and just makes me laugh! I used to tell my kids (now grown, of course!) that we use the word "can't" too easily, that there were things I truly couldn't do but that others were just difficult. I told them that we may fail if we try but if we don't even try, we have a 100% chance of failure. This way of thinking has become part of who I am so I must say that I have probably made my smoking friends feel uncomfortable because I believe it can be done and they should just go for it! We don't always think about how others will "hear" what we've said. As a matter of fact, I don't even think we can always know, even if we try!
You certainly do sound like a considerate smoker and I, for one, am always grateful for that because over the years since I quit smoking, I have gotten horrible headaches from cigarette smoke! It also attests to what a thoughtful and sensitive person you (usually) are and how it must hurt when others are so unkind to you. You certainly have experienced a lot of judgment in your life! Unfortunately, what we have suffered from others often becomes a sore spot, causing us to perceive it and become offended even when no offense is intended.
I hope you will continue to join us here in the forum and look forward to hearing more from you in the future. Sunshine didn't come back for so long that I forgot her name. I recently began seeing her posts and wondering if she was new. Duh! I'm glad to see both of you back and know that you both have something to offer here in the forum. I hope to be one who also is able to give back to you both, as well!
Lately, I've been so busy that I have only gone back to threads I knew I'd posted in before. Sometimes, it's hard to remember if you just read a thread or if you posted in it. I'm glad I found my way back here today to read your post and be able to say, "Apology gratefully accepted!"
ooohh there go the cockles of my heart again warming on up!!
I used to smoke also. My husband and I both did. We quit together after our first child was born. However, not cold turkey. My way of ending my bad habits is to fool myself into thinking Im quitting cold turkey. Then I cheat a little here and there till I just dont need to anymore. You have to replace that desire with something. Smoking was the one thing that symbolized a break for me. Like o.k finally, Im home from work my day is done, time for a smoke. I needed something to symbolize an end to my work. A break. So I would cheat. Just one half of a cigarette. It bacame just one hit and then eventually one hit at my most greatest urges. Eventually I didnt need to cheat. It did take years to loose the urge but after not smoking for even 6 months straight when you take that first hit, Its bad tasting. Makes it easier not to do it again. My personnel experience. Its been 8 years for me now. I dont have a problem with smokers. In fact I wish they could invent a cigarette that smelt great and was good for your lungs. Would'nt that be great. Anyway, I use that method with every bad habit I have. I gave up sugar in my tea and most recently soda. That was hard also. Now I have to work on hmmmmm...... I'll give up chocolate before I give up an ice cold Bud Light.
We all have bad habits in one form or another. The way I see it, we all fall short in way or another. Wether its drugs, alcohol, abuse of others mentally or physically, it can be food or just your own thoughts, we all fall short. Who are any of us to judge. God knows our hearts. Only he knows. We all are judgemental, hypocrits. All of us in one way or another. Everytime Im in confrontation I search my soul and try to see where I can improve. especially with family. How hard is it to say sorry to your own husband or wife when your always ...right?
Jeni I thought it was awesome how you could feel anger and still have compassion at the same time thats not easy when you feel like your being targeted. Mrs G your response was a lesson to all in itself.
I love this Mo forum. The people here make you feel right at home. They are forgiving and full of good advice. Thier is always a friend here to speak to. I feel good here and hope I make others feel food as well. LOL! I mean good as well. I must be hungry!
I hope when I make a mistakes here you all feel free to let me have it. It will only wake me up and make me a better person if I handle it the right way. These last few posts are good examples of compassion, forgiveness and understanding. Actually you can find great examples all over the MO forum. I wish I could say it all in fewer words and make it sound like poetry like some people around here do. We can all learn lots from eachother. Given the chance.
Last edited by bentaxlecrew; 08-27-2007 at 11:55 PM..
Reason: My grammer needs some help!
I understand your response to my rude comments to Sunshine Girl. It lacked character and compassion. But please try to understand where I am coming from too. I am a smoker. A smoker who can't seem to kick the habit. I have tried and tried but so far have been very unsuccessful. All the while more and more people treat me as if I were a criminal. I realize that it is a discusting habit but I am always considerate towards others with my smoking. I always smoke outside or in my truck. If there are others around outside, I always remain a good enough distance away so that the others don't have to smell the stinch. I never smoke in restaurants even though some still have smoking sections. Dispite all my efforts to be as polite as possible I am still riduculed and judged. I am not a mean person but I am tired of being looked at as a nucense to society. I am a hard worker, a devoted wife and an honest friend. I guess when Sunshine girl refered to "smokers and bad drivers" as being an issue with her life in Missouri, I lost it. I just needed to get it off of my chest. It is hurtful when others turn their nose up to you for something like this.
I grew up in a wealthy community ("old money" from the east) where the people found themselves above or better than everyone else in the world. Even as a child I recognized the snobby, heartless actions of the adults around me towards others who they felt were beneath them for not having money or towards the families that needed two incomes. Many seemed to feel that women are not supposed to work unless they are low class citizens. As an adult, I am now seeing that same frame of mind being directed towards people who smoke. Unfortunately, this has become a sore spot for me.
It was horrible what I said to Sunshine Girl but her comment wasn't all SUNSHINE and roses for me either. Funny, being such caring person (at least that is how you come off to me, Mrs. G) that you would look right past the remark that was made about a large percentage of the population and defend one woman. She did apologize for her negativity but she did not apologize for offending anyone. As a smoker, I may develope lung cancer or throat cancer or even emphysema. Do I really deserve to be made to feel even worse about it?
Please do not apologize to me for anything. I deserved the response that I received from you. I was wrong. But I do still feel that Sunshine Girl was out of line. Your right, this is a great, friendly group. It really suprised me that I would find such a comment here. Please try to understand that the mean response I sent to her was just that - a rude response to a rude comment. I promise to keep my negative opinions to myself in the future. I would hope that others would do the same.
I apologize.
Hey there Jenijoy--I tend to frequent the St. Joseph, Missouri (my future home, God be willing) forums more often, as well as the St. Louis (my birthplace and where I grew up) forums, so I confess to being a bit of a latecomer to this thread. As you can see from my information, I currently live in Left Coast Gulch (aka 55 miles north of San Francisco, in Sonoma County), California. I'm not a smoker, but I sure have seen some of them treated very rudely and unfairly. Our state tobacco taxes are outrageous as well; and when you consider how utterly corrupt, incompetent, dysfunctional, hypocritical and immoral our California state government is (OK Northbayeric, so how do you REALLY feel about it?, and how it went on recess without agreeing to a budget that is still billions of dollars in red ink now that it passed nearly two months after the deadline, I'll just say that it is rather enjoying all the money it's collecting from smokers who have had their taxes raised so much. Mind you, very little of it is going toward meaningful anti-smoking programs, just as very little of our gasoline taxes are being spent for our roads and highways. So the tobacco companies are winning big, and so is the government.
So that's my rant against the CA state government. And when you think about the rude non-smokers who say and do these ignorant, mean things toward smokers--what are they thinking, that these remarks are going to make smokers quit any faster? No! It reinforces the idea that cigarettes are among their only friends left in life. I'm not singling out Sunshine Girl here; there are lots of people who have said and done much worse, she's sorry and we need to let go and move on.
OK. I should share with all of you that I lost my mom about 5 1/2 years ago to COPD (chronic obstructive pulmonary disease), which is an awful combination of asthma, emphysema and bronchitis. That's the bad news, along with the fact that she smoked heavily for many years. It got to the point where only the powerful corticosteroid drug known as prednisone could keep her lungs functioning--barely at that. They couldn't sufficiently provide enough oxygen to her body, and they couldn't expel enough carbon dioxide either. Now the good news, which I know you know is that if you can switch to a natural brand and then substitute other things for your hands to do other than handling cigarettes so that you can quit, your body will heal very markedly. My mom had much more energy the first time she quit smoking in December 1994. She could walk around a shopping mall without having to stop after a short distance to catch her breath. This was after she had smoked for about 45 years. For her, the Nicoderm CQ patches helped her the most. Maybe for you it will be the natural brand cigarettes that don't have nicotine--or at least a whole lot less of it.
Though I may live thousands of miles away, please be completely assured that neither I nor the rest of us here would ever turn our noses up at you, or have a lower opinion of you. "There but for the grace of God go I" as the saying goes; and I've got plenty of areas where I need to ask the good Lord to give me the strength to be a better man, a better brother, a better husband. You know what I mean? Areas of my life I need to work on. So we are all completely behind you in your effort to enjoy all that life has to offer. We will not betray or abandon you if you don't succeed in putting cigarettes behind you the first time. Or the second time. Or however many times it takes. Listen! If you check out the other forum thread here titled "Special Request from northbayeric," you'll see how we all pulled together with our thoughts, crossed fingers, and prayers to support StJoeFanatic in a very difficult situation she was in--not being able to sell her older house that she and her husband had devoted a tremendous amount of time, energy and money in restoring, and in danger of losing a frightening amount of money as a result. But it finally sold just a couple of weeks ago! They will now soon be able to relax much more and enjoy a nearly brand-new home that won't require so much energy to keep in good shape. Not to mention getting on a much-improved financial footing.
And we want to give you that same kind of support. Many of us here are what you could call "wounded healers," those of us who have been hit pretty hard over various circumstances--seeing my mom suffer and then pass away for example. I'm reminded of the saying, "For every crucifixion there's a resurrection," so while you're going to encounter turbulence--a big storm for awhile in trying to put nicotine behind you, it's going to be much better than it is right at this moment for you. And should you fall down, we'll pick you back up, OK? I'm glad I came back to this forum thread, and apologize for the long post here. Thanks for reading the whole thing!
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Sunshine Girl was being honest and even apologized for her negativity. She doesn't deserve to be made to feel worse. I understand that sometimes words come across worse in print because our tone and facial expressions are missing and can't offer their emotion so if I am wrong, please clarify your comments. I will gladly apologize. I just had to say something since I love this group because of its friendliness and wanted to nip any perceived meanness in the bud.
Thank you
A kindred spirit...aye...
Thanks to two older sisters who thought it was funny, my younger brother and sister, 8 & 6, were introduced to smoking, as well. My sister was in Kindergarten!!! 
) husband and I decided to quit together during our first year of marriage. It was a mutual decision but I found it as hard as it ever was to quit. This time, however, once I was successful, I vowed never to go back no matter how much I wanted to! I NEVER wanted to go through quitting again! 
That gave me the strength to not go back every time I finished a meal or had a cup of coffee 
I used to tell my kids (now grown, of course!) that we use the word "can't" too easily, that there were things I truly couldn't do but that others were just difficult. I told them that we may fail if we try but if we don't even try, we have a 100% chance of failure. This way of thinking has become part of who I am so I must say that I have probably made my smoking friends feel uncomfortable because I believe it can be done and they should just go for it! We don't always think about how others will "hear" what we've said. As a matter of fact, I don't even think we can always know, even if we try!
It also attests to what a thoughtful and sensitive person you (usually) 
Just what one would expect of you Mrs G. Kindness and thoughtfulness, as always.
