Transplants making friends in this city (Tampa, Brandon: rental, homes, YMCA)

[StreetSmarts]

Originally Posted by North_Pinellas_Guy

I honestly have no idea how this conservative or liberal thing becomes a problem. I have no clue if most of the people I know are liberal, conservative or like me....unaffiliated.

Maybe if people stopped talking politics and religion, they would find out they have a lot of things in common for a good, solid friendship......regardless of political or religious leanings.

I actually agree with you one this one, lol.

[Sunnydee]

Originally Posted by Moni74

Again, are there any transplants out there who have any experince/advice to share about HOW & WHERE they looked to make friends? I did not include that info so we could go on and on and on about the conservative vs liberalness of Tampa Bay Area. If we could get back to the main point of my question: ADVICE ON HOW OTHER NEW-TO-TAMPA PEOPLE HAVE MADE FRIENDS. (I've heard your "advice" to not talk about politics or religion loud and clear) THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

Hello, we are transplants who faced the same problem when we got here four years ago. We retired and relocated from Ohio, so we know the frustration of starting over in a new state without jobs that lead to work friends and connections. I went to Meetup.com shortly after we got here and joined an adult kickball group, the Valrico Kickballers, and a Bunco group based in Riverview, in an effort to make friends. Both groups have lead to friendships. My husband joined a book club that meets weekly and that lead us to a pickleball group that plays at the Gardenville Recreation Center. We've made some friends through that and have recently visited and played Euchre with a couple we met here on City Data. If you want to be my guest at any of these Meetup groups, have an interest in playing pickleball or cards, or want to just hang out at our community pool for a bit, just shoot me a direct message and we'll see what we can do. There are a lot of very nice people here in Florida, but many seem reluctant to open themselves up to new friendships for various reasons. I hope this helps you.

[The Villages Guy]

Originally Posted by Pragmaticus

You claim to be unaffiliated but looks like you are offended by the OP. Posted several times referencing the OP. Hmm... Yah, I see how unaffiliated you are .

I am not offended at all. I am trying to explain to the op that she has already received some answers and why people are discussing the things she brought up. I have no personal feelings about this whatsoever.

[The Villages Guy]

Originally Posted by Sunnydee

Hello, we are transplants who faced the same problem when we got here four years ago. We retired and relocated from Ohio, so we know the frustration of starting over in a new state without jobs that lead to work friends and connections. I went to Meetup.com shortly after we got here and joined an adult kickball group, the Valrico Kickballers, and a Bunco group based in Riverview, in an effort to make friends. Both groups have lead to friendships. My husband joined a book club that meets weekly and that lead us to a pickleball group that plays at the Gardenville Recreation Center. We've made some friends through that and have recently visited and played Euchre with a couple we met here on City Data. If you want to be my guest at any of these Meetup groups, have an interest in playing pickleball or cards, or want to just hang out at our community pool for a bit, just shoot me a direct message and we'll see what we can do. There are a lot of very nice people here in Florida, but many seem reluctant to open themselves up to new friendships for various reasons. I hope this helps you.

What a nice offer you made.

[GulfGateGirl]

Hi Moni, your situation is not too uncommon. You should just keep trying all kinds of ways to connect with people, and relax. I have lived in Florida most of my life, and a lot of your issues finding people are valid. My boyfriend has had the same issues and he's really outgoing and fun. Also consider who you are taking advice from. If it is someone who is married with kids then those types live in a different social world then a single guy who transplanted here with no previous contacts.

Also if you have any family with you in Tampa then that enriches your social opportunities more then someone who has no long term social proof nearby to rely on. Realize that some people have never lost their social stability so they can not relate very well with people who are in a rut (you!). Also think of what activities you do and try new activities, even try things that you have no interest in because it shakes up the monotany.

Sitting on a computer will not connect you with as many people as playing volleyball with a group of people. Reading a book alone wont connect you as much as taking a class that requires group interactions. Also if you take classes you will connect deeper with people if the class spans over months instead of just a one day course. The type of class matters too. Is it something you are congruent with, or are you just there going through the motions just to meet people?

Anyone in a social rut needs to sit back to contemplate and fine tune the direction they go with building relationships. You need to put additional effort and thought into it to change something and go out of your comfort zone because your current results are falling short of your goal. Change your route driving home. Try new places. Do not frequent the same stores. Switch up venues. And make yourself look nice in clean clothes. Improve your look. Keep trying to fine tune your methods. Since you are in a rut realize you will not become Mr. Popular overnight. In fact be prepared to not meet anyone, that way you wont be too let down from social struggles. All in all, there are tons of people in the same boat and embarrassed who want to make friends but you know it's just not always easy.

[PLBR]

Originally Posted by North_Pinellas_Guy

I honestly have no idea how this conservative or liberal thing becomes a problem. I have no clue if most of the people I know are liberal, conservative or like me....unaffiliated.

Maybe if people stopped talking politics and religion, they would find out they have a lot of things in common for a good, solid friendship......regardless of political or religious leanings.

Would love to as those are not considerations I worry about but you can't help it. There IS a personality and lifestyle difference.

[PLBR]

Originally Posted by Sunnydee

Hello, we are transplants who faced the same problem when we got here four years ago. We retired and relocated from Ohio, so we know the frustration of starting over in a new state without jobs that lead to work friends and connections. I went to Meetup.com shortly after we got here and joined an adult kickball group, the Valrico Kickballers, and a Bunco group based in Riverview, in an effort to make friends. Both groups have lead to friendships. My husband joined a book club that meets weekly and that lead us to a pickleball group that plays at the Gardenville Recreation Center. We've made some friends through that and have recently visited and played Euchre with a couple we met here on City Data. If you want to be my guest at any of these Meetup groups, have an interest in playing pickleball or cards, or want to just hang out at our community pool for a bit, just shoot me a direct message and we'll see what we can do. There are a lot of very nice people here in Florida, but many seem reluctant to open themselves up to new friendships for various reasons. I hope this helps you.

You are a sweetheart Sunnydee!��

GulfGateGirl, I vote you "best advise"

[daniea326]

I'll be your friend! lol I'm moving to Valrico in 2 weeks and don't know a soul! I, too, have been attacked on a city-data forum and I agree with your OP --- so at least we have that in common

[mermaid sees all]

Think about hanging out at any of Tampas wonderful small independently owned coffeehouses.
I've met a lot of friendly, interesting people just by going to certain ones fairly often.They often have other drinks besides coffee and some of them have food & desserts as well.Bring your laptop, smart phone or tablet and spend some quality time there to see what happens. Some of the friendliest coffeehouses with chatty smart people are The Library Coffeehouse in South Tampa & Jet City in Seminole Hts. There's a smaller version of Jet City with a tiny front porch in downtown Tampa,I've seen lost of hunky military men frequenting it & they seem to be happy to be there. We love Buddy Brews coffee & their wonderful baristas but haven't felt the same level of comfort and relaxation in the environment as the other places mentioned.Lots of serious faces there hunkered down & clicking away busily on computers.
If the coffeehouse approach sounds at all interesting do a google search and it should yield even more results than what I've listed above.I've also heard that there's some interesting writing & painting groups that meet at the library on Manhattan Ave although I myself haven't checked them out.
Just a relatively simple few tips to get ya going & hopefully to meet some new people

[GulfGateGirl]

I visit coffee houses, they are cool atmospheres and all but as far as meeting friends from scratch, it's deceptive. Coffee houses are mostly for strangers to hang out. You want to make friends, not be a stranger. Even when you show up each day and order the same drink, the baristas say hi, you recognize people, and build repore, but its like clockwork, you will still show up alone and leave alone most of the time.

Boutique coffee houses are definitely places to network, but still its not the best. They tend to be clique too, and judgmental. Also, even though many people in coffee shops are bored and would like to make friends just like you do, many of them are basically tazed from staring at their smart phones and wireless devices. That is anti-social behavior, and you need to identify that, and replace it with pro social situations.

What you need is socializing. You need to find places where a higher percentage of people are attentive to and planning to openly socialize.

Another thing is that when I go to the same exact coffee place with my boyfriend or my girlfriends, people almost always become noticeably more sociable towards us, they are warmer, and strangers see me as friendlier and more trustable, faster. Having social proof entices others to get to know you.

For somebody totally new to town with no friends yet, going places all alone all of the time, can be a very raw experience. Sometimes you get the guts to introduce yourself to an interesting looking person in hopes of sparking up a friendship, and you get an icy sort of response, and that shuts you down a bit, and prevents you from attempting to meet other people. You want to avoid those icy responses as much as possible, so learn how to interpret body language with better accuracy. Learn how to better sense your surroundings and the tone of places so you can minimize wasting your time trying to meet people who will be unreceptive.

Your social opportunites are drastically multiplied when you have a friend with you. Also if you show up with family members is huge huge. When family has your back it is a huge huge social boost. This can be frustrating for people that have limited social support, because a lot of family oriented people have no clue how much they benefit from having some decent family members to hang out with. They take it for granted. Others are just greedy with their social currency, and oddly enough, a lot of popular people are greedy and highly selective about who they want to let in to their sphere of influence. Popular people are sometimes mean and phony.

Also consider your locations. Is the cafe in a strip mall, or is it in a high-end mall? Personally, I would go to the high end mall, because it is next to other stores that cater to specific tastes. The key word there is specific. Whereas the strip mall is just your run of the mill go-to spot, its not very special.

Another example: is the cafe in a high-end mall, or is it in a country club? Again, personally I would go to the country club if I was looking to make contact with new people, because it is exclusive, and it is not completely open and free to the public. Being at a country club displays a sort of specific purpose for your being there, and being involved and verifiable. It is a busy and bustling place yet it is removed from public access. Also an important thing about country clubs is that there is a lot of activities and people being active and doing a variety of activities. The key word there is activity.

Healthy activity helps foster friendships. Coffee houses are generally there to feed our addictions like caffeine, internet, and sugar addictions.

Another idea is join the YMCA. Somebody can notice you there and say "Hi, have you ever played raquetball before? We need an extra player" and that is an invite to try something new, and move around, getting physical, shaking it up, not sitting and just reading your tablet in a cafe chair with your ear buds on and minding your own business.

Look around and really take a deep look at who else is in a coffee shop. Im a girl so I go to places that have girls, because Im comfy with that. When I visit a new cafe and it has a much older crowd, or I see married couples outnumbering the place, then I dont go there again, and I find somewhere else to go. You want to hang around with the optimum people you want to associate with, and they need to challenge you.

Look at retirement neighborhoods. The nicer ones are designed to make it so that older people can socialize like they are in Jr. High again. They are being force fed social opportunities like its nobodies business. They all have a few things in common, like their age, they own homes, they have money, and they don't work. They live in exclusive communities, sometimes gated, and they meet through classes, clubs, meetings, dinners, events, banquets, etc.

Retirement neighborhoods that are not so nice have more lonely and bored people with no social support.

You definately want to fill your calendar with classes. Classes are exclusive. It forces people to interact. It forces people towards meeting each other, and remembering who your classmates were, learning their names, and having a few laughs. It's conducive to building friendships. If the class charges money then it changes the dynamics of who will show up. Charging money for public classes often improves the quality and intentions of people in attendance. If the class is totally and completely free, then literally anybody can and will show up and have no commitment to being there.

Lectures are great too because they are special. Lectures are unique. You get be part of an audience. Doing unique things makes other people want to make friends so if they see each-other another day afterwards, they can say "Oh hi I remember you from that lecture about ancient art in Eygpt" or whatever it was.

Otherwise you should learn to identify that negative pattern of that bland style of repetition experienced from just hanging out at some coffee shop the same time every day, ordering the same beverage, and saying hi to the same baristas who don't genuinely want to hang out with customers. You need to avoid that familiarity because it quietly cultivates stagnation without you even realizing it.

What kind of classes? College is a good start, or meetups, painting, photography, and music are others. Maybe open mics or poetry readings might be decent for meeting people. Also, some open mics and poetry readings are very clique, so maybe it is better to avoid those situations until you have some social proof backing you up.

Social proof is like protection, or insulation. People will not mess with you as much.

Sport teams are huge huge huge. Softball and volleyball. Teams like those hang out after games. They wind up exchanging numbers and being part of teams, and then texting you invites to other events. Sport teams have an exclusiveness and competitiveness to them that creates healthy bonds.

Yoga is less socializing, and less meeting people. Its strange but yoga can be a really uptight crowd, with a lot of wishy washy intentions.

Public libraries are okay for meeting people, but they are not the best really. They are totally open to the public, so anyone can be there, and there is nothing exclusive about it.

College libraries are a step beyond public libraries, but can you say that you are enrolled as a Student? Are you involved and committed to taking college classes, or are you just some odd ball hanging out? A key word there is being committed to going to classes. You have invested into educating yourself, and so have all the other students, so that is a similarity. Similarities are always present with every friend you will ever have.

Also consider that students are really busy studying on a college campus. They are stressed out too but many students somehow find the time to forge relationships. Or actually, a large percentage of them secretly struggle meeting enough people to satisfy their social needs.

Also I do not try making friends with staff members anywhere, I only build trust with staff members such as barristas, librarians, wait staff, bartenders, cafe workers, etc. Instead focus upon making friends with other patrons, because you are also a patron or customer. If you are a student then try making friends with other students, not the teachers, and not the staff people because you are on different sides of the fence.

If you work at a restaurant, put all you effort into meeting others who are also employed there with you.

Find commonality with others. Improve your posture. I can spot people who have a healthy social network opposed to those who dont. They look down and out, sad, weak, and its all in their posture. Watch the people with friends and who freely socialize, and do what we do.