Vegetarian Meetup Group: How Would You handle This? (soy, dinners, food)

[jazzcat22]

I'm the assistant organizer of a vegetarian Meetup group. The organizer actually isn't a full-time vegetarian, but he likes the idea of eating a lot of vegetarian meals, so he started the group. To participate, you don't need to be an actual vegetarian---just to eat vegetarian when we get together. That's the only rule. A lot of nonvegetarians join since we are a congenial group and eat at interesting places.

But I've had some people order seafood when we are out----I know a lot of pescatarians consider themselves vegetarian, but fish is not a vegetable! And some members bring their kids who refuse to have a vegetarian meal.

I don't enjoy continually reminding people of the rules. I don't want to be the Food Police! And tomorrow we are meeting up at a Chinese restaurant---a woman is bringing her two kids who won't eat vegetarian, so they are going to sit at another table (she actually offered this).

In some ways, it seems like if the nonvegetarians sat with us, they would see us enjoying our food and maybe be a little more amenable to the occasional veggie meal at least. But it is this organizer's rules and he pays the bill for the Meetup, so I feel like I need to respect his wishes.

Your thoughts?

[Green Irish Eyes]

It seems rather silly to join a Vegetarian group if one isn't a vegetarian. That'd be like a wine drinker joining a tee-totallers group .....

Any chance you could patronize only veg*n restaurants? That would pretty quickly solve the problem. Also, have you mentioned your concerns to the group organizer? If people get reminders from more than one person, they might pay more attention.

If nothing else works, you could start your own group, I suppose. However, if you like the majority of the other group members, you'll probably just have to go along with the current setup.

[Yzette]

What's the difference between someone in your group ordering shrimp and someone not in your group but at the next table ordering shrimp? Or steak, for that matter? If the mere sight of someone having meat or fish on his or her plate offends or upsets you, then maybe your group should host dinners, have picnics, etc., where the members prepare the food instead of going out.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that if I were a carnivore, I'd join a vegetarian group and order meat. I do eat fish, but I wouldn't order it at a gathering of a vegetarian group because, as Dark says, what's the point of doing that? However, if a dish has milk, cheese, or eggs in it, I'm not going to refrain. Vegans will just have to get over it.

Just that I don't see what the big deal is. You're not the one eating the food, and if you go to a restaurant where meat or fish is on the menu, you're going to see others eating it.

[jazzcat22]

I do agree that going to exclusively veg*n restaurants would solve the problem, but that's very limiting. There are about three or four in all of Atlanta!

I don't know why people join this group. Some join after they meet me through other groups. Some like the idea of eating veggie, but when push comes to shove, get tempted by nonveggie items. Some pescatarians consider themselves to be vegetarian.

And I can deal with people eating meat around me----just not at my table in a group where the rules clearly state that vegetarian meals are to be ordered.

And Yzette, you are actually correct in that there can be some difficulties between those eating vegetarian versus those who eat vegan. But since the group's goals state vegetarian eating, I don't feel like every meal has to vegan.

[DawnMTL]

Originally Posted by jazzcat22

The organizer actually isn't a full-time vegetarian, but he likes the idea of eating a lot of vegetarian meals, so he started the group.

I'm not a vegetarian, but I had to chime in here.

This is ridiculous.

The organizer "likes the idea of eating a lot of vegetarian meals" so he started a vegetarian group? Truly bizarre.

I like the idea of Christmas but, as a Jew, it would be odd for me to dress up as Santa and have kids come sit on my lap. (Never mind that I'm a 5' tall girl.)

I like many ideas, but it doesn't necessarily put me in a position of authority to run a group. You're obviously more qualified than he is.

Is there a way for YOU to start a separate group of strictly vegetarians? The organizer may have his heart in (kind of) the right place, but it clearly doesn't work, leaving all sorts of room for misinterpretation and bending of the rules.

[jasper12]

I don't think you need to be the "food police", but I would write specifically in the meet up rules that this is a VEGETARIAN group. And that all meals eaten as a group will be strictly vegetarian. Emphasize this each time e mails go out to the group.

I would talk to the group leader about this, from a financial point of view, as a vegetarian, if meals are paid for as a group, I don't want to pay for the person next to me to be eating shrimp, when I ordered a vegetable stir fry.

Don't exclude people, say, "this is a social group to enjoy learning about being vegetarian, non vegetarians are welcome to join, but all meals eaten together will follow a vegetarian diet"

Good luck. I was in a sushi group, and I don't eat fish, and was able to have all sushi vegetarian for me.

[jazzcat22]

I get what you are saying, Dawn----except the greatest Christmas songs were written by Jews (Mel Torme, Irving Berlin---in fact half of the 25 most popular Christmas songs), so maybe you could actually be Santa Claus (or at least Mrs. C!).

I actually see nothing wrong with a nonvegetarian participating. Some people like to try to do a vegetarian meal once a week or so. And nothing wrong with a nonvegetarian who hosts the group. I wouldn't want to take over the group---he is doing a fine job and besides, he pays the bill (Meetup costs $150 a year to run).

And Jasper, it IS stated in the group description as well as all e-mails and the writeup of each specific dinner. But yesterday I had a major problem. I posted a Christmas event (movie and Chinese) for those of us who don't celebrate a traditional Christmas. A few people signed up----I could tell they weren't vegetarians but were just signing up to have something to do for Christmas. Not a problem in and of itself. But one woman shows up and announced, "I read that this is a vegetarian group. I can't do vegetarian. I get headaches from soy." I showed her some other veggie options and they weren't good: "I've got to have protein." She admitted she had just signed up for something to do on Christmas. She finally ordered veggie fried rice and actually survived without having a major source of animal protein (possibly there was some egg in the dish).

While I was glad to include "orphans" who didn't have anything to do for Christmas even if they weren't doing it specifically to share a vegetarian meal, I found it very disrespectful and disconcerting that on her very first time with the group, she wanted the rules bent for her. And I just can't see that anyone desperately needs protein with every meal---couldn't she have gone home after the dinner and dosed up on some animal protein?

[jasper12]

Wow! Love those, "must eat meat" people. I was married to one, if he did not eat 2 lbs of meat a day, he was being "starved".

Maybe you should just go to vegan and vegetarian restaurants. There were lots where I used to live. None here.

Well, you did a nice thing for Christmas.

Ghandi was vegetarian. Maybe you should have some things to discuss about being vegetarian at your groups.

[Yzette]

Originally Posted by jazzcat22

But one woman shows up and announced, "I read that this is a vegetarian group. I can't do vegetarian. I get headaches from soy." I showed her some other veggie options and they weren't good: "I've got to have protein." She admitted she had just signed up for something to do on Christmas. She finally ordered veggie fried rice and actually survived without having a major source of animal protein (possibly there was some egg in the dish).

Yeah. That would annoy me, too. That's just rude and self-absorbed.

Originally Posted by jasper12

Wow! Love those, "must eat meat" people. I was married to one, if he did not eat 2 lbs of meat a day, he was being "starved".

You must have had some plumber's bills.

[goldengrain]

Maybe you could persuade the organizer to call a vote on it during the next meeting?

That, or have the acceptable choices from the menu emailed to people ahead of time, ask them to make their selection and send it to the organizer, who will pre order for everyone. That's a lot of work. Maybe he could designate someone else(you) to handle that.