Have You Ever Been Excluded From A Social Event Because You're Veggie? (peanut butter, butter)
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Lubby and Wilson, you both sound great! When people are like you two, we definitely can all get along. Wilson, your sons' girlfriends must think you are very cool!
Yes. Not exactly excluded but there was an attempt to embarrass us. My in-laws invited us for Christmas dinner with other relatives. At the time we were lacto-ovo vegetarians. Generally my mother -in law, would make us a spinach lasagna.
My eldest son, now 18 was only one. We drove over an hour to their house and, frankly when we arrived we were hungry.
My mother-in-law had a veritable barn yard full of dead animals on her buffet - a ham a lamb a turkey and fried chicken.
Naturally, we thought that the lasagna was for us. However, after my husband used the spatula to cut himself a slice my mother in law said "Oh you shouldn't eat that! There is beef in it! I forgot!"
She forgot? It was ten years earlier that my then boyfriend became a vegetarian and soon I followed suit.
Lately I find that the climate is different. I have raised vegetarian children and they are almost adults. People seem to apologize more for eating meat than for not eating meat.
Bring something you can eat when you go to a party or event if possible. It will avoid the dull lettuce plate or lump of potatoes.
People who have parties should offer SOMETHING vegetarian like a quiche. They are so, so easy to make and takes the pressure off others who do not like meat.
Bingo! I was on a kick for a while attempting to befriend/enjoy all types of people, but I've burnt out from that not working out so well. I love the idea of enjoying almost anyone and almost anything, but I have learned I am just not that flexible/adaptable....
lol, I hear you loud and clear. I never knew just how intolerant I am about intolerance. I now understand that I really don't like some people. That's sad, but realistic.
Last edited by Green Irish Eyes; 02-14-2012 at 04:34 AM..
Yes. Not exactly excluded but there was an attempt to embarrass us. My in-laws invited us for Christmas dinner with other relatives. At the time we were lacto-ovo vegetarians. Generally my mother -in law, would make us a spinach lasagna.
My eldest son, now 18 was only one. We drove over an hour to their house and, frankly when we arrived we were hungry.
My mother-in-law had a veritable barn yard full of dead animals on her buffet - a ham a lamb a turkey and fried chicken.
Naturally, we thought that the lasagna was for us. However, after my husband used the spatula to cut himself a slice my mother in law said "Oh you shouldn't eat that! There is beef in it! I forgot!"
She forgot? It was ten years earlier that my then boyfriend became a vegetarian and soon I followed suit.
Lately I find that the climate is different. I have raised vegetarian children and they are almost adults. People seem to apologize more for eating meat than for not eating meat.
That's pretty cheap of them.
Last edited by Green Irish Eyes; 02-14-2012 at 04:34 AM..
Just had to share this. Last year someone from my water aerobics class
invited about a dozen people to her home for a lunch a couple weeks before Christmas. When she invited me and my husband, I informed her that we were vegetarians but would happily eat anything that wasn't meat and that she didn't have to make anything special for us. She served vegetarian lasagna for the entire group. This year there was no invitation. I thought maybe she didn't have a luncheon this year, even though it was a yearly tradition of hers.
But today, another classmate confided that there was a lunch---and that she knows why we weren't invited. I immediately assumed it was because we weren't Christian. Her husband is a Baptist minister and everyone there was Christian except us. We didn't say anything to indicate that we weren't---just can't talk about what church we attend since we don't attend any. When they said Grace we just lowered our heads respectfully. So we didn't see this as a problem.
It turns out it wasn't religion (or lack thereof) that bumped us off. It was our being vegetarian! Has this ever happened to anyone else? As I said, we didn't expect a special meal. Just eating a salad and sides would have been fine. And we eat anything that's not meat. It's not like we are gluten-free vegans like someone we just had over for dinner and had to wrack our brains to accommodate! We also don't preach to anyone about eating meat or talk up the vegetarian lifestyle.
I disagree with the others and agree with you. Before attending an event involving food, when I know that the host is not a vegetarian I tell them.
First, because it is not fun for me if I am invited to an event that is centered around food and to abstain from eating. Watching others eat is no fun.
Also, there are frequently foods that may appear to be vegetarian, but on closer inspection, are not. For example, a rice pilaf that is cooked with a meat based broth in to me, and to most other vegetarians, NOT vegetarian.
The second I taste something like that, there is an unpleasant greasy taste in my mouth.
Frequently, a simple change can be made, and a gracious hostess can make a substitution in one or more dishes - if she really wants you to be there.
Also, I don't mind taking something with me. I would rather do that than just stand around hungry.
The third thing that comes to mind is having respect for the beliefs and needs of others. You mentioned that you hostess was the wife of a Baptist minister. Fundamentalist Christians in my experience, are some of the least tolerant folks out there. In fact my in-laws, who invited us to that infamous Christmas dinner some 17 years ago, are fundamentalists.
Why should you be ashamed of being vegetarian? THEY talk about Jesus all the time and are not at all shy about it. And you, like myself; refrain from being preachy or lecturing others.
If your friend wants you at the party, then minor accommodations or arrangements must be made - just as they would if you were allergic to a food or if you avoided a food for religious reasons.
Being vegan or vegetarian, at least for some people is not unlike a religious belief. I do know some vegetarians who practice a "don't ask don't tell" policy when eating out or at someone's house, but the idea of eating real dead animal, it's juices or anything is revolting to me.
One can advocate for ones self with out being rude an obnoxious.
That's pretty sad. It never happened to me before but i remember few years ago i went to a friend's party. He knew i was a vegan and he cooked specially for me but while we were there having fun, talking to other guests, etc he made a comment that really pissed me off, he said "ohh you vegans ****, you cant eat anything" and then he laughed thinking it was funny. Everybody else laughed too but i didnt think it was funny but i just let it go. I hate when people have to make comments like that.
My in-laws are different stages of vegan/vegetarian, as is my oldest daughter. (DH and I are not). DH's parents and sister are Seventh Day Adventist, and eating meat is not allowed by their religion. I've learned to prepare some vegan dishes (they no longer eat eggs or dairy). If the occasion calls for a a more "sophisticated" vegan dish (such as a nut roast, or "mock turkey" on Christmas), my in-laws usually bring it and it's served right next to the real turkey. My sister-in-law and her husband eat only raw and organic, and that is a bit more difficult. Making an organic raw nut roast is beyond my capacity, both skill wise and economically. I just provide raw vegetables, salad and fresh fruit, and they do make an exception of eating a bit of the cooked food on special occasions. It's challenging preparing different diishes for different diets.
My son-in-law's mother has to contend with two vegans in the family - her two daughters-in-law. She is often in a quandary about this, because they are the first she's ever known. They usually bring their own foods and entrees to family get togethers.
Last edited by Mrs. Skeffington; 02-17-2012 at 02:40 AM..
I think this friendship just wasn't meant to be, better to find out sooner than later.
If I invited you to my home for a party, I would want to know if you were vegetarian or vegan. I'd make sure there was something appropriate to eat, and I think volunteering to bring your own entree (i.e. "Thanks for the invitation! I would love to come to your home. DH and I are vegans so I'll plan to bring our own main dish so you don't need to worry about doing anything special for us.") is nice. Depending what I'd planned, I might say that would be great, or I might say, "Please just bring yourselves! I'm planning a taco bar party and one of the fillings will be my special vegetarian black bean chili."
Just had to share this. Last year someone from my water aerobics class
invited about a dozen people to her home for a lunch a couple weeks before Christmas. When she invited me and my husband, I informed her that we were vegetarians but would happily eat anything that wasn't meat and that she didn't have to make anything special for us. She served vegetarian lasagna for the entire group. This year there was no invitation. I thought maybe she didn't have a luncheon this year, even though it was a yearly tradition of hers.
But today, another classmate confided that there was a lunch---and that she knows why we weren't invited. I immediately assumed it was because we weren't Christian. Her husband is a Baptist minister and everyone there was Christian except us. We didn't say anything to indicate that we weren't---just can't talk about what church we attend since we don't attend any. When they said Grace we just lowered our heads respectfully. So we didn't see this as a problem.
It turns out it wasn't religion (or lack thereof) that bumped us off. It was our being vegetarian! Has this ever happened to anyone else? As I said, we didn't expect a special meal. Just eating a salad and sides would have been fine. And we eat anything that's not meat. It's not like we are gluten-free vegans like someone we just had over for dinner and had to wrack our brains to accommodate! We also don't preach to anyone about eating meat or talk up the vegetarian lifestyle.
That sounds odd. I've been a vegetarian and at some points a raw food vegan for 23 years, and I've never encountered this situation. However, unless I'm on the internet where I need to classify myself as a vegetarian to get a point across since people obviously can't see what I eat through a computer screen, in my day to day life I don't call myself a vegetarian. Ever. I don't even bring it up. (Probably because after 23 years, I'm simply tired of people wanting to talk about it. lol) If I were going to an event, I don't mention that I'm not a fan of eating meat, I simply go, and eat what is available to me (I'm always able to find something). If the main dish is a meat dish, I help myself to extra salad or sides, and go on with the event. If I'm asked why I'm not eating the meat, I simply say I really love greens. Which I really do. I see bushes and sometimes get hungry! lol Perhaps next time make it a non-issue yourself by not bringing it up, then it will be a non-issue to the host, too. However, if that's the only reason someone wouldn't invite you to an event, it sounds like you don't need them in your life anyway.
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Watching others eat is no fun.
