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Location: Montreal -> CT -> MA -> Montreal -> Ottawa
17,330 posts, read 33,116,524 times
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I didn't read all of the responses, but I have to say "Wow! That's just crazy!"
No matter who I invite over for a meal, once I've somewhat decided on the menu, I always call and ask if they'll like it and/or if there's something in it that they don't eat. This has nothing to do with the possibility that they're vegetarian, but everything to do with the fact that I want my guests to be happy -- and full -- when they leave.
There's a dish that I make that has peanut butter in it. Allergies aside, I always ask if my guests have an issue with peanut butter. Many people just don't like it.
There's a dish that I make that is chock-full of mushrooms. My father-in-law doesn't like mushrooms and he can't be the only one. I ask, "Do you like chicken? Do you like mushrooms" If it's "yes" and "yes," I'm good to go with this dish.
So, if you were invited to my house (and you are! anytime! ), it's typical for me -- whether I knew you were a vegetarian or not -- to ask you about what I was thinking of serving and get your input. I want to know that you're going to look forward to what I'm making, not wondering if there will be something for you to eat.
Now, especially KNOWING that you're a vegetarian, I'd be especially mindful of what I'd be making. I'd want to do well for you. But not invite you? That's just ridiculous!
I entertain quite a lot and started doing so while in college. I have never asked if anyone wanted anything I am fixing. It is very expensive to create a big meal for a crowd and I would, indeed, be insulted if someone expected me to INVITE them to my home and then have to prepare a menu around their needs. I am not a short order cook. I simply would not invite them again, if they made me feel they could not find something to eat which I had prepared.
Having said that, I always have a large salad or antipasto . . . and lots of veggies dishes/casseroles. If it is a BBQ, I state that upfront so if that isn't something that a person wants to eat, they can decline the invite. But even then, there are plenty of veggies and a salad.
If I am hosting an event honoring a specific person, then of course, I want to make sure the menu is geared towards what they enjoy eating . . . other than that, my hubby is a cardiac patient, my son is diabetic, I am pre-diabetic, and I am already dealing with enough caveats that SHOULD cover about any contingency . . . including fruit and cheese platters for dessert as well as whatever other desserts I prepare.
People gather at my home to socialize with one another. There is an alcoholic in the crowd and I sure as heck am not going to refrain from serving alcohol b/c of that person's health concerns. He can select one of the several other beverages I will have available (and he has never had a problem doing so). And if there are any vegetarians in the room, they can eat salad. I am not gonna be insulted if they don't eat at all, b/c the food is just a bonus to the social aspect of the event. But I would feel someone who stressed they are vegetarian was trying to influence my menu, something that just ain't gonna happen.
Location: Montreal -> CT -> MA -> Montreal -> Ottawa
17,330 posts, read 33,116,524 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by anifani821
I am not gonna be insulted if they don't eat at all, b/c the food is just a bonus to the social aspect of the event.
That's all well and good if it IS just that -- a bonus to the social aspect (i.e. your guests didn't even realize that you'd be serving food -- but when you're talking about a sit-down meal, wouldn't you feel awful if there was nothing but salad for one person to eat, while everyone else was eating a four-course meal? I would.
It is a very different world we live in now with everyone entitled to make their own decisions about what they do or do not eat. In my home my wife will gladly accomodate any kind of an eating schedule for anyone. My oldest daughter who is 32 is vegetarian but finds it very difficult at work to adhere to her requirements when the organization provides the food. She makes her own food every day for work but when they have a special occassion and she requests something with no meat they don't seem to take her too seriously thereby not including her in the meal. I guess they just don't get it which is sad. My youngest daughter is also vegetarian so I understand the drill. These days I have to sneak around to eat my burgers.
That's all well and good if it IS just that -- a bonus to the social aspect (i.e. your guests didn't even realize that you'd be serving food -- but when you're talking about a sit-down meal, wouldn't you feel awful if there was nothing but salad for one person to eat, while everyone else was eating a four-course meal? I would.
I have been entertaining since 1971. I have never had anyone of any age sit down and not find something to eat.
I do not plate the food b/f we dine. Even if everyone is seated (I have a formal dining room I use frequently) . . . the food is not plated. I go over each item on the buffet b/f we begin serving. If I do not have a server there helping, I serve the food myself to each person, or we pass dishes around the table. Sometimes we do a buffet and are then seated, especially when having a BBQ and several food stations set up.
If I do prepare something like oyster stuffing, I also have a sage dressing, so folks can choose. And if I serve shrimp, it is plainly visible as shrimp cocktail or shrimp on a bed of ice. I do not use any type of nuts, so that cuts out that concern. My one exception is pecans - wh/ are sometimes used as a topping and plainly visible.
People are not paying to eat at my home. I spend hundreds of dollars on these meals. If someone doesn't want to eat what I have prepared, no sir, I won't feel insulted but I also won't feel bad about it. But that has never happened. Rather, I get asked for recipes.
Location: Montreal -> CT -> MA -> Montreal -> Ottawa
17,330 posts, read 33,116,524 times
Reputation: 28903
Quote:
Originally Posted by anifani821
I have been entertaining since 1971. I have never had anyone of any age sit down and not find something to eat.
I do not plate the food b/f we dine. Even if everyone is seated (I have a formal dining room I use frequently) . . . the food is not plated. I go over each item on the buffet b/f we begin serving. If I do not have a server there helping, I serve the food myself to each person, or we pass dishes around the table. Sometimes we do a buffet and are then seated, especially when having a BBQ and several food stations set up.
If I do prepare something like oyster stuffing, I also have a sage dressing, so folks can choose. And if I serve shrimp, it is plainly visible as shrimp cocktail or shrimp on a bed of ice. I do not use any type of nuts, so that cuts out that concern. My one exception is pecans - wh/ are sometimes used as a topping and plainly visible.
People are not paying to eat at my home. I spend hundreds of dollars on these meals. If someone doesn't want to eat what I have prepared, no sir, I won't feel insulted but I also won't feel bad about it. But that has never happened. Rather, I get asked for recipes.
It's not about dining rooms and servers and the amount of money that you spend. That wasn't my issue here.
But you've answered my question anyway: You don't feel bad if they don't find anything that they can eat at your house.
That's where we differ -- I'd feel awful and I'd feel that I didn't do a good job as a host or as a friend.
It's not about dining rooms and servers and the amount of money that you spend. That wasn't my issue here.
But you've answered my question anyway: You don't feel bad if they don't find anything that they can eat at your house.
That's where we differ -- I'd feel awful and I'd feel that I didn't do a good job as a host or as a friend.
I explained to you very succinctly that I have plenty that everyone can eat, whether they are vegetarians, ovo-lacto, diabetics, cardiac patients, whatever.
I am not going to throw a party and plan my menu around one person. That would be ridiculous. I made it very clear there are many items to choose from. Is your anxiety b/c you feel someone would not have a "main course" but be eating sides, soups and desserts instead?
I would think, when a person makes the decision to eliminate meat from one's life, that one would be prepared to be flexible about one's food selection, especially when dining at someone else's house.
Where we differ is . . . I'd feel awful if you were the kind of guest who expected a hostess gracious enough to include you at a party to fashion a group menu around your food preferences.
Location: Montreal -> CT -> MA -> Montreal -> Ottawa
17,330 posts, read 33,116,524 times
Reputation: 28903
Quote:
Originally Posted by anifani821
I explained to you very succinctly that I have plenty that everyone can eat, whether they are vegetarians, ovo-lacto, diabetics, cardiac patients, whatever.
I am not going to throw a party and plan my menu around one person. That would be ridiculous. I made it very clear there are many items to choose from. Is your anxiety b/c you feel someone would not have a "main course" but be eating sides, soups and desserts instead?
I would think, when a person makes the decision to eliminate meat from one's life, that one would be prepared to be flexible about one's food selection, especially when dining at someone else's house.
Where we differ is . . . I'd feel awful if you were the kind of guest who expected a hostess gracious enough to include you at a party to fashion a group menu around your food preferences.
You completely missed my point. Perhaps we're reading the original post coming from a different perspective, and that's OK. You're happy with your way, I'm happy with my way, and everyone's (hopefully) happy when coming to each of our homes for a meal.
Personally, I *expect* nothing (I wasn't brought up that way) but I do bend over backwards so that, yes, everyone can have a main course.
It's OK that we handle this differently as long as everyone remains happy.
I have been entertaining since 1971. I have never had anyone of any age sit down and not find something to eat.
I do not plate the food b/f we dine. Even if everyone is seated (I have a formal dining room I use frequently) . . . the food is not plated. I go over each item on the buffet b/f we begin serving. If I do not have a server there helping, I serve the food myself to each person, or we pass dishes around the table. Sometimes we do a buffet and are then seated, especially when having a BBQ and several food stations set up.
It makes my heart joyous to read that someone else uses a formal dining room and prepares a sit down meal!!! I love to seat people around a big table and talk and laugh and eat good food. Even though it is a lot of work and expense, it's so much fun. Bravo to you, Ani
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), it's typical for me -- whether I knew you were a vegetarian or not -- to ask you about what I was thinking of serving and get your input. I want to know that you're going to look forward to what I'm making, not wondering if there will be something for you to eat.
Formal Dining Room
