Climate Jokes (tornado, snow, hot, warm)

[§AB]

Works best if you loath your climate:

For Melbourne:

You know you're in melbourne when.....

-You have to use lighting to see at midday,
-Temperatures considered "warm" here are considered "cold to the rest of Australia,
-People who are allergic to sunlight can enjoy the outdoors without risk for most of the year,
-you find you have to wear a sweater during your beachside jog on a January afternoon,
-you start comparing your weather to Vancouver's, Scotland's or the Falkland's,
-british tourists feel right at home,
-Christmas day feels like a christmas day in London,
-the amount of cloudy days equals the cloudy days of all other capital cities put together
-a forecast of fine weather ends up being cloudy and rainy
-everyone worldwide recognises your hometown from its crappy weather
-doing the washing becomes a bigger challenge than your final year calculus exam,
-You want to wage war on the other states because you're jealous of their better climates
-you throw away your weather station because you discoverd a much cheaper alternative, fidning that you can count the number of clear days each winter on your hands

----------------

-What did the Melburnian say to the Queenslander?
"I wish I was you"

-How many Melburnians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None because they all refuse to leave the fireplace

-Why are there so many british people in Melbourne?
Because the climate helps them combat home sickness

-Why do so many people reckon that Melbourne looks great in rain and cloud?
Because they've never ever seen it in sunshine

-Why is the weather crap during all major events?
Because it's crap during all 365 days a year

-True or False: Was Port Phillip Bay an ice shelf many millions of years ago?
False - It still is.

[dxiweodwo]

You know you're from Florida when the only place on planet earth that gets any hotter is the Earth's core..........

[AnthonySA]

You know you're from Texas when...

• You can say “110 degrees” without fainting.

• The local news reporter actually fries an egg on the sidewalk. (I’ve actually seen this.)

• You discover that you can get a sunburn through your car window.

• School gets canceled for flurries, your "snowmen" are less than 2 feet tall, and a majority of it is sand and leaves.

• Hot water comes out of both taps.

• You realize asphalt has a liquid state.

• You realize a seat belt makes a great branding iron.

• When it rains, everyone is smiling.

• A rancher tells you that he wishes it would rain, not for himself because he's seen it, but for his 7 year old.

• Your idea of the perfect summer involves floating along in the sweltering hot July sun while your butt freezes in the cold Guadalupe for 8 hours straight!

• Yes, it is possible for it to be 3 A.M., 85º and 95% humidity. And then there's Houston...

• You know 4 seasons - summer, hot summer, scorching hot summer and Christmas

• You've swam in a pond, creek, "fishin' hole", cow trough.

• You can shoot fireworks off you back porch...as long as it's not too dry.

• You can find the party Saturday night by the road with the most dust kicked up.

[dxiweodwo]

You know you're from Florida when meteorologists say "hotter than hell" in every single one of their forecasts from June-September

[Future Trooper]

You know your from the North when meteoroligists say "cooler than ice" in every single forcast from October through March!

[FVWinters]

You know you're in western Oregon when the summer "tan" you see on the residents is actually rust.

[marmac]

Minnesotans say---------"last summer was nice, but I was at work both days"

[§AB]

^^ lol!

[RichardW]

You know you're in England when:

1) Street lights and interior lights need to be on 24/7 from 1st September - 1st May because it is so cloudy
2) People rush inside and cower under tables when there is a rumble of thunder because it is so rare
3) Railway tracks buckle and the streets melt if it get above 80 degrees (27c)
4) People start using comments such as "scorching" and "baking" when it hits 64 degrees (18c)
5) Trains get cancelled in the dozens after a bit of wind and rain in the fall due to "leaves on the line"
6) Typical "tornado" or wind-storm damage photos typically show up-turned wheelie bins and a back garden trampoline that has been blown upside down, or a plastic garden chair lying on its back
7) Typical monthly sunshine in January is about the same number of hours as is possible in one day of June
8) "Severe floods" cause "chaos" after one inch of rain falls in about 48 hours

[RichardW]

Oh one last one. An intersting fact.

Did you know that England is the only country where there is a veritable statistical peak in "traveller's suicide" by travellers who visit the UK for more than 2 weeks on holiday due to such unexpectedly dull and drizzly weather.

"According to the NHS: TACCAD (traveller's acute crap climate affective disorder) - An extreme manifestation of the similar SAD (seasonal affective disorder) that has been known to particularly affect long term visitors or holidaymakers coming to the UK from, well, pretty much anywhere else really, except maybe Iceland.

Symptoms may include:

Unexplained changes in character and extreme lethargy
Walking into stuff (their eyes aren't used to such low level daytime darkness)
Severe depression and suicidal tendencies
Suicide

We would urge all visitors to the UK to limit their length of visit to just one weekend unless visiting any time between 1st June - 31st July."