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It must be a location type thing...Nothing is sent to anyone's house. It's an envelope & there's either a bag or basket specifically for them.
Back in the day, no gifts were brought to the reception. Gifts were sent to the brides parents home, and were displayed there. It was considered inconsiderate to bring them to the reception.
It must be a location type thing...Nothing is sent to anyone's house. It's an envelope & there's either a bag or basket specifically for them.
Thank you for confirming how it is done in the NY tri state area. Most weddings that I've been to including ours had a fake mailbox where everyone dropped off their envelopes.
Then there is an interesting after wedding "tradition" that many people talk about. Bride and groom after the wedding often read the Good luck wishes from the cards and add up all the checks, usually with the help of a spreadsheet or calculator on the phone. It is not very romantic, I agree, but very practical. I actually didn't want to do this on the evening after our reception but my wife insisted. We got some very nice, expensive card, some custom made, that we still keep...
It may well be local custom but it is not "etiquette". Basing what we spend on gifts on how wealthy the recipients family is (or how wealthy they want people to believe they are)? No basis in good manners.
In fact, what is actually an etiquette no-no is speculating how much your hosts spent. And you can't "cover the plate" without doing that.
The way we think of this is very simple. You don't really need to estimate exactly how much your your hosts spent. If this is happening at the wedding hall/restaurant then just assume that the cost it is $100 per person for food and drink. If this is somewhere in the park, backyard reception, etc then it is most likely around $50.
Thank you for confirming how it is done in the NY tri state area. Most weddings that I've been to including ours had a fake mailbox where everyone dropped off their envelopes.
Then there is an interesting after wedding "tradition" that many people talk about. Bride and groom after the wedding often read the Good luck wishes from the cards and add up all the checks, usually with the help of a spreadsheet or calculator on the phone. It is not very romantic, I agree, but very practical. I actually didn't want to do this on the evening after our reception but my wife insisted. We got some very nice, expensive card, some custom made, that we still keep...
In front of guests? I don't even know what to say about this. In most places this would be considered the height of tackiness.
I'm beginning to understand the posts I've read over the years here describing weddings as nothing more than "gift grabs". Wow.
Quote:
Originally Posted by DefiantNJ
The way we think of this is very simple. You don't really need to estimate exactly how much your your hosts spent. If this is happening at the wedding hall/restaurant then just assume that the cost it is $100 per person for food and drink. If this is somewhere in the park, backyard reception, etc then it is most likely around $50.
Quote:
Originally Posted by maciesmom
It may well be local custom but it is not "etiquette". Basing what we spend on gifts on how wealthy the recipients family is (or how wealthy they want people to believe they are)? No basis in good manners.
In fact, what is actually an etiquette no-no is speculating how much your hosts spent. And you can't "cover the plate" without doing that.
Still speculating on your host's expenses.
Not to mention rewarding extravagance and punishing frugality. Seems a backwards way to help a young couple begin their life.
Of course not. After the wedding reception is over, at home, in privacy.
Then why mention it? Presumably everyone reads cards and keeps track of gifts received so nothing is lost and thank-yous can be sent.
Oh. Unless the point is the bride and groom are so anxious to tally up the "take", they can't wait until the next day to do so. Not sure I'd be admitting to that either. It may not be rude but it's certainly not a flattering look.
I'm beginning to understand the posts I've read over the years here describing weddings as nothing more than "gift grabs". Wow.
Same here. I actually had no clue this type of thing was even expected.
When my husband and I got married 11 years ago, we had no bridal/wedding shower and requested that our guests not give us gifts. We wanted our guests to have fun and enjoy themselves.
A gift is just that: a gift. It is not meant to be payment for a night of food and entertainment selected by someone else. It does seem to be a common misconception I see more often from posters in the NY/NJ area. It may be customary there but it has nothing to do with etiquette.
Per Lizzie Post (great great granddaughter to Emily Post):
I am from the NY/NJ area, and that is a common thing I've heard from people over the years, in particular people whose families were originally from NYC. People complaining because a guest didn't "cover the cost of their plate".
When I got married, I had all these old, retired great-aunts and uncles come up from out of state. They gave me gifts or checks for $25. It was so sweet that they even gave me something. My now-ex grumbled a bit, saying, "Don't they know how much a wedding cost?" Mind you, he wasn't paying for the dinners--my parents were.
Within a few years after the wedding, those old folks began to leave us. I am just grateful they were all able to come to my wedding and have one last gathering of the family.
Last edited by Mightyqueen801; 05-29-2018 at 08:27 AM..
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